Most Hilarious Yelp Review for Every NHL Arena

Franklin SteeleAnalyst IIApril 16, 2013

Most Hilarious Yelp Review for Every NHL Arena

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    Folks who don't spend any time online may find this hard to believe, but when you give people on the Internet anonymity and ask them what they think, the results tend to be amusing at best.

    Websites like Yelp! are useful because of this "crowd-review" type of mentality, where you can read various thoughts on a restaurant, hotel, arena or laundromat before spending hard-earned bucks there.

    Things can get a little out of hand at times, though, as reviewers use the platform to play comedian and get some laughs out of their experience.

    So what does the Internet have to say about the various NHL arenas?

Air Canada Centre: Toronto Maple Leafs

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 3.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Ryan M. from Mississauga, Ontario, Canada

    Hilarious Review

    You are a slave to consumerism, and the ACC is your ship.  Welcome aboard!

    -Uncomfortable, cramped seating that will give you pins and needles of the feet. 
    - Draught beer (molson or coors), served at urine temperature in a plastic cup.  Small 8.25,   Medium 12.25,  large $16.50.
    - 5.00 for a bottle of waterr {sic}, 7.00 for a slice of Pizza Pizza
    -  mile long lineups ups to use a rest room

    Need I say more?  

    Unless you're a rich masochist with no self respect, save your money and stay home!

     

    Looks like Ryan M. just got done reading Fight Club for the first time or something. Slaves to consumerism indeed!

American Airlines Center: Dallas Stars

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Azmina A. from San Francisco, Calif.

    Hilarious Review

    The hubster and I went to the AAC to watch his beloved Kings get whooped by the Mavs...  Even though we were wearing Kings jerseys, we weren't hassled by the hometown fans at all (they probably felt sorry for us with the Kings down 30).  We also managed to bond with the handful of Kings fans we ran across, and they all gave the hubster high fives (boys sure are strange).

    The hubster was bummed there was no Pepsi, but we still sampled some goodies... The nachos were good, but the Crispy Garlic Parmesan Fries were not crispy, nor was there any garlic (they should rename them the Soggy Parmesan Potatoes).

    Compared to other arenas, the AAC is really nice and classy, and our nosebleed seats actually offered a great view of the action.... that is, until the people with the seats in front of us decided to show up in the second half and not pay any attention to the game.


    Not a whole lot of people had anything bad to say about American Airlines Center. However Azmina referring to her husband as the "hubster" and her snide remark about the not-so-crispy Crispy Parmesan Garlic Fries made this pretty funny.

BB&T Center: Florida Panthers

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Sue R. from Miami Beach, Fla.

    Hilarious Review

    Shocking prices at the Bruce Springsteen concert recently.  As only two drinks are allowed to be purchased by one person at any time, and we were down in the pit, I got large tumblers with three shots of vodka in each and plenty of cranberry juice.  Well, those two drinks cost me $50.  Wow.  The man behind me told me that beer on tap was $14.  Next time I'm going to get tanked in the parking lot and save my $$$ from those gouging concessions.

     

    This review was for a Springsteen concert, but encapsulated the issues that everyone seemed to have with the BB&T Center. Drinks are apparently more expensive in Florida, and the ushers are rude.

Bell Centre: Montreal Canadiens

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Janssen M. from Charlestown, Mass.

    Hilarious Review

    In addition to being a decent place to watch overrated Euro-pansies get smashed by Philly in the second round it's also a decent place to watch Alex Kovalev sit on the bench while Carey Price (Jose Theodore 2.0, not Roy's second coming) gives up a half dozen goals.


    This review was from 2009, so one would guess that Janssen wouldn't be singing quite the same song in 2013. Still, his observations are humorous—even if you are a Montreal Canadiens fan.

Bridgestone Arena: Nashville Predators

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Heather T. from Nashville, Tenn.

