Is Jose Mourinho staying at Real Madrid? Is Jose Mourinho going to Chelsea? Is Jose Mourinho holding out for a vacancy at Manchester United? Is Jose Mourinho actually wearing any clothes underneath that famous jacket?
While we might want answers to these questions, there is only one Jose Mourinho-based question we need answering.
Is Jose Mourinho cool?
Psychologists did a test and figured out what qualities makes someone cool. They came to the conclusion that cool people are good-looking, high achievers, friendly, trendy, confident, have a sense of humor and volunteer to help in society. So, basically, not Simon Cowell.
So we’re going to find out if The Special One is a cool one by testing him on those factors.
So turn your AC on, sit yourself in front of the fridge or strip off and run yourself a cold bath, because things are about to get cool. (Don't actually take electrical devices into the bath.)
He’s won the Portuguese, English, Italian and Spanish leagues and he’s won the Champions League with Porto, Inter Milan and Real Madrid.
Oh, hang on, no he hasn’t. He has not won the Champions League with Real Madrid, a club that have lifted the continent’s most prestigious competition nine times, more than anyone else.
And he didn’t win the Champions League with Chelsea. Even an ex-MK Dons boss managed that.
If he leaves Madrid this summer, what will his legacy be? Beating Barcelona to the league once?
But to go from a translator to one of the best managers in the world is a pretty neat way to climb the career ladder.
It seems like before Mourinho brought his GQ front-cover flair to the touchline, all managers used to wear sheepskin coats, flat caps and a gold chain thicker than a rhino’s thigh with a full track suit, like a council estate granddad.
Now, every manager from the World Cup final to a friendly between two under-nine sides in Yeovil sports a stylish suit and five o’clock shadow. Well, every manager apart from Tony Pulis, who still looks like an elderly benefit cheat.
Look at him.
Just look at him.
Of course, Jose Mourinho is a very good-looking man, next.
To judge how friendly Mourinho is, we’ll look at his relationship with other people within the game.
There's his passionate bromance with Sir Alex Ferguson:
"I feel privileged about [our friendship] because he is such an important person in the world of football and, more importantly, he is a good person. I have always had a fantastic relationship with him, and I am proud of it."
Then there’s what he has with Iker Casillas. It isn’t exactly a “bromance,” more of a "hatred".
Volunteering to help in society
Prior to the 2007 FA Cup Final, he was arrested for obstructing an animal welfare officer who wanted to check his Yorkshire terrier had received the proper injections before coming into the country.
What example does that set for society’s Yorkshire terrier owner? We’ve already established that he’s a trendy, influential figure.
England is lucky it isn’t swamped with packs of wild, tiny dogs without the suitable inoculations.
However, he has done his bit for society, promoting peace between Israel and Palestine through football, donating his FIFA Manager of the Year Award to charity and even auctioning off his famous long jacket for a good cause (so yes, he does wear clothes underneath there.)
Sense of Humour
You have to have a sense of humour to manage Mario Balotelli.
He also doesn’t take himself that seriously.
However, when it comes to Barcelona, it seems his funny bone has got a bit of a fracture.
Considering Jose Mourinho called himself “The Special One," we think it’s fair to say he isn’t suffering from crippling confidence issues.
But he did let Shane McMahon trash-talk him in front of his kids and did nothing about it.
Our verdict: Mourinho is cool. Tony Pulis isn't.