It's all fun and games until you're in jail...naked.
Considering all the sporting events there are around the world in a given day, fans crashing the field is a statistically rare occurrence. Sure, the whole numbers game isn't exactly my "wheelhouse," as nerds would say, but just trust me on this one.
Running onto the field during a game is something that less than a fraction of one percent of fans will ever do in their lifetime. But thinking about running onto the field during a game, on the other hand, is something most sports fans have thought about at some point or another.
Seriously, I'm thinking about it right now.
But I'm not going to do it tonight. Or tomorrow. Or at any other Nationals game I attend the rest of the year. Or even the next time I'm lucky enough to attend a Steelers game. Not because it doesn't sound amazing, because it does.
It's because in reality, it is not amazing. Sure, you get attention for about 10 minutes, but all but a few field-crashers are nothing but a flash in the pan. They risk life and limb for absolutely nothing and end up in jail in their underwear more often than not.
You just shouldn't do it. And here are 20 videos proving why. But if you do do, please tweet me the video, because then at least someone will think you're amazing.
We all know how seriously everyone involved takes the Pro Bowl. The fans think it's a joke. The players think it's a joke. So, despite the consistent and inexplicably high ratings, it seems we're all in agreement that the whole thing is a joke.
That's probably why when two people crashed the field simultaneously at the 2011 Pro Bowl, nobody seemed to care much. Certainly not the fans, and definitely not the players. In fact, that incident seems to be the most fun Philip Rivers and London Fletcher had all day.
Naturally, the security guards cared—a little too much, but what else is new. Not complaining about the takedown or anything, though. That was the most contact we saw all day.
Hey! Remember how Heat superstar LeBron James used to play for the Cavaliers? Then he left and everyone in Cleveland was super angry and burned his jerseys and basically wished very bad things on him. It was understandable at the time.
After all, James certainly could've handled the announcement a little better. But time passed and eventually many people decided to forgive him, while others are strangely obsessed with stoking the fires of irrational hatred.
There is certainly one guy who has completely forgiven King James, which we learned during a game in Cleveland against the Heat in March. He decided to wander onto the court and tell James how much he missed him and pleaded with him to one day return to the Cavs.
When asked about the incident, James responded, "I didn't have much time to say much to him, because security got to him." They did indeed. Let this be a lesson, folks: The middle of a game isn't an ideal time to have a conversation with LeBron James.
Even if you're being nice.
This video was posted in 2011, but it looks much older. Maybe it is older, or maybe it was filmed through one of those cubed glass walls that were all the rage in the '80s.
Not that it matters. It doesn't even matter that there are extremely limited details posted on YouTube. Everything you need to know about what's going on is quite evident in the video.
- Some fan storms the pitch.
- He's donning the infamous Borat swimsuit.
- He runs around like a lunatic.
- And he's eventually taken down by a player because security wasn't doing its job.
- They were both ejected.
At least the player just had to go to the locker room in his clothes. Who knows where the guy in the banana hammock with suspenders had to go. Probably somewhere unpleasant for him...and everyone around him.
When a fan crashes the field at an MLB game, the sense of urgency to get the offender ranges drastically from game to game. Sometimes the perpetrator gets in a few good seconds of glory.
But on average, the incidents rarely go beyond 30 seconds or so. But that's not like anything that went down when some kid jumped the left-field bleachers at an Orioles home game back in 2010.
In fact, the fan was given carte blanche to run around at a less-than-impressive pace for almost a full minute before anyone even feigned interest. He dodged a security guard and went back into the stands at one point before seeing another security guard and changing course.
Then he ran around for another full minute before finally tiring himself out and basically handcuffing himself for the police. It's like letting an irrationally hostile child scream his brains out until he finally gets bored and gives up.
Loving the security policy here.
Generally, I'm of the mind that running onto the field for any reason usually has more negatives than positives. You're risking injury, ridicule, fines and who knows what after those angry security people drag you away.
But considering the high-profile nature of the FIFA World Cup and the fact that the shirtless dude draped in the Mexican flag gets to run around for almost a full minute unscathed before being mercilessly tackled…I don't know.
I'm not saying that it's something I'd do, personally. But this guy makes it abundantly clear that he will go above and beyond for Mexico.
According to the YouTube uploader, the guy in the video was sitting directly behind him, and someone bet him $300 to run out onto the field during the ninth inning. Apparently, he was just drunk enough to accept said bet (considering that wouldn't even cover his bail/fine).
The video picks up right when the guy gets near the players at midfield, but considering nobody seemed to notice he was creeping up on them, there's more than a decent chance that he just hopped on the field and meandered over.