    Hilarious Review

    This place is a poor excuse for an arena and organization, for that matter.
    The way the staff at this Arena (corporate) treat their employees, potential employees, and customers is a disgrace.

    If you're considering going there for an event, take the below into consideration:  
    The food is overpriced, tickets are overpriced, staff is rude, service is slow, and it's less than an exciting experience.

    However, if you're even REMOTELY considering working at this venue, you most definitely should abandon that idea immediately.  
    I have never in my life encountered such a biased, cruel, and demeaning corporate staff in my entire life...


    Heather then continues for several hundred more words as to why the Bridgestone Arena isn't exactly an awesome place to work. We'll spare you the rest.

Consol Energy Center: Pittsburgh Penguins

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Devin L. from Yonkers, N.Y.

    Hilarious Review

    So I had a great time time in Pittsburgh's newest arena.  Went to see Three Days Grace with Nickleback and Buckcherry.  The place is a palace.  Beautiful views of the arena and Pittsburgh.  Cool interactive things for Penguins fans.  All in all a classy place.  The sound was very loud.  I recommend earplugs for anyone going to a concert.  Looks like it's going to be a great hockey arena for a long time.  Good luck with it guys, (just lose to the Devils every time ;))

     

    There's just no helping some people. Ear plugs at the greatest rock concert of the century! Unheard of.

First Niagara Center: Buffalo Sabres

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Kelly T. from Brooklyn, N.Y.

    Hilarious Review

    I AM A#1 HOCKEY FAN! GO SABRES! 

    If I'm not in my seats, you'll find me at the Pour Man's Aud Club.  I  went down the arena to pick out our seats and we walked around with one of the ticket guys to check out the various views and amenities.  

    Suddenly,  I was all like "ding ding ding--we have a winner--right behind the Pour Man's Aud Club?? OMG {sic}, I can get a Vodka Soda during the game!!! AND OMG {sic}, OMG {sic}, OMG {sic}, I can get a hot pretzel with Cheese Dipping Sauce as dinner!!!!!"

    I like sitting with the REAL FANS and not in the fancy club level, though I've never turned down seats in a box, with the free flowing eats and booze and schmooze. 

    Yes, I am psychotic.  But I don't wear a big headset and listen to the radio broadcast during the game, so I'm not creepy psychotic.  Though I do sometimes rock in my seat and cover my eyes with my hands.  So I guess it's up to you--psychotic or creepy psychotic?


    Holy smokes.

Honda Center: Anaheim Ducks

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 3.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Nicole A. from Orange, Calif.

    Hilarious Review

    Let me start off by saying that I am a Los Angeles Kings hockey fan, and I attended the Honda Center for a Kings vs. Ducks game, so I expected a few jabs from their fans, which is totally normal. Heck, I would do the same thing if I saw an opposing team's fan sitting behind me. That's part of the fun, really.

    However, employees are SUPPOSED to be professional and treat every customer with respect. I DID NOT receive such treatment at the Honda Center. I attended the game with three others, one of which was wearing a Duck's jersey and the rest of us were wearing Kings jackets/jerseys.

    As we step up to the first security check, the man with the metal detector says to me 'Now, I'm going to have to set this to stun since you're a Kings fan.' Haha, funny. No problem, pretty innocent. So we step up to the people scanning tickets. The lady looks at us, smiles, and begins to 'scan' our tickets. After two seconds she states that our tickets weren't scanning and we would have to go to the box office to get different ones, She says it happens with all ticketmaster tickets, which is real funny since they weren't from ticketmaster.

    So we walk all the freaking way around the stupid building to wait at the box office for someone to help us, since they are laughing and joking with one another inside. When we go up to the window and tell the lady what happened, she smiles and says she would be right back. After about five seconds she comes back and tells us these should work fine, and hands us back THE SAME TICKETS.

