Cue up the speculation, instant reaction and booing—the NFL draft is here.With everyone's favorite let's-read-a-bunch-of-names event of the year (eat it, Academy Awards) upon us once again, it's only fitting that this glorious spectacle is analyzed from all angles.
Sure, there'll be plenty of ink and airtime devoted to whether Geno Smith can thrive in the league. There'll be endless talk through training camp and the preseason about whether Bjoern Werner can turn his raw talent and potential into something substantial. Talking heads and columnists and that guy at the bar will all have wisdom on what late-rounder will be the next Tom Brady.
But it's all unknown. Prognostication. Wishful thinking. Answers won't start coming until midseason or later. There is no sure thing like Andrew Luck in 2013, or an oh-my-god-let's-trade-everything-for-him player like RGIII.
So much is up in the air—except the suits. No looking ahead is needed to know if a color combination bombs. We're getting it in 1080p right in front of us.
Twenty-three players were given an invite to Radio City Music Hall for Thursday, and those who show will be dressed for the biggest photo op of their lives. Whether they end up legends or busts, this night—and the associated images—will last forever.
Thus, it's best to look, well, your best. Let's grade who did just that.
Congrats to Eric Fisher. It isn't every year somebody from a directional school takes the stage first. Yet there he is, with Roger Goodell, about to inherit the job of protecting Alex Smith's you-know-what.
As for his suit? Not bad for a Michigander, considering that state is more snow than suave. The purple wasn't great, and the all-black tie was a bit meh, but overall, nothing egregious.
When you're the first overall pick, it's better to blend in than stand out (see Andrew Luck, 2012).
It's been a long day of "will he or won't he" in regards to whether Luke Joeckel would go first. (Which, as you know, he did not.) That has to be taxing on a young man, though Mr. Stone-Faced Aggie doesn't show it here.
In the same way his face shows zero emotion, Joeckel's suit has zero major faults. It's a safe pick color-wise, which is fitting considering that the team that eventually picks him will make a sensible decision as well.
As a whole, he should hang on to the suit. He could definitely reuse it at a wedding or something. The grey's a good choice for Jacksonville.
Look how good this whole ensemble looks here against that backdrop of Dolphins colors. It's like everything worked out perfectly from a style standpoint, which is rather fitting considering Jordan hails from the school of 7,492,126 uniform combinations.
While bowties are definitely getting played out, you can overcome anything with the right amount of swagger. And thanks to his Oregon education in all things flashy, he should fit in on South Beach just fine.
Hey look, another offensive-lineman pick. So. Much. Excitement.
That obvious statement aside, there's nothing wrong per se with what Johnson brought to the stage, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. There's just too much grey/silver going on here. Add another color, please. Grey on grey works for BMWs, not offensive tackles from Oklahoma.
UPDATE: Lens-less glasses alert! This is awful. No, terrible. Russell Westbrook is pushing boundaries when he does it, but at least he was trend-setting. You're trying too hard, Ziggy.
New Grade: D-
The white shirt is always a point of contention, but the rest of the suit helps redeem the situation. It's an uber-safe play, but that's always a better route to take than trying to go wild and completely whiffing in front of a national TV audience.
The pocket square is a neat little way to add some flair, but it's like putting a bumper sticker on a Ford Taurus.
In all, Ezekiel Ansah passes, but he's nowhere near the top of the class. As someone who has definitely seen a few C's on his report cards, nothing wrong with a 2.0 every once in a while.
Let's extend a hand to Mingo for forcing a smile despite the fact he's going to the Cleveland Browns. That alone is getting him an extra letter grade for this ensemble, which by itself is great already. I first saw this outfit on Getty Images when he was stepping onto the red carpet, and it was GQ-photo-shoot legit.
The colors are subtle, yet still have some pop, and while you can't see them in this photo, take my word for it that the shoes are on point. Plus, the whole thing actually looks rather good with that Browns jersey.
That's saying something.
B/R legend, shoe expert and all-around bro Aron Glatzer is a big fan of the pocket square here, and while you could make the argument that it's a little overpowering in comparison to the rest of the suit, there's nothing wrong with making your outfit stand out a bit.
Especially in this draft. That pocket square helped wake me up a bit.
Oh wow. I'm not sure if Tavon Austin is getting drafted or valeting cars in front of Radio City.
This is so "meh." And a poor color choice.
The lone high mark here are the sunglasses. I love Ray-Ban Wayfarers. They're timeless and versatile. You can wear them with a suit or with board shorts and look good all the same.
But that's the problem here: With this suit, those glasses make you look like a college kid working part-time, not a football star destined for greatness.