Eventually, security catches on, and he makes it all of a few yards before being absolutely crushed. They drag him a bit, carry him a bit, and then eventually he walks off mostly on his own accord. Really hope he was able to collect on that bet.
You know why more fans storm the field at MLB games than at NFL games? Because football players are more than willing to give a fan the business himself.
If a fan hits the turf during an NFL game—particularly in early January—he should be ready to be pancaked.
That's exactly what happened to this Packers fan who decided he was ready for his proverbial 15 minutes of fame during a game against the Lions in January 2012. In this case, it was about five seconds.
Linebacker Brad Jones ended his fun before it even began.
There's no official etiquette for fans crashing the field, although there definitely should be. If said book existed, one of the first rules would be that if your baseball team is winning in the ninth inning, you should keep your keister in your seat.
Maybe it's arbitrary. Maybe it's not. But manners are manners. Well, back in 2007, a Yankees fan broke that rule I just made up and stormed the field in the ninth inning with the team up 6-2.
He actually lost his shirt, hit one base and almost ran over the mound before every security guard in New York tackled him. "QUIT RESISTING! QUIT RESISTING!" is likely what they were screaming as they piled on top of him long after the chase was over.
God bless the fan who decided to crash the field during a Fresno State vs. Nevada game in November 2010. This guy really made the game worth the cost of admission.
Who knows how he got there. Who knows when he took off his shirt. And who knows what the heck is on his head...let's just imagine it's his underwear because that sounds amazing.
He gets his moment to do a little jiggly belly dance before having to take off on a mad dash to avoid the suddenly concerned security team. And "team" is a term used quite literally here, considering no less than seven guys take dancing dude down at once.
And they weren't exactly using kid gloves. This guy must have really peeved them off.
Of all the teams in MLB, you'd have to imagine that Red Sox fans are some of the most likely to storm the field during the course of a game.
When you mix those Beantown brawlers with a whole lot of beer and a healthy dose of the Dropkick Murphys, you've got yourself a recipe for anarchy. The issue with hitting the field when you're drunk is that you've got precisely six seconds of glory.
This dude was taken down so fast and so hard that it's pretty tough to imagine he thought the whole episode was worth it the next day. You know, when his very angry wife was bailing him out of jail.
Every fan who crashes a field, no matter the sport, has to be expecting that he will be taken down at some point. Probably in a relatively violent fashion. Perhaps via a very unpleasant amount of electricity rendering him motionless as the voltage races through his body.
Maybe he'll be lucky enough to be taken down by a player—only "lucky" in that it makes for a better story. But more than likely, he is going to be stopped and led away in restraints by an excessive number of security officials.
Either way, though, that's something that every crasher accepts before making that fateful decision to jump over that wall. It's hard to imagine that any of them believe their little jaunt will end at the hands of a mascot who goes by the name of KC Wolf.
But you win some, you lose some. This dude lost one.
Back in June 2009 at the French Open, a deranged fan started running toward tennis legend Roger Federer like he was on fire and Federer was the only one in the world who could help him.
He was tackled with the brute force of one of those crash-test dummies you see in car commercials. But as it turns out, Federer was never actually in danger.
Apparently the weirdo was decked out in Barcelona gear and was trying to make his way to Federer because he wanted to put a Barca hat on Federer's dome.
Storming the field after a big win is one of those things that college kids just can't resist. They're young. They've got a lot of energy. They're drunk. And they make bad decisions and really don't like following the rules in general.
But storming the field (or court) after a win can be dangerous. When you've got that many ridiculously excited people together in such an enclosed space, you never know what can happen. Thankfully most occur without incident.
Unfortunately for one poor Mizzou fan, it did not occur without incident back in 2003. He was just trying to celebrate his school's big win over Nebraska with his fellow fans when, out of the blue, Nebraska player Kellen Huston straight-up sucker-punched him square in the face.
This is one case when a player was the one that got in trouble. Huston's bad behavior came at a price, both financial and reputation-wise.
This video picks up mid-run for this field-crasher at an Orioles game.
By the time the camera catches up to him, he's already lost his shirt and shoes—but maybe he never had them on to begin with. Perhaps he left them in the stands, fearing they would only slow him down.
The one thing this guy has going for him is that he seems to have a plan—run the bases. Not all of them, of course, just the important ones.
And he actually slides in face first and bare-chested. The most impressive part of this scene is that he gets up and continues to run, to God knows where.
But the umpire finally decides to tackle him from behind, ending everyone's fun. Typical ump! That guy was totally safe.
