Imagining the NBA's Best Hair Styles on LeBron James
OK, so I was bored during Game 4 thanks to Miami deciding it within the first 20 minutes, generally meaning my brain wondered and my hands got antsy.
This time around I got to thinking about LeBron's receding hairline and his refusal to go full Michael Jordan and just go for the cue-ball look.
Instead he thickens his headband, props it higher on his forehead and just goes about his day like nothing's happening.
At some point that approach just isn't going to work anymore and he'll risk looking like a middle-aged World B. Free, which is something nobody wants to see.
With the advance in plastic surgery over the past few decades, I've decided that the only approach now would be a full-on hair transplant.
In order to help LeBron along with his decision, I've decided to give him a look at what he might look like if he were to have a transplant with one of his fellow NBA players with the help of my incredibly mediocre Photoshop skills.
One of the most obvious transplants for LeBron to go with would be a quick swap with his own teammate, Chris Andersen.
Not only would it be a nice trade between teammates, but he would be taking on a hairstyle that's already a fan-favorite in Miami.
Taking on Birdman's mohawk would give the fans another reason to love him, plus it would send him hurtling into the 21st century.
Instead of a teammate, maybe trading hairdos with one of his current opponents would be a better idea.
He could lay down a bet before Game 5 with a hair-for-hair swap on the line like Paul Walker and Vin Diesel racing for pink slips in The Fast and the Furious.
Obviously, if you're choosing among the hairstyles of the Chicago Bulls, the guy you're going straight for would be Joakim Noah.
Should LeBron win Noah's hair, it seems to me that he would be inclined to wear it down, rather than up and in a bun like Noah does.
Sometimes a hairstyle becomes so ingrained into the lore of the NBA that it needs to spread out as much as possible.
Dr. J didn't pioneer the afro in the NBA, but he certainly popularized it, just like Allen Iverson with cornrows.
LeBron could take Andrew Bynum's half-and-half and turn it into the next big thing throughout the NBA.
He would have a two-faced style built in, giving him a constant Jekyll-and-Hyde look.
Of course, if he really wants to jump on a hairstyle's bandwagon and help re-popularize it, the obvious decision would be the flat-top.
Iman Shumpert and fellow Heat teammate Norris Cole are the only guys currently dedicating enough of their life to their domes to rock a pristine flat-top on a nightly basis, but LeBron could take the 'do up to another level.
Not only would it automatically make him look an additional four inches taller, but he could throw his name into the ring for the title of "Best dunker ever to wear a flat top." Kenny "Sky" Walker would certainly have a lot to say about that.
One of the oldest tricks to get people to stop noticing that you're going bald is to distract them with a ton of hair elsewhere.
James Harden has taken most of the attention away from his ragged teeth with a big, bushy beard, so why can't LeBron take a bit of attention away from his hairline with the same?
It might look a bit goofy at first, but odds are it will eventually grow on us if this is the road he decides to travel.
Say LeBron decides he wants to drop a rap album, then obviously signing with Ron Artest's old record label "Tru Warier."
What else could LeBron do other than exactly what Artest did back in his days with the Indiana Pacers?
He would obviously have to shave "Tru Warier" into the back of his head in order for everybody to know what he's up to.
It's not a horrible look if all those criteria are met, I suppose.
Finally, LeBron might want to get in good with the people of Cleveland once again. What better way to do that than to rock the Wild Thing mop on his noggin?
Cavaliers fans are absolutely bonkers for Anderson Varejao and his ridiculously shaggy hair, so they would obviously be a bit confused, and maybe even fooled into liking LeBron again if they saw his face hidden under this shag.
Plus, how cool would it be to see him streaking down the court at 100 miles an hour and dunking with tight little curls chasing him all along the way?