Makeovers for Top NBA Analysts' Online Personas

Jesse DorseyFeatured ColumnistApril 9, 2013

Makeovers for Top NBA Analysts' Online Personas

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    Sports figures have been given another identity, thanks to the widespread use of Twitter, and that's no different for the various NBA analysts out there.

    From Skip Bayless' ridiculous ranting, to Bill Simmons' strange thoughts here and there and everything in between, there really is something for every single NBA fan to enjoy when they sign up to get little nuggets of information on a daily basis.

    Of course, very few NBA analysts are putting together a perfect persona on Twitter, and a lot of the guys out there need a tweak here and there to really put their Twitter game over the top.

    Some guys tweet too often, others don't tweet enough, but the problem usually has to do with the tweeters having an unintentionally annoying trend, or in some people's case, completely intentionally annoying.

    So let's take a look at some of the most prominent basketball analysts out there and do a bit of work to revamp their image on Twitter.

Charley Rosen

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    Handle: @charleyrosen1

    Biggest Problem: He doesn't tweet.

    For those of you unfamiliar with Charley Rosen, he's written a dozen or so books about basketball, including "More Than a Game" which he wrote along with Phil Jackson.

    He's an old man, everything seems to upset him, and he's never afraid to share what he thinks is wrong with this or that.

    Just take a look at a few sample tweets from Rosen:

    #Lakers - so Jim Buss says triangle not good for LAL roster?What nonsense. He cant tell a pick-and-roll from a Kaiser roll

    — charley rosen (@charleyrosen1) November 13, 2012

    He always seemed to be a good person to get a bit of inside information regarding the Lakers during his Twitter stint.

    #Lakers - says an ex-NBA coach (not PJ!) - "It's simple. Mike Brown can't coach."

    — charley rosen (@charleyrosen1) November 12, 2012

    If you notice, both of these are from back in November. Not only am I unsure as to whether this is actually an account run by him, but I'm not sure if anybody knows that he put together a Twitter account.

    The last time he tweeted was November 14, which is too long to go without hearing the upset ramblings of a terrific basketball mind.

Charles Barkley

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    Biggest Problem: He's not on Twitter.

    There are a few satirical Charles Barkley accounts floating around Twitter, but none of them are Sir Charles himself.

    We need to work together, put in a collective effort and somehow get Barkley to change his mind on the social media giant and open an account.

    Barkley's ranting and raving is exactly what Twitter needs, and it's one of the few things that could improve upon the website even more.

    I'm not sure whether he would type in the same manner that he talks, but it would be entertaining nonetheless.

    Charlie Sheen created a Twitter account and picked up followers by the thousands instantly. Something tells me the same would happen if Barkley put one together.

Shaquille O'Neal

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    Handle: @SHAQ

    Biggest Problem: He tweets like he talks.

    I've got no problem with people shortening words, throwing in acronyms every now and then and just trying to get their point across when they're tweeting. However, at some point, it gets frustrating to slow down and read it out bit by bit.

    Maybe I'm prematurely turning into a crotchety old man, or maybe I'm alone in this, but sometimes, reading Shaq's tweets is a chore:

    U might see detective oneal in action tonight. Watch south land I'm looking for two people.

    — SHAQ (@SHAQ) April 4, 2013

    Of course, there are also times like this when everything seems completely fine.

    It's April Fool's Day, aka #Shaqtin a Fool Day. What is your favorite #Shaqtin moment from this season?

    — SHAQ (@SHAQ) April 1, 2013

    Sometimes he's fine, but when he gets lazy (Shaq lazy? Never.), things get sloppy and hard to read.

    Therefore, I want a professional Tweeter to take the reins of Shaq's smartphone and dictate down everything that he wants to tweet. There needs to be some kind of filter to help us all out.

Tommy Heinshon

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    Handle: @CSNTommy

    Biggest Problem: Somebody tweets for him

    Tommy Heinsohn is the oft-maligned color commentator for the Boston Celtics. He's a homer's homer, insisting that the Celtics commit zero fouls throughout the course of a game, while their opponents frequently maul them on a minute-to-minute basis.

    Unlike Shaq, my biggest problem with Heinsohn's Twitter account is that somebody is tweeting for him.

    "He was omnipresent on both ends of the floor...And he led the team in scoring. For that, Brandon Bass wins the #TommyAward!" #CelticsTalk

    — Tommy Heinsohn (@CSNTommy) April 8, 2013

    What really makes him entertaining is the fact that his Twitter handlers put the perfect emphasis on his complaints.

    "If they ever called that, they would have been booed out of the building. In fact, they might have been CARRIED out of the building!"