The Steelers may not think former linebacker James Harrison is big and bad enough to keep earning a paycheck in Pittsburgh, but there's at least one Browns fan out there who may beg to differ.
During a game in Cleveland back in late 2005, one enthusiastic fan, perhaps numbed by the cold and a few too many brews, decided to storm the field during the division rivalry game.
Harrison wasn't having it for a second. He's not the type to rely on security—he is the security. So he grabbed the guy, threw him up and slammed him straight to the ground with ease. Ouch.
The hockey streaker is like Halley's Comet—most of us are lucky to see even one in our lifetime. There are just too many obstacles in place to prevent this sort of thing from happening.
First of all, NHL hockey is played behind tall panels of plexiglass that surround the entire rink. Otherwise, fans would be leaving on stretchers every five minutes after taking a puck to the face. Those things protect fans and tend to keep them off the ice, which also protects them because hockey players presumably aren't afraid to drop the gloves and beat the crap out of someone.
But even if a fan manages to find a way over the glass and onto the ice, the fact that it's ice is enough to convince most rational people to keep their clothes on.
But this past March, one amazing man treated the fans at the Saddledome to their very own viewing of Halley's Comet in Calgary. Somehow he evaded detection and made his way down to ice level and just wandered gingerly out to center ice before he was swiftly detained by security on ice skates.
By the way, Calgary is the only place that Halley's Comet is more or less a regular event, relatively speaking. Apparently the same thing happened in 2002. The fan was completely naked, except for a pair of red socks. He slipped on the ice and knocked himself unconscious, later pleading guilty to public drunkenness.
Hmm...you don't say.
If there's anything that's played out these days, it's the whole #YOLO thing. Not that it matters. There's nothing the human species seems to enjoy more than beating a (metaphorically) dead horse.
To the credit of this Blue Jays fan, this incident played out just over a year ago, so it wasn't as played out at the time. And you really have to give him credit for speed, originality and a lack of body-image issues.
He hit the field fully clothed and was down to his teeny-tiny underwear in no time flat. Then he managed to evade security for a full 50 seconds before being brought down.
Sounds pretty awesome, right? Well, think about him in a holding cell for the next few hours, wearing nothing but his sneakers, underwear and #YOLO scrawled on his back.
Soccer is a pretty big deal in the rest of the world.
But did you have any idea that soccer is such a big deal that it can be "I'll stab you right here on this pitch" serious?
Yeah, well, it can. That's exactly what happened during a match between Blooming and River Plate in the first round of the Copa Sudamericana back in August 2009. The match had to be suspended after a knife-wielding lunatic stormed the pitch.
And he wasn't just there to scare someone, either—he was there to stab. He lunged at River Plate's Henry Gimenez and knocked him to the ground. Thankfully the lunatic was apprehended—by what looks to be a fully operational militia—before inflicting any serious damage.
Have you ever seen parents at a sporting event? Some are simply not the type of people you want to mess with in any way. You know all that mama grizzly stuff? It's true, and it applies to dads too. (Especially moms and dads who are police officers.)
You don't want to incur the wrath of a papa grizzly anymore than a mama grizzly, assuming you understand that we're now actually talking about human beings and not bears.
During a high school football game outside Sacramento last October, spectators and players alike were treated to the sight of a shirtless drunk wandering the field aimlessly. He was pouring out water bottles, wearing very low-hanging skinny jeans and a belt up around his waist—about four inches too high.
That was more than enough for the tackle-making dad, an off-duty lieutenant with a local law-enforcement agency.
In May 2010, an enthusiastic Phillies fan became one of the most infamous field-crashers of all time when he jumped the wall at Citizens Bank Park. Steve Consalvi, who was 17 years old at the time, wasn't even under the influence of any drugs or alcohol.
Honestly, he seems like a pretty nice kid—apparently he called his dad to ask for permission before making his mad dash. Naturally, dad advised him against it, but the fact that he even called to begin with? That's pretty impressive for a teenager.
Consalvi couldn't resist the once-in-a-lifetime experience and threw caution to the wind. As a young guy, he actually managed to evade security for a hot second. Unfortunately for Consalvi, he couldn't avoid the long reach of the security guard's taser for much long and went down like a pile of bricks.
Almost everything about teenagers is irritating—it's in their teenager DNA. But this kid reminds me of how awesome life used to be when the cost/benefit analysis of your decisions was a lot more skewed.
Or at least mine.
And that's not an easy thing for a Pittsburgh girl to admit, considering Philadelphia is like our larger, meaner, more irrationally violent big brother.
Speaking of irrationally violent, you should follow me on Twitter. I'm prone to fits of rage—but just awesome ones. Follow @blamberr