Michael Vick's Job Offers

Senior Analyst Written on April 28, 2009

Previous Next

Slide 1 of 7

Sussex, VA - NOVEMBER 25: Suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick (R) leaves Surry County Circuit Court after entering a guilty plea on two felony counts connected to dog fighting on November 25, 2008 in Sussex, Virginia. Under a plea agreemen

(Photo by Geoff Burke/Getty Images)

Michael Vick is almost out of prison, and until the glorious day that he returns to the NFL, he'll need to find another source of income as he fights his way out of bankruptcy.

Luckily, Vick will have the help of all of his fans here at Bleacher Report, who have come up with a very attractive list of potential job offers.

Employers everywhere should take note—if you've got an offer for Michael Vick, get it in soon, because he's sure to find some kind of work in this "thriving" economy. Yeah...right.

Michael Vick's Job Offer No. 1: Dog Catcher

OK, so this was an easy one. We know Vick's history with animals and feel like those could be put to good use ridding the streets of potentially dangerous strays. Then again, maybe it's not the best for his public image.

How about...

Michael Vick's Job Offer No. 2: Assistant to Cesar Milan, Dog Whisperer

Cesar Milan, aka the dog whisperer, has a reputation for taming even the wildest of K-9s, and for teaching humans how to better get along with our furry friends. What better mentor for Mike Vick in his first job out of prison? I could even see it spinning off into a whole new show...

Michael Vick's Job Offer No. 3: Co-star with Paul Walker in...

If Mike really wanted to hit it big in show business, he could attach himself to Paul Walker, fresh off his star turn in "Fast & Furious" to revive another stale franchise, "Eight Below." OK, so maybe it's not a true franchise, but that's just because Mike Vick hasn't been involved yet. Yahhhh!!!

Michael Vick's Job Offer No. 4: Pet Detective

Michael Vick has always been known for being able to elude tacklers, so who better to navigate the shady world of animal crime? With his elite speed and his skills of deduction, Ron Mexico would surely be able to get to the bottom of who kidnapped Snowflake the dolphin while holding off the sexy police woman and searching for the disgraced field goal kicker.

Wait a minute, Finkle is Einhorn!?

Michael Vick's Job Offer No. 5: Detroit Lions Quarterback

NEW YORK - APRIL 25: NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell stands with Detroit Lions #1 draft pick Matthew Stafford at Radio City Music Hall for the 2009 NFL Draft on April 25, 2009 in New York City (Photo by Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images)

We all heard the boos from Lions fans when Matthew Stafford was selected first and given the reDONKulous contract on Saturday. And honestly, we feel bad for the kid. Sure, he's got his $45 million guaranteed, but why does he deserve all the hatred and scorn?

But luckily, we've got a solution. If the Lions pick up Vick and make him their quarterback, he'll incite so much ire from the Detroit faithful that they'll be begging for Stafford to step in. Problem solved.

Begin Slideshow

That's the end of this slideshow, here are a few more you might like...

2010 NFL Mock Draft: Rounds 1 and 2 (With Predicted Trades)

It's for me to once again update my 2010 NFL mock draft. Not too much has changed since the last time I updated my mock a week ago. A few teams have moved down in the order of picks and a few teams have moved up a few nothces...
The 10 Biggest Turkey's In the NFL This Season

Ok, so it's Thanksgiving weekend, a time when we get together with friends and family, and realize why one aunt can't stand the other, while granddad sleeps on the couch while little imp kids are drawing on his head with a magic marker - great times...
Taylor's Tuesday Thoughts: Ravens-Steelers Recap and Look ahead

This week, Taylor's Tuesday Thoughts is going to take a look back at one of the best recent rivalries in all of sports: the Baltimore Ravens and the Pittsburgh Steelers. We'll recap last years three matchups, all won by the Steelers...

