The Assassination Following The Impact! 04/30/09

Dozer by Correspondent Written on April 30, 2009
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lip;his name’s Dr. Stevie.
WHAT THE F**K DID ODB DO WITH HER HAIR?? It looks like she stuck her hair in an electrical socket and had a porcupine as a hairdresser today. It’s hard to understand what Cody Deanner’s saying, but it sounded like he was insulting Abyss. Deanner must be even more stupid that he leads on.
We come back from Break to see the Motor City Machine Guns talking to Mick Foley. They’re complaining about Suicide, they want to know who he is. Mick Foley says that he knows who Suicide is, it’s Al Snow.
The Guns didn’t buy it, Dozer didn’t buy it, Dozer wonders if Mick Foley even buys it. Foley said something else that Dozer couldn’t make out; he talks to softly half the time. It would be truly awesome if Dozer’s wife would let him use the laptop during Impact! but she won’t.
So here Dozer sits on Thursday nights upstairs in the kitchen sitting at the computer desk watching Impact! "What’s so bad about that Dozer?" you might ask. Nothing’s wrong with that, except for the fact that the TV is half way across the room and Dozer can only turn the TV up so high because his father in law is watching hockey in the next room over.
Match #2 - LAX VS The British Invasion: LAX wasn’t coming out, and then they go to the back. SuperMex was laid out in the back with the British Invasion looking over him. Brutus Magnus even took Hernandez’s Feast Or Fire briefcase.
When Homicide was coming down the ring, he hit one of the British guys with the Feast Or Fire briefcase. So now it’s a 2 on 1 Handicap Match, and Hernandez has been in control for the most part so far in this match.
Dozer has no clue who these British guys are, and was hardly watching the match because he was trying to see what he missed last week on Impact! Dozer saw the finish of the match, but since he doesn’t know who these British guys are, he’s sparing you from having to read "The bigger British guy held up Hernandez while the smaller British guy landed a diving European Uppercut off the top rope for the pin."
Winner: The British Invasion
Match #3 - Awesome Kong VS Madison Rayne (Stretcher Match): TNA Referee Rudy Charles sends Raisha Saeed, Velvet Skye and Angelina Love to the back so that there’s no interference in the match.
So in TNA a Stretcher Match is a combination of a traditional Stretcher Match AND a Last Man Standing Match? They have a WWII style stretcher laying in the ring, and the only way to win is to put your opponent on it for a 10 Count.
That is the shortest and stupidest Stretcher Match Dozer has ever seen. Yea sure TNA doesn’t do everything like the WWE does, but that was just completely and utterly ridiculous.
Kong was in complete control of this match, if you’d even call it that. Kong hit an Impact Buster and two Awesome Bombs before finally putting (and keeping) Madison Rayne on the Stretcher.
Winner: Awesome Kong
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written on April 30, 2009 Game Recap


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