Jose Bautista is now a card-carrying member of the cool club.
Feelings of intense jealousy are indeed normal and will surely overcome you when looking at what is essentially a free ticket to any ballpark for Bautista's entire life.
As for the impetus behind Bautista garnering the best card one could possibly hold, I am at a loss. As noted on the card, it is awarded by the commissioner "in appreciation of long and meritorious service."
So was Jamie Moyer not around the day they were handing these things out?
I will keep you updated if I get word on why Bautista was bestowed with baseball's version of the "one ring to rule them all" from Lord of the Rings.
BuzzFeed breaks down how rare this particular card is: "These cards have been presented to players, umpires, scouts and other friends of MLB as far back as the 1930s and grants owners and a guest access to any Major League baseball game as long as they live."
Their list of lucky recipients includes people like Joe DiMaggio and the people who suffered through the Iran Hostage Crisis.
Rogers Hornsby and Thurman Munson both laid claim to the vaunted card, and Bob Gibson has one, too.
You only need to take a look at some of the comments on Bautista's Instagram feed to get just a hint of how popular he just became. Suddenly, the world wants to be that lucky "guest" who is squired into a random ballpark one day.
Of course, Bautista hardly gets to use the card because he is in the middle of a successful career, one that has seen him play with the Baltimore Orioles, Tampa Bay Rays, Kansas City Royals, Pittsburgh Pirates and Blue Jays.
In nine-plus seasons, Bautista has hit 192 home runs and driven in 525 runs. At some point, he will walk away and get to saunter into any stadium in the land and enjoy watching other people do the work.
Hit me up on Twitter, especially if you have a spare MLB Lifetime Card: Follow @gabezal