(1)

22 Comments

There are no comments yet. Get the conversation started by leaving the first comment

Loading more comments...

posted just now

Loading...
Nobody has liked this comment yet

Cancel

This comment and all replies have been deleted This comment has been deleted Undo delete

<form action="/accounts/create_from_facebook_comment" class="new_facebook_user" id="new_facebook_user" method="post">	<input id="facebook_user_facebook_id" name="facebook_user[facebook_id]" type="hidden" />
	<input id="facebook_user_proxied_email" name="facebook_user[proxied_email]" type="hidden" />
	<input id="facebook_user_profile_pic" name="facebook_user[profile_pic]" type="hidden" />
	<input id="facebook_user_profile_url" name="facebook_user[profile_url]" type="hidden" />
	<ul>
		<div id="facebook_questions">
			<li class="fb-question" id="facebook_full_name_container">
				<p class="question">
					<label for="facebook_user_use_full_name">Use your full name <strong class="full_name"></strong> on Bleacher Report?</label>
					<br />
				</p>
				<p class="options">
					<input name="facebook_user[use_full_name]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_use_full_name" name="facebook_user[use_full_name]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_use_full_name">Yes</label>
				</p>
				<div class="input full-name-edit" style="display:none">
					<p>Edit your name for Bleacher Report:</p>
					<div class="fb-first-name">
						<label for="facebook_user_first_name">First Name <em>(required)</em></label>
						<input class="signup_text_input" id="facebook_user_first_name" name="facebook_user[first_name]" size="30" type="text" />
						
					</div>
	
					<div class="fb-last-name">
						<label for="facebook_user_last_name">Last Name <em>(required)</em></label>
						<input class="signup_text_input" id="facebook_user_last_name" name="facebook_user[last_name]" size="30" type="text" />
						
					</div>
				</div>
			</li>
			<li class="fb-question">
				<p class="question">
					<img src="/images/default-user-icon-medium.png" class="profile_pic" />
					<label for="facebook_user_use_profile_pic">Do you want to use your Facebook profile picture on Bleacher Report?</label>
				</p>
				<p class="options">
					<input name="facebook_user[use_profile_pic]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_use_profile_pic" name="facebook_user[use_profile_pic]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_use_profile_pic">Yes</label>
					
				</p>
			</li>
			<li>
				<a id="facebook_connect_submit"><img src="/images/shared/submit.png" /></a>
			</li>
		</div>
	</ul>
</form>

5,296
reads

22
comments

1
likes

written on April 28, 2009 Humor

<form action="/accounts/create_from_facebook" class="new_facebook_user" id="new_facebook_user" method="post">	<input id="facebook_user_proxied_email" name="facebook_user[proxied_email]" type="hidden" />
	<input id="facebook_user_profile_pic" name="facebook_user[profile_pic]" type="hidden" />
	<input id="facebook_user_facebook_id" name="facebook_user[facebook_id]" type="hidden" />
	<input id="facebook_user_profile_url" name="facebook_user[profile_url]" type="hidden" />
	<ul>
					<li class="fb-question">
				<div class="input">
											<div id="facebook_placebo_submit">
							<img src="/images/shared/submit.png" />
						</div>
										<div class="fb-first-name" id="fb-email">
						<p><strong>Email Address</strong></p>
						<input class="signup_text_input" id="facebook_user_email" name="facebook_user[email]" size="30" type="text" />
						<img alt="Small" id="facebook_email_indicator" src="http://assets3.bleacherreport.com/images/shared/spinners/small.gif?1259188455" style="display:none" />
						
					</div>
				</div>
				<div class="input" id="facebook_password_container" style="display:none">
					<div class="fb-first-name notice">
						<p>This email address matches an existing user profile. Please enter your password to connect your accounts.</p>
						<p><strong>Password</strong></p>
						<input class="signup_text_input" id="facebook_user_password" name="facebook_user[password]" size="30" type="password" />
						
					</div>
				</div>
			</li>
				<div id="facebook_questions" style="display:none">
			<li class="fb-question" id="facebook_full_name_container">
				<p class="question">
					<label for="facebook_user_use_full_name">Use your full name <strong class="full_name"></strong> on Bleacher Report?</label>
					<br />
				</p>
				<p class="options">
					<input name="facebook_user[use_full_name]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_use_full_name" name="facebook_user[use_full_name]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_use_full_name">Yes</label>
				</p>
				<div class="input full-name-edit" style="display:none">
					<p>Edit your name for Bleacher Report:</p>
					<div class="fb-first-name">
						<label for="facebook_user_first_name">First Name <em>(required)</em></label>
						<input class="signup_text_input" id="facebook_user_first_name" name="facebook_user[first_name]" size="30" type="text" />
						