    Annoyed, we go to the line nearest us and wait for security. Our friend with the Ducks jersey is wanded like normal and goes to wait for us. My boyfriend, who was behind him, tries to move ahead to be wanded, but the security guard stops him and says 'Sorry, sir, you're gonna have to wait here for a minute', and continues to harass him about the Kings and how they suck.

     

    It's a lengthy one, sure. Prime example of TLDR material, and it was a wall of text before hitting the "enter" key a few times. All told this is kind of a funny thing the employees of the Honda Center did with visiting fans that act shocked when the red carpet isn't rolled out.

HP Pavilion: San Jose Sharks

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Meg W. from East Bay, Calif.

    Hilarious Review

    The lack of Stanley Cup Banners hanging in the rafters is evidenced by the huge paper mache {sic} shark that floats around aimlessly....

     

    Zing. One point for Meg W. from East Bay, zero Stanley Cups for the San Jose Sharks.

Jobing.com Arena: Phoenix Coyotes

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Brian B. from Temple, Ariz.

    Hilarious Review

    This place was way too loud.  As a person with Tinnitus, my hearing is important to me.  The decibel level that everything was at there could cause serious hearing damage!  I was there for a playoff hockey game, and had to leave after five minutes...no refund.  Expensive five minute trip!

     

    There is nothing funny about tinnitus. There is something funny about complaining about a playoff game being too loud. Have you ever watched a game on TV, my friend? Hockey isn't a quiet game. Especially in Phoenix during the playoffs.

Joe Louis Arena: Detroit Red Wings

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 3.5

    Hilarious Reviewer: Jason M. from Modesto, Calif.

    Hilarious Review

    I've been to over half of the arena's of the NHL.  The Joe Louis Arena is old, and has a lot of history, but damn it sucks! From the lighting in the concourse (poor/dim), to the seats (tiny, crammed with no cupholders), to the food (Little Caesars Pizza...really?!) this place just sucks. But if your looking for a old, old arena with history...this place is for you.

    ...not to mention Detroit probably has the most annoying, bandwagon hopping fans in the NHL...

     

    Those pesky bandwagon-hopping Detroit Red Wings fans that get "Lets go Red Wings" chants going in half of the buildings in the NHL. For shame, Wings fans. Hide in a hole!

    And Little Caesars Pizza? Yeah. That might have something to do with the owner of the Red Wings also owning the pizza chain.

    The no cup holders complaint is the best. "What, I have to hold my drink at this place? BS!"

Madison Square Garden: New York Rangers

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Lisa G from New York City

    Hilarious Review

    2 tickets to the Cornell v. BU hockey game: $120
    2 jerseys & 2 hats: $190
    1,000s of Cornell fans screaming, "Screw BU" in unison: Priceless

    Fans screaming advice to the players: Um...  Confusing.
    Hockey is not my game.  What does "Clean out the box" Cycle it" & "Cover the point" mean?

     

    Hockey is not your game, but you dropped $310 on a college contest? Talk about paying a premium price just to tag yourself on Facebook at an event.

MTS Centre: Winnipeg Jets

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 2.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: BD C. from Winnipeg, Manitoba

    Hilarious Review

    Oh the Jets are going all right. Right out of a playoff spot as expected. Too bad we don't have real management that know how to win. CONGRATS people, the owners screw ya good, CHIPMAN, another crook who should be in jail. Just like the Bombers, you continue to make the a-holes rich.

     

    Only three Yelp! reviews for the beloved Winnipeg Jets? Get on it, Manitoba. The honeymoon period is about over, don't you think?

Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum: New York Islanders

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 2.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: K.K. from New York City

    Hilarious Review

    This place is an uber-poop hole {sic}.  It is infamously known as the worst professional sporting arena in all of North America.  A well deserved moniker.

    - The seat cushions are worn out and matted down

    - There are not enough bathrooms

    - The concourse is narrower than your typical high school venue

    - There are seats where the overhang blocks the scoreboard

    - There are seats where you must sit at a 45 degree angle if you're over 5'9".

