NFL Draft: If Your Team Could Draft Five Fictitious Players
To pick up on the theme used on ESPN First Take this morning, what are the top five fictitious movie characters of all-time that you would draft for your NFL team?
The rules are:
1. You are drafting the character and not the actual person who played the character.
2. The character is FICTIONAL. So, no picking Jim Thorpe or Knute Rockne.
No. 5: Forrest Gump
1. All-American from the University of Alabama.
2. Inspirational player.
3. Will never try to "make it rain" in a strip club or shoot himself in the leg.
4. Will also mow the stadium grass for free.
No. 4: Professor Ned Brainard (a.k.a. The Absent-Minded Professor)
1. Flubber is not yet on the list of controlled substances in the NFL.
2. He makes the whole team better.
3. None of his teammates can get busted for DUI's, because now their Escalades can fly.
No. 3: Bobby Boucher Jr. (a.k.a. The Waterboy)
1. Strikes fear in the hearts of opposing quarterbacks.
2. Defense wins championships.
3. Would keep team hydrated, so less cramping.
4. Alligator jerky. YUM!
No. 2: Darth Vader
1. Intimidation factor.
2. Already has his own helmet.
3. Concession sales. If half of Raider Nation is already showing up at the games as Darth Vader, how many jerseys do you think we would sell if he actually played in the games?
4. Three words: Jedi mind trick.
5. He ran a 4.29, 40-yard dash at the NFL Combine (and that was WITH wind drag from his cape).
No. 1: Bugs Bunny
1. Fastest player in the league (he's a bunny).
2. Smartest player in the league.
3. Multi-sport athlete.
4. Have you ever seen him lose at ANY sport (i.e. baseball, football, wrestling, bull fighting etc)?
5. Capable of replacing the ball under center with a stick of dynamite just before it is hiked, thus blowing the opposing quarterback's arm off.
6. Never have to worry about him being placed on injured reserve. Even if a Raider fan throws an anvil at him from the stands and hits him in the face, it will look like a pancake for three seconds. Then, he can shake it off and run back onto the field for the next play.