					</div>
	
					<div class="fb-last-name">
						<label for="facebook_user_last_name">Last Name <em>(required)</em></label>
						<input class="signup_text_input" id="facebook_user_last_name" name="facebook_user[last_name]" size="30" type="text" />
						
					</div>
				</div>
			</li>
			<li class="fb-question">
				<p class="question">
					<img src="/images/default-user-icon-medium.png" class="profile_pic" />
					<label for="facebook_user_use_profile_pic">Do you want to use your Facebook profile picture on Bleacher Report?</label>
				</p>
				<p class="options">
					<input name="facebook_user[use_profile_pic]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_use_profile_pic" name="facebook_user[use_profile_pic]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_use_profile_pic">Yes</label>
					
				</p>
			</li>
			<li class="fb-question" id="facebook_interested_in_writing_container">
				<p class="question"><label for="facebook_user_interested_in_writing">Are you interested in covering your favorite teams and sports?</label></p>
				<p class="options">
					<input name="facebook_user[interested_in_writing]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input id="facebook_user_interested_in_writing" name="facebook_user[interested_in_writing]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_interested_in_writing">Yes</label>
					
				</p>
			</li>
			<li class="fb-question">
				<p class="question"><label for="facebook_user_share_activity">Do you want to share your Bleacher Report activity in your Facebook activity feed?</label></p>
				<p class="options">
					<input name="facebook_user[share_activity]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_share_activity" name="facebook_user[share_activity]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_share_activity">Yes</label>
					
					<br />
					<a href="#" id="share_facebook_activity_advanced_link">Advanced Sharing Options</a>
				</p>
				<p id="share_facebook_activity_advanced" style="display:none">
					<input name="facebook_user[share_activity_article_writing]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_share_activity_article_writing" name="facebook_user[share_activity_article_writing]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_share_activity_article_writing">When I write a new article</label>
					<br /><input name="facebook_user[share_activity_comment]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_share_activity_comment" name="facebook_user[share_activity_comment]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_share_activity_comment">When I post a comment</label>
					<br /><input name="facebook_user[share_activity_like]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_share_activity_like" name="facebook_user[share_activity_like]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_share_activity_like">When I like an article</label>
					<br /><input name="facebook_user[share_activity_poll_vote]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_share_activity_poll_vote" name="facebook_user[share_activity_poll_vote]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_share_activity_poll_vote">When I vote on a poll</label>
					<br /><input name="facebook_user[share_activity_fan]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_share_activity_fan" name="facebook_user[share_activity_fan]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_share_activity_fan">When I become a fan of another member</label>
				</p>
			</li>
			<li class="fb-question">
				<p class="question"><label for="facebook_user_fan_friends">Become fans of your Facebook friends connected to Bleacher Report?</label></p>
				<p class="options">			
					<input name="facebook_user[fan_friends]" type="hidden" value="0" /><input checked="checked" id="facebook_user_fan_friends" name="facebook_user[fan_friends]" type="checkbox" value="1" />
					<label for="facebook_user_fan_friends">Yes</label>
					
				</p>
			</li>
			<li>
				<a id="facebook_connect_submit"><img src="/images/shared/submit.png" /></a>
			</li>
		</div>
	</ul>
</form>

Sign up for Bleacher Report

Already have an account? Log in now » As a member you can get the latest on your favorite teams, post comments, write your own articles, and much more.

Join Bleacher Report

You must register in order for that functionality to work!

Sign up through Facebook

Follow your Facebook friends on Bleacher Report
Share your articles, comments, and more with friends

Great, , you're signed up!

i.e. San Francisco Giants, SEC Football, NFL, Golf

Selected Tags:

Yes, I'd like to receive an email newsletter for the topics I selected.