NHL Plans to Make Hockey More Popular

John CronynContributor IApril 5, 2008

As the regular season winds down, and as fans prepare for the playoffs, NHL commisioner Gary Bettman has plenty in store for the future of the National Hockey League, in order to open up the fan base and increase visibility of the sport world wide.  He starts with his three prong attack to revitalize the sport:

Expansion: Sure Europe is nice, but what about South America?  Austrailia?  Java?  The commisioner stated that although it seems like an unusual place to look for hockey fans, Bettman states that, "All you have to do is look at the success of the Florida franchises, Carolina, Phoenix, and how popular the sport has become in those warm weather cities...lets look to continents or islands where they've never even heard of the sport...or have seen free standing ice...it's a sure winner.

Increase offense: Trying to control all the clutching an grabbing is just not worth all the effort...I hate to mention this, but defense men aren't good learners and they have a very important job which is to slow down the offense, so step one...if anyone touches Sydney Crosby...it's  a death sentence, executions at center ice (this will be a test season, we might include Ovechkin...but Jagr is just to old to qualify).  I agree with the goalies that we shouldn't take away the edge they have in equipment, so starting in the AHL next season, we're going to try using Soccer nets...slapshots from the parking lot are going to go in.  Finally, the center for any given line will be allowed to carry a fire arm...we thought about a tazer, but death looks spectacular in High Def.

Fan Friendly: We are entering into a partnership with some of our new South American friends to wipe out all National sports in any country, except hockey.  This will leave people looking for someway to entertain their devalued dollar, peso, euro, etc...hockey will fill that void...all fans will love it as if they were Canadian.  And did I mention the violence, oh I hope I didn't, the best fight in the arena, whether on or off the ice will receive one of the game stars for the winner, I personally see a time when going for a beer in the arena is like winning the lottery.

Financially, the NHL needs to make money in the worst way, particularly after the way I started my tenure as commisioner, god, look at all those mistakes...no, lets call them challenges...anyway, as the one exciting team in this years playoffs (Montreal) plays all the boring, stupid, and winning teams, lets hope that these new ideas come to fruition, the game the original six knew and loved will be a faded, ugly, memory.