In Homage to Bald Footballers

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In Homage to Bald Footballers

Yesterday, to mark the occasion of his sixteenth birthday, I took my six foot, six inch son shopping in London’s Oxford Street. Whilst doing so I came across a rather disturbing phenomenon. Though I was holding the cash and doing most of the talking, the female shop assistants spent all their time ogling my son.

After about the tenth time of this happening I made the mistake of mentioning it to him and he, while simultaneously looking down on me from his great height said.
‘Well, you are getting a bit thin on top there, dad.’

That night I went home and under a bright light examined my hairline in the mirror from various angles. After confirming his prognosis I briefly wept, then sadly spent the majority of the evening on-line, researching hair replacement options.

The results were surprisingly encouraging. I discovered that for between three to six thousand pounds and a minor operation under local anesthetic I could replace the hair at the crown of my head with transplanted doner hair from a region just above the collar-line. So in theory, I could regain the thick locks that I once had in my youth.

With hope restored I got down to the real task I had set myself for the night, to write a football based article.

As the clock was now ticking I considered it a more judicious use of my time to combine my earlier research with my current project so I came up with this hypothesis.

Taking into consideration the technological advancements in hair replacement and combining them with the huge wages that modern day footballers now earn, it would be a simple process for them to restore any hair loss issues they might have and consequently, the golden age of the iconic, genetically bald footballer might be over for ever.

In light of that shocking thought I proceeded to comprise a list of some of the most memorable baldies to grace both the English and the World game.

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