Mmmm, breathe it in.
That’s the fresh air of baseball season—hot dogs cooking on the grill, beer brats stewing in their juices and the acrid smell of human flesh burning in the parking lot.
Yes, “human being” was added to the list of things cooking outside Citizens Bank Park when one Philadelphia Phillies fan became far too overzealous with his use of barbecuing instruments and seared a hot-off-the-grill spatula into the buttocks of another Phillies fan.
Warning: Video contains nudity, people-burning and profanity. So know that.
It’s well known that Phillies fans at tailgates get weirder and rowdier than a forest of drunk fruit bats, and this incident begs a handful of questions.
Which came first: The drunk guy laying on the ground or the idea to sear the spatula into another human being? Did he pass out there with his pants down? Or did this individual willingly lay down for this futile experiment?
Obviously, there had to have been riot punch consumed before this unceremonious occasion, considering only a beverage with a heavy payload of grain alcohol could keep a man this calm while being branded.
We’ve seen some strange things happen at Phillies games, however, not the least of which involved a young fan storming the field in 2010 and receiving a taser blast courtesy of stadium security.
Or blasting each other with Roman candles and flipping cars while celebrating winning their way into the World Series in 2009.
As you can see, this spatula incident is just the latest and most painful occurrence that Phillies fans have inflicted on one another, and it’s not likely to be the last thing we see from this season.
In the meantime, someone get this man some rubbing alcohol or some riot punch to sterilize his burned bottom.
Nothing says “Go team” like grill marks: Dr__Carson