As the great poet Rod Stewart once said, "Some guys have all the luck. Some guys have all the pain."
Professional wrestling tends to bring a lot of pain.
Not everyone in sports can have a great stat to their name like Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak, or Erik Dickerson's 2,105 rushing yards in a season or even Bill Goldberg's 173-0 record.
Those statistics are too well-known, and far too positive.
No, it's time to find the stats associated with professional wrestling that the wrestlers themselves would probably rather not lay claim to.
So grab a box of Kleenex, go find a pint of your favorite comfort food ice cream and get ready for 10 of the most depressing wrestling facts of all time.
And if you're still feeling too happy after reading, check out volume one for some more depressing fun!
When you think of success, you probably don't think of Shawn Stasiak.
But maybe you should...nah, you really shouldn't.
Stasiak won the prestigious WWE Hardcore Championship at a few different house shows, but every time he lost it later in the match. Unfortunately, he never made it to TV with the gold.
The poor guy didn't even escape the building once with it in his possession. Stasiak was involved in multiple matches with other hardcore competitors like Justin Credible, Bradshaw and Crash Holly. The rules stipulated that every time someone pinned the champion, they won the title.
Unlike the Championship Scramble matches, these brief runs counted in the belt's official lineage.
During the course of thirteen matches, Stasiak ended up winning the title 15 times, but sadly, lost it every single time before it was all said and done.
Meanwhile, Steve Richards run with the Hardcore title (21 runs with the gold for 35 total days) makes him look like Bruno Sammartino in comparison.
TNA currently has 18 former wrestlers and on-air talents who first had notable runs in the WWE:
Bully Ray, Chavo Guerrero, Devon, Jeff Hardy, Knux (Mike Knox), Kurt Angle, Mr. Anderson, Gail Kim, Mickie James, Miss Tessmacher, Taryn Tarrell, Al Snow, Hulk Hogan, Christy Hemme, Brian Hebner, Earl Hebner, Hector Guerrero and Taz.
This number was actually higher just a few days ago as D-Lo Brown, D.O.C., Bruce Prichard, Matt Morgan and Tara have all been released.
The WWE has only five former TNA wrestlers who had notable runs there: Christian, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Mick Foley and R-Truth.
But as fans know, all of them made their name in the WWE beforehand.
Sure, CM Punk was in TNA for a brief while, but that was before the company's run on Spike. So really, the stars are all coming from one side of the equation.
While TNA does have a lot of great talent in the company, a casual fan may feel like they're watching a company filled with WWE's discard pile.
There are only two big stars in WWE: John Cena and CM Punk.
At least that's how Vince McMahon books his pay-per-views. For the past few years, the main events of every show have either featured Cena or Punk.
There are two exceptions: SummerSlam 2012 and Extreme Rules 2013. Instead of Punk and Cena, two extreme part-timers in HHH and Brock Lesnar took the top slot.
The last time a pay-per-view main event not featuring Cena or Punk took place was at Hell in a Cell 2010. That night belonged to Undertaker and Kane.
We are quickly closing in on three years with of one of two men closing out nearly every major show.
Ohhhhhhh no, something is wrong in WWE!
If you look at the most WrestleMania appearances, something doesn't look quite right. Take a look at the top 23 men.
Six of them are currently in the WWE Hall of Fame. Twelve of them are still active in some capacity. One will certainly go in soon (JBL). One will go in when he's clean (Jake Roberts). Two will probably never go in due to outside factors (Chris Benoit, Owen Hart).
And one isn't in...because of...well, we don't know.
That man is Randy Savage.
Savage has more Mania matches (eight) than every WWE Hall of Famer except for Shawn Michaels, Hulk Hogan, Tito Santana and Bret Hart.
Other talent with less matches at the biggest show of the year have been enshrined: Greg "The Hammer" Valentine (seven matches), Yokozuna (six), Eddie Guerrero (five), Curt Hennig (four) and Koko B. Ware (three).
But no Savage.
Heck, even the Ultimate Warrior with his five matches was at least invited in.
Another peculiar Savage fact: every non-active wrestler who is in the top 10 of combined days as WWE Champion is in the Hall of Fame...except for him.
You'd have to go to Kevin Nash in 14th place to find another, though it's only a matter of time before Nash gets in. After that, 19th place with JBL, who will also surely find his way in as well. Then The Ultimate Warrior at 21st place, who, again, at least got the invite.
One can only wonder why this is. Various conspiracies have floated around, but only Vince McMahon may know for sure.
So for now, a Hall of Fame without Randy Savage is incomplete, and a depressing fact.
Go ahead and grab a pint before reading this next one.