    - The food options are terrible

    - Getting there EVEN FROM MANHATTAN, is like the plot to the Steve Martin + John Candy classic:  Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.   1) Subway to Penn Station, 2) LIRR to Hempstead, 3) N70 to outside the arena, 4) 1/4 mile walk to arena. Really? Am I in Cleveland yet?

    The only good thing about seeing a game at NVMC is the price.  You see, they know it sucks so bad, that they have to keep the prices low...

     

    There are a lot of negative reviews for the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum. This pretty much rolls all the complaints into one handy review.

Nationwide Arena: Columbus Blue Jackets

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    Overall Yelp! Rating:

    Hilarious Reviewer: Stephanie P. from Dublin, Ohio

    Hilarious Review

    Pro-tip: In you're in sections 109-111, make a note of where the cannon is. I routinely forget about the cannon and then spill my beer/pee my pants when it goes off. 

     

    With Marian Gaborik in town, this might become a problem.

Pepsi Center: Colorado Avalanche

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 3.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Samantha S. from Denver, Colo.

    Hilarious Review

    I felt like I was in an airplane, the seats seems to be measured just like that... if not smaller...  I would hope that the person next to you doesn't try to EAT or move or clap to widely, because there is barley enough room to sit upright at attention, let alone move. 

    Be careful when putting your beverage in the holder.  I don't think that is there for real use, but maybe just to appease people who may have complained there are not cup holders, or maybe it is some kind of loose regulation... GOD forbid if the person in front of you has... say... HAIR ON THEIR HEAD.... because that can end up in your pop.. or beer.... or what not.. yucky...  how poorly placed :)   

    THEN, if you are sitting back in your chair and put your head back, maybe need to stretch... don't reach up, because you may look up or feel up the privates of the person behind you... talk about up close and personal!!

     

    Samantha clearly doesn't know how good she has it. Some people would pay a pretty penny for some of these... experiences.

PNC Arena: Carolina Hurricanes

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Julia H. from Raleigh, N.C.

    Hilarious Review

    Airplane seats not cramped enough for you? Movie snacks not expensive enough? Well, fear not -- it's the RBC Center to the rescue!

     

    Various reviewers had the same concerns as Julia. She was one of many dissatisfied with how cramped the space is when you're trying to sit down and watch a hockey game. Standing at sporting events is hard.

Prudential Center: New Jersey Devils

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Chris K. from New York City

    Hilarious Review

    stock tip of the day:

    1) as long as nj exists ______ will always be profitable. 

    a) forever 21
    b) wet seal
    c) juicy couture
    d) all of the above

    long live prudential center. 

    p.s. do not take the path.  the double decker nj transit trains were surprisingly clean and quick.

     

    Looks like someone doesn't ignore reality TV very often.

Rexall Place: Edmonton Oilers

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 2.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Brittany K. from Edmonton, Alberta

    Hilarious Review

    I'm not really a hockey girl, but I do love concerts. I've seen a ton here over the years: Britney, The Hip, and the life-changing Lady Gaga (helloooo, floor seats)!

     

    Life-changing Lady Gaga? Did you miss the 1980's entirely or something? There are some words that should never be used together, and Lady Gaga along with life-changing is a prime example.

Rogers Arena: Vancouver Canucks

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 3.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Michael A. from Vancouver, B.C.

    Hilarious Review

    Wow, what an uncomfortable night of hockey watching. I guess the days of watching a game and dozing off are long gone.  

    No wonder my grandfather wants to die. 

    In the vein of large venue outings, Rogers Arena is in a very convenient location. It's a shame it assumes that 'super-loud' trance music has a place in everyone's hearts, and i will admit, after i complained to my son about the volume of the shitty, motivational, hook snippets, to my left i saw a 60+ year old white man tapping his toe to the beat.

    It's possible that it was involuntary and was simply a worn out nervous system coping with lowest-common-denominator beats but i will give him the benefit of the doubt because it's also possible he has an unmotivated teenage daughter or gay son, and he's heard the song pounding through the walls of his house since the first version of this song was created 22 years ago.  