Ignore the Jets fans booing, Dee. You're a national champion, a Top 10 pick and help fill a void (Darrelle Revis) that you didn't create in the first place. Man, those fans are just miserable.
What isn't miserable (yeah, that was a terrible transition) is this outfit. It's simple, the colors are easy yet stylish, and the all-black tie actually helps the whole thing grab your attention when set against the soft grey and pink.
Chance, Chance, Chance—you were this close. The color of the suit is great. The color of the tie is great. The tie bar works too.
But double pockets? And a belt that looks like you borrowed it from your little brother? Not so much.
The buttoning issue is just obvious, so we won't go there beyond recognizing that I (and everyone else looking at this) immediately saw it.
You're gonna pass, but only because there's potential.
D.J. Fluker succeeds here for a number of reasons.
First, he's a national champion. Second, he's scary good—like, eat Wolverines for lunch scary good. Third, he pulls this look off rather well.
The blue looks good on the Crimson Tide lineman, as do the beige shirt and the tie that incorporates elements of the entire outfit. Aesthetically, it's pleasing, but not boring.
A bit of extra consideration for the bracelet and the glasses. They add flair in a good way.
To borrow something from this photo: thumbs up.
That vest. That ugly, completely unnecessary, clashing, ugly vest. The B/R-newsletter-team war room, where I'm currently embedded for this first round, expressed universal disgust at that vest, which is ugly.
Vests are for high school students wearing rented tuxes, not safeties from Texas getting their name called in the first round.
It took 16 picks, but we finally were given a pinstripe sighting, which is great, because it gives me a reason to link to the Greatest Commercial Ever Made.
Mentos references aside, the FSU quarterback pulls off the pinstripe look well here. Nothing jaw-dropping, but he gets the job done. As for the tie? I'm indifferent. Not great, not bad. Efficient.
Congrats, Eric Reid. You're doing this right.
Great color combo: Sharp grey, a bold yet subtle blue on the tie and a gold watch that shows that you've made it, you've got style and you know how to show it off in a way that's impressive without beating us over the head with bling.
Plus, bonus points to the LSU safety for pulling off the double-breasted look in a way many can't. The fit's not too bulky, nor is it Urban Outfitters tight.
Well done, sir. You're entering the NFL in style.
Hey, look, a tie that's all-black. Haven't seen one of those before!
Kidding aside, dude looks good here. For a big man, he make this suit fit well, and the pocket looks good. It has some pop without being overpowering.
Overall, a good evening for Floyd. Though he fell, he's now with a better team and still has a bank account to make all of us jealous. Pair that with a decent look, and he has a night to remember when he looks back at photos from 2013.
Man oh man, where to begin here?
Do we start with the suspenders? (Lame.) The bow tie? (Played out.) The zoot-suit-esque jacket that looks like it came from the third trumpet in the Columbus, Ohio, jazz band? (Eh, that's OK, I guess.)
No, we'll start with the belt—the Louis Vuitton, multi-colored, probably-cost-$10,000-but-looks-like-a cheap-knockoff-I-could-buy-outside-in-Union-Square-belt.
It's bad. And lame (see: suspenders). There are ways to show off the fact you're now richer than all of us without having a belt buckle that shows it off with the subtlety of an Escalade grill.
But the smile itself? Yeah, that works. But not enough to earn this combination passing marks.
There's not much to say here: Black suit, grey shirt and (another) all-black tie.
While Werner's game itself brings a lot of questions, this suit does not. It's simple, to the point, bold, yet safe and sensible.
It reminds me of an AMG Mercedes, which is fitting for this German-born football star.
UPDATE: Sorry, Geno. You're still going to be rich. Second-day draft money isn't bad, either. Let's bump this up a bit.
There's nothing boring about Geno Smith's game. It's why he's in Manhattan, celebrating the fact he's about to get paid big time.
But that white shirt? Ugh. It's put-you-to-sleep boring.
There's no reason (unless you're a waiter) that you should wear a white shirt with your suit. Yes, it never hurts to have one around just in case, but this is the NFL draft. You've had weeks on weeks to plan your outfit—why go with a white shirt?
Aside from waiters, white shirts are for people in small towns where their only option for "dress clothes" is Sears.
Talk about things not working out. This may be the first draft since 1963 that a running back wasn't taken in the first round, but Lacy brought out a suit that would have been ugly since the dawn of time.
The whole outfit looks cartoonish. The pinstripes are smack-you-across-the-face loud, the tie looks like a candy cane and/or barbershop pole, and the blue on sky-blue look is just "ugh." (Twitter agrees.)
Sorry, Eddie. You're going to have to repeat this class.