Go home, Tiger Woods. You're drunk.
Deadspin happened on a couple of reports that led sports fans to one of two very different conclusions: Woods was either very drunk while squiring Lindsey Vonn at the Met Gala this week, or he is very awkward.
As for images, let's begin with my favorite:
Woods eyes are much bigger than usual, the kind of eye maneuver that comes from a man trying so desperately to seem awake when he is really about to pass out from one too many Jagerbombs.
If you want a breakdown of the night's event, Us Weekly helped us out with what went down at the Boom Boom Room atop The Standard Hotel.
"Tiger looked uncomfortable," an onlooker at the Boom Boom Room says. The twosome checked out the Manhattan skyline (with a tux-clad Woods embracing Vonn from behind) and then took their seats, where they chatted, drank, held hands and kissed for much the night. At one point in the evening, the once-divorced golfer got up to dance awkwardly, bopping from side to side and grabbing Vonn's butt affectionately as she giggled.
When it was time to go, around 2 a.m., a seemingly tipsy Woods fell while walking up a small flight of stairs -- and didn't move from the spot until Vonn, clenching her teeth and looking embarrassed, helped him up and guided him (swaying a bit as he walked) to the exit, according to a witness.
OK, things are looking rather dire for those hoping Woods is merely an awkward mess out in public, someone who has no clue how to maneuver those infernal stairs.
Perhaps we need some more photographic evidence.
Woods, lost in thought, ponders the same thing that crosses the transom of all of our mind's at two in the morning—I wonder if we can stop at Taco Bell on the way home.
And then Vonn tells a funny.
Verdict: Woods was drunk.
The star golfer who has been through so much personal upheaval and professional tumult is fitting in a couple years worth of fun into one night.
At least, that's what it seems like. Now someone please remind Woods about the Met Gala and tell him he enjoyed himself. He is no doubt somewhere very confused, nursing a gnarly headache.
Hit me up on Twitter for more of that funny feeling: Follow @gabezal
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