    Do these marketing geniuses have anything to lose by following the airplane formula of having headphone jacks in the seat? That way all the drunk girls and gel-boys (3 inch underwear models) can blast the flavour {sic} of the week from the local acid bar, and not be a huge bother to those people who actually purchase tickets with THIER OWN money. I know, i know, there's a number of "play'ahs' {sic} out there say'n {sic} "I paid with my monies you f$%!!".

    Then dress like you have money and not a head injury.

     

    It's not often I find myself speechless after reading a comment on the Internet, but this gem made it particularly hard to breathe. What with laughing hysterically at the ageism-drenched remarks and wanting to fall asleep at a Vancouver Canucks game and all.

Scotiabank Place: Ottawa Senators

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 3.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Tom R. from Ottawa, Ontario

    Hilarious Review

    First of all, the location of Scotiabank automatically costs it two stars, the tagline should be "Scotiabank Place-What the bloody hell were they thinking when they built it out here".    It's a pain to get to by car (traffic bottlenecks and chaotic parking) and a pain to get to by public transit (unless you enjoy half hour bus rides in {sic{ a packed, loud bus.)

     

    Tom had similar complaints to other Yelp! reviewers about the awful transit and the arena sitting on the outskirts of town.

Scotiabank Saddledome: Calgary Flames

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 3.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Christopher W. from Calgary, Alberta

    Hilarious Review

    I've been to the Saddledome a few times and took it in from different angles and it reminds me of every other hockey arena in the NHL. Last week was the highest altitude I've been there (I could touch the ceiling) and worried I'd be scorched by the flames they shoot out when the Flames score. But, it was a Flames game after all, and I wasn't too afraid of them scoring.....

    Anyway, I wasn't lit on fire and the night went well. Even in the highest seats you can still see the game because of the structure of the building and every other large arena. There really aren't any obstructed seats, just ones that force you to look straight down.

    But more importantly, I've been running experiments on this so-called "heroin beer" they dispense at the games. Rumour has it the kegs are in the basement and the beer is shot up through rarely cleaned tubes to the top and into those plastic Pengrowth cups. The woman at the highest bar at the place only muttered incoherencies when we confronted her on it. 

    Does anyone know the truth about the beer situation there?????

     

    Yeah. One should apparently never, ever drink beer when watching the Calgary Flames at home. Or wear cowboy hats.

Scottrade Center: St. Louis Blues

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Andrew W. from Wheaton, Ill.

    Hilarious Review

    Gone a few times for Blues games. Fans are a little over the top for the family friendly atmosphere they project. Lots of regulars. Seats are ridiculously overpriced the last couple years. There used to be half offs, all food included, etc. They've cut all that out and the cheapest seat in the house is gonna set you back nearly $100 for the pair on date night. Used to be a hockey game was $15 a seat.

     

    Oh the joys from going from the league basement to legit Stanley Cup contender. Rough days abound for all the true St. Louis Blues fans from Illinois who live 40 minutes away from downtown Chicago.

Staples Center: L.A. Kings

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Lauren B. from Beverly Hills, Calif.

    Hilarious Review

    Even the shaking sound of large muscular men bashing into walls won't distract me from the worst nachos ever. It was my first hockey game AND my first Staples Center visit. The testosterone was enough to make my knees buckle with excitement.

    I got a complimentary buzz from the concession stand as I was sucking the first inch off of the 4 beers I purchased the woman filled them all back up to the brim with a smile. "Go on suga'", she said, and I obliged. Twice we did this delicious dance.

    I walked back down to my seat stunned at the excitement of all the beer just chugged with more in my hand.

    Then the nachos ruined my buzz.

    The salsa tasted like red dirt mixed with ass. The velvety orange cheese was not abundant, and the guacamole was lacking so much color it looked more like hummus.

