It’s 7 a.m. and looking like a lovely day, the sun is out over London, I’ve got a bacon and egg sandwich and there is an entire day ahead of me to look forward to.
Then I realise I’m going to watch QPR today and the day ahead looks a lot bleaker (alternative title for this article is “Bleaker Report”).
I’m going to the game with an Arsenal supporting friend/work colleague. He asked if he should go in disguise. I told him to not smile and have a season’s worth of misery in his eyes and he’d fit right in.
The season hasn’t been an enjoyable one for QPR. The 2012/13 Premier League has been like this for a QPR fan: Large bout of depression, beat Chelsea, large bout of depression.
Some QPR fans would actually prefer Arsenal to win, so it would hamper Chelsea’s Champions League chances.
I'm going to be bold and say Qpr will beat Arsenal and in doing so will get chelsea in the CL place we can't do anything right this season— paul finney (@paulfinney1969) May 3, 2013
The footballing day starts watching the last day of the Championship, hoping local rivals Watford don’t go up to the Premier League (the only joy for a QPR fan can be found in the misery of others).
Watford lose against Leeds and Hull City get promoted instead, despite Phil Thompson thinking they actually got relegated.
Phil Thompson is so excited he forgets what football works. vine.co/v/bQPXxT3A23d— Charles Lawley (@CharlesLawley) May 4, 2013
So as the time of execution draws closer (kickoff was 17:30), I get ready to leave the house. As an omen of things to come, my nine-month-old son throws up on me and, when I get to the tube station, the Central Line is suffering from severe delays and the next train isn’t for 16 minutes.
There might be a signal failure at Liverpool Street, but is this a fully functioning signal from the Gods telling me to turn around and go home?
Regardless, I get to Loftus Road well in time for kickoff. And thank goodness that I did. If I had been 21 seconds late, I'd have missed the only action from the match.
Now, if any of you saw the game, you’ll know it was one of the dullest games ever played. Here are the match facts:
00:20 Theo Walcott scores for Arsenal
90:00 Full time.
Nothing else happened.
So instead of inflicting an actual match report on you and make you relive the ordeal again. I will be a little different and give you the match as reported by the Tweets of bored QPR fans.
I'm going to spend this #QPR match doing a personalised playercam on Santi Cazorla with my eyes— Thom Gibbs (@thomgibbs) May 4, 2013
GOAL AFTER 20 SECONDS
Didn't even bother trying for the first 13 seconds. #qpr— Charles Lawley (@CharlesLawley) May 4, 2013
Good start— iain morris (@iainkevanmorris) May 4, 2013
REST OF FIRST HALF
Watching QPR after being relegated is like watching a snuff film. #QPR— Steven Smith (@StandardSteven) May 4, 2013
HR complaining about pitch yet Arsenal seem to be passing it around fine! Somehow I don't think it's the pitch that's the problem #QPR— Will James (@Will_QPR) May 4, 2013
Spotted:Bosingwa off his tits in Westfield,singing show tunes loudly having just bought the entire contents of the Apple Store #qpr— Owen Parker (@owenparker) May 4, 2013
END OF FIRST HALF
No tweeting today. I can't be arsed if I'm honest!— QPRnet (@qprnet) May 4, 2013
We lose every week! We lose every week! Your nothing special we lose every week! #QPR— Ashley Hill (@Ashley_Adel) May 4, 2013
QPR fan to Bacary Sagna - "Get to the barber." Brilliant.— Paul Nasr (@SkyPaulNasr) May 4, 2013
What's that? A QPR right back showing some effort. Praise The Lord. Miracles do happen. #QPR— Paul Nasr (@SkyPaulNasr) May 4, 2013
Looks like I picked the wrong time to give up drinking #QPRAirplanequotes— Sean H. (@FunkyPrawn) May 4, 2013
Big up the guy in my row eagerly recording a phone video of an Arsenal substitution #QPR— Thom Gibbs (@thomgibbs) May 4, 2013
I've had more fun at Dignitas #qpr— Owen Parker (@owenparker) May 4, 2013
"How many minutes were added on?" "Is 'who gives a shit' a valid number?" #QPR— Steven Smith (@StandardSteven) May 4, 2013
The game was summed up perfectly by The Mirror.
On reflection, QPR vs Arsenal was actually a really exciting game - apart from the final 89 minutes and 40 seconds— MirrorFootball (@MirrorFootball) May 4, 2013
From a QPR fan’s perspective, QPR 0 Arsenal 1 was a great result, as it means the end of this terrible season is one less game further away...and it doesn't do Chelsea any favours.