Yes, volume one of "Randomly Depressing Wrestling Facts" had a depressing fact on Sheamus' over exposure. But it’s high time for another one to really put it into perspective.
This is over 20 more matches than anyone else on the roster.
To compare, Sheamus debuted in the WWE’s version of ECW on June 30, 2009. We have seen him wrestle 274 televised matches (not counting pay-per-views for either one) since then.
Of course WWE has more television shows, but despite having a near five-year head start, we’ve already seen Sheamus more than we’ve seen the No. 1 most exposed wrestler in TNA.
Now that is a shame.
The vast majority of the men and women who have given their blood, sweat and tears to compete in a WWE ring over the past 50 years have never held a title.
However, 75 percent of the McMahon family has. That's pretty impressive, or depressing, depending on how you look at it.
The golden son Shane proved how tough he was when he captured the Hardcore title from Steve Blackman on Aug. 21, 2000. Too bad for him though, his run only lasted six days.
Stephanie had a far longer run when she got her gold. Not only was she the youngest woman to ever hold the Women's Championship, but she held the title for 146 days before losing it to Lita.
Vince McMahon may be the greatest champion of the McMahon clan, as he successfully captured the ECW and WWF titles. If he was that good at fighting, maybe he should let someone else run the business.
Poor Linda McMahon is the only one left out.
Don't feel too bad for her, she does have one record to her name: No one else in United States' history has spent more on a losing Senate election than she has.
Maybe she would have rather held the Hardcore Title instead.
When talking about the greatest tag teams in WWE history, Demolition and The Hardy Boyz are among the first mentioned.
There are a lot of differences between the two teams: Demolition was powerful, large and mean. The Hardyz were high-flyers, smaller and fan-friendly.
There’s another big difference that separates the two: their title reigns.
Demolition held the WWE tag titles three times for a total of 698 days. An average of nearly 233 days per title run.
The Hardy Boyz held the WWE tag titles six times with a total of 151 days. That’s less than 30 days per title run.
Want to know something even more depressing? Of course you do!
Remember the all-time great tag team of Bob Holly and Cody Rhodes? That duo held the WWE tag titles for 202 days in one run, which is more than the Hardyz ever held them!
When thinking of ECW, most fans probably think of Rob Van Dam, The Sandman, Sabu, Taz or a variety of other high-flying or hardcore wrestlers.
Or maybe they think about the edgy content and the unbelievable crowds.
What they probably don't think about is Ezekiel Jackson and Christian.
Sadly though, it was these two men who put on the last match in ECW's wild history on Feb. 16, 2010.
Yes, ECW was already watered down by this point in 2010. Paul Heyman had been removed from creative a couple years earlier, we had lame segments like the Abraham Washington Show and the brand just felt inconsequential.
Another fun, depressing fact is that Christian had the fourth longest run in the belt's history at 205 days.
At least WCW got to go out with Ric Flair vs. Sting.
The United States Title had a proud lineage. Key word being "had."
These days the title means about as much as a leftover TV dinner.
At SummerSlam 2012, Antonio Cesaro won the title from perennial main-eventer Santino Marella. He lost the title on Apr. 15 to Kofi Kingston on Raw. During this time, he lost 23 televised non-title singles matches.
Somehow he was able to win his title matches, but was essentially a jobber when it didn't count. His opponents also didn't seem to care that they won, as they rarely got title matches out of it.
Also, if you're looking for a tag team partner, steer far away from Cesaro. He has yet to win a single tag match while in WWE.
We all know that the life of a wrestler is often cut short.
It's horrifying and sad to reflect on just how many we've lost.
If you look at the list of the men and women who have competed in the most WWE pay-per-views, you'll find a shocking result: 25 of the top 250 are dead.
That's one in every 10.
No longer with us: Chris Benoit, Owen Hart, The British Bulldog, Eddie Guerrero, Test, The Big Bossman, Randy Savage, Hawk, Yokozuna, Umaga, Brian Adams, Earthquake, Hercules Hernandez, Bam Bam Bigelow, Curt Hennig, Crash Holly, Lance Cade, Andre the Giant, Dino Bravo, Rick Rude, Bad News Brown, Junk Yard Dog, Luna Vachon, Chris Candido and Kerry Von Erich.
That's a lengthy list, and what makes it even sadder is that the oldest wrestler out of all of them was 63 years old (Bad News Brown). Only one other person even made it to 50 (Randy Savage, 58).
There were suicides, accidental deaths and even murder, but very few "natural" deaths.
There seems to be less premature wrestler deaths these days, but it's still a sad reminder of the toll that the sport takes on its individuals.