     

    Don't let nachos ruin your beer and hockey buzz. Ever. Few things were put into this world to truly "go together." Hockey and beer were meant for each other.

Tampa Bay Times Forum: Tampa Bay Lightning

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Amanda D. from Atlanta, Ga.

    Hilarious Review

    Oh my god the tesla coils, if this place didn't charge $.25 per ounce of carbonated water and syrup in a plastic bottle, that would be 5 stars.

    But $5 for a bottle of soda is the kind of crap I expect from Six Flags, not an arena.

    The lighting is GORGEOUS. I didn't even have to edit a lot of my pictures during warmups because they looked SO good.

    And the tesla coils. Coolest thing EVER. Here I thought the bird heads that shoot fire in Philips Arena were cool.

    FREAKIN' LIGHTNING.

    I mean I didn't walk out of this place crying that I just took a 4 day, 1500 mile trip to watch the Canadiens lose twice because of the coils. 

     

    The Tampa Bay Lightning have discovered the cure for depression. Tesla coils. Freakin' lightning.

TD Garden: Boston Bruins

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 3.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Alex O. from Boston

    Hilarious Review

    F*&^ing asinine stupid lame insanely _______ double-standard ridiculous rules aside the arena is very nice and new and the hockey game was great. So it gets two stars. 

    Go Bruins

     

    Alex here is referring to two rules that the TD Garden has. First, you aren't allowed to bring any bags of any kind to the game. They began enforcing this rule after 9/11. Something about public safety.

    And second, they won't serve beers to anyone under 25 who doesn't possess a driver's license from Massachusetts.

United Center: Chicago Blackhawks

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Frank Z. from Chicago

    Hilarious Review

    The United Center is the best place in Chicago to see the Red Wings play.

     

    I see what you did there, Frank. Clever. Really clever.

Verizon Center: Washington Capitals

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 3.5 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Paul M. from Washington, D.C.

    Hilarious Review

    Over the years The Honey has skilfully turned her birthday from a single dinner at a decent restaurant into what now seems like a freakin' month long celebratory pageant worthy of Trajan's Victory over the Dacians. 

    First off there was the night out with the girls, then there are lunches and dinners with assorted friends, neighbors, fellow PTA members and so on.  At some point the two of us will go out to dinner, and that will be the pousse-cafe punctuation to the orgy of celebration of which this particular event I am now writing about is the centerpiece - the family party outing.

    The Honey wanted to see "Smucker's Stars on Ice" at the Verizon Center. 
    And that means all of us have to go. I swear to God. The Honey owes me big. 3 days in the freakin' woods with the kids, an afternoon with her mother, sandwiched by an evening of this absolute schlock.

    I am still in recovery mode. 

     

    This is a pretty negative and scathing one-star review considering the issues at hand here have absolutely nothing to do with the Verizon Center. It sounds like someone needs to be watching American Beauty for the first time since college.

Wells Fargo Center: Philadelphia Flyers

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Jim M. from Collingswood, N.J.

    Hilarious Review

    ...The seats themselves were a little old school. The wooden fold up seats reminded my of my high school auditorium. I ended up putting my keys on the seat next to me and then having to lift it up to let someone by. What I didn't realize is that they had an opening in the floor under that seat and my keys to everything including work went down under the stands. Panic time...

     

    Thanks for the memories, Wells Fargo Center.

Xcel Energy Center: Minnesota Wild

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    Overall Yelp! Rating: 4 Stars

    Hilarious Reviewer: Jennifer S. from St. Paul, Minn.

    Hilarious Review

    All concessions stands were out of roasted, salted peanuts (very disappointing since this would have been The One Item that actually had some healthy nutrition value); otherwise, their offerings consist of grease, salt, sugar, and sh*t, generally.

     

    There may or may not be someone whose name rhymes with Schmenifer that needs to check the nutrition facts on a bag of salted, oven-roasted peanuts.