Hi all in Bleacherland,
There is a new column in town. My name is Sar Casim (did you catch that?), and I will be taking all of your questions regarding the tennis world.
You can e-mail them to email@example.com; I will be reviewing them and putting your letters online with my very genteel responses (yeah).
I have to do something new around here, since very few of you are actually reading tennis articles these days.
If you're worried about public embarrassment, here is a hint: When you send in your questions, you might want to use a pseudonym. I will only use the name you sign at the bottom of your question, not the one tied to your e-mail address.
This is so that when I give you the snarky and humiliating reply, you can laugh along with others and not at your own expense.
Here is an example of an e-mail I have already received:
Dear Sar Casim:
I am a Roger Federer fan. I really want him to win the French Open. What do you think he needs to do? I have been praying for my dear Rogie to pull through. Do you think he will win Wimbledon this year?
Sleepless in Rogerland
And my response:
I really want to win the Sweepstakes and have Ed McMahon show up at my door with a giant multi-million dollar check. Apart from the Sweepstakes not being available in my country and Ed McMahon barely being able to walk, much less show up at my doorstep, chances are Roger will not be winning the French Open this year.
It is not what Federer needs to do. It's what Rafael Nadal needs to do. Nadal needs to fall getting out of his bathtub and pull a ligament that would take three months to heal. Or he needs to meet Federer in the finals and throw his arms in the air and say "F*** it, how many times do I need to beat this guy. I give up."
As for "Rogie" winning Wimbledon this year, I am a columnist, not a bloody psychic! Call JoJo's Psychic hotline for $75/minute and get her opinion, then bet the farm on it. Call me after the bankruptcy goes through.
Yours Truly (ha!),
There you go, folks! It is a bona fide e-mail address, so write in. I am waiting to field your questions.