    — Tommy Heinsohn (@CSNTommy) April 8, 2013

    What I want is for Tommy to take it into his own power and get to pecking out messages throughout the course of a game to get his message out.

    Something tells me it would make everything he says that much funnier.

Skip Bayless

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    Handle: @RealSkipBayless

    Biggest Problem: He's Skip Bayless.

    If you were to call Skip Bayless a talented basketball analyst, then odds are you don't see much of anything else outside of ESPN.

    He stands too stubborn next to his ideas, constantly harps on the same subject over and over again, and tends to bring things up just to stir up a bit of a ruckus.

    Westbrook 27 shots yesterday, KD 17. Just not right.

    — Skip Bayless (@RealSkipBayless) April 8, 2013

    Whether it be Westbrook shooting too much or just thoughts about the Lakers in general, Bayless never seems to stop.

    If Kobe could've passed to himself, Lakers might've had a shot today. Instead, felt like he was often playing 1-on-5 w/ lifeless teammates.

    — Skip Bayless (@RealSkipBayless) April 7, 2013

    I can't stand Skip, and I can't watch 1st and 10 anymore because of what he's become. That being said, I still follow him on Twitter.

    What makes it enjoyable to follow him is pretending that he's actually running a satire account, everything he tweets being a caricature of how ridiculous some analysts can be.

Stephen A. Smith

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    Handle: @stephenasmith

    Biggest Problem: Too much high-horsery

    As much as I dislike his early-morning debate partner, for some reason, I can't help but enjoy listening to Stephen A. Smith from time-to-time.

    You won't find many people more polished on their thoughts about the New York Knicks, and he can legitimately get a good scoop every now and then.

    That being said, sometimes he gets in a weird place on Twitter.

    Big-Time win for the Heat/Bosh. Happy he got the chance to remind everyone the Heat are not all @kingjames and @dwyanewade. Way da go!

    — Stephen A Smith (@stephenasmith) April 1, 2013

    While he's completely fine at times, giving fine insight, there are times like these when he can't help but air his grievances with the world.

    Idiots, juveniles and ignorant folks with such poor vocabulary that they can't comment w/o foul language will be blocked INSTANTLY!

    — Stephen A Smith (@stephenasmith) April 7, 2013

    It wouldn't be so bad if he just said this every once in a while, but it seems like Stephen A. is upset with the people tweeting at him on a daily basis.

    Between that, and the long absences when all he tweets is a link to his latest podcast, Smith's Twitter account can get incredibly frustrating at times.

Jalen Rose

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    Handle: @JalenRose

    Biggest Problem: Not enough stories

    Jalen Rose has turned into one of the perfect NBA players-turned-analysts. He doesn't take himself too seriously, he throws out little nuggets of insight and information every now and then, and he's genuinely interesting.

    His Twitter account is a terrific follow. He goes off on everything from what's going on around the league, to what he's doing to help out in Detroit.

    Only 3 players in the last 30 seasons have had 3 straight games w/40+pts on 60% fg's. Melo(13),MJ(91)& Bernard King(84) #NBA

    — JALEN ROSE (@JalenRose) April 6, 2013

    Of course, he's been on a bit of a college basketball tear as of late.

    WHY have so many College Coaches been allowed push,grab,choke & bully college athletes?! #FlagrantFoul #NCAA

    — JALEN ROSE (@JalenRose) April 2, 2013

    The only thing that's really missing that makes Rose such an interesting personality is the anecdotes from his days in the NBA.

    He's become famous over the past few years for telling stories about his antics with former players, but he doesn't really get into that much on Twitter.

Zach Lowe

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    Handle: @ZachLowe_NBA

    Biggest Problem: Nothing, you're awesome Zach Lowe.

    If you're looking for an NBA writer to follow on Twitter that personifies everything NBA writers should be through social media, look no further than Zach Lowe.

    He's funny, doesn't just tweet out links to his most recent work, communicates to no end with people who want to talk hoops and is just an insightful guy overall.

    My initial list of names to at least consider, even for 5 seconds, for Most Improved Player, was embarrassingly long.

    — Zach Lowe (@ZachLowe_NBA) April 9, 2013

    Lowe constantly shows that he's a down-to-earth guy, while keeping a few jokes and subtle nudges stored away for a rainy day.

    You all know I'm about as far from conspiracy theorist as it gets, but not really necessary to include LAL players in playoff promos yet.

    — Zach Lowe (@ZachLowe_NBA) April 7, 2013

    Lowe gained notoriety with Sports Illustrated before shifting over to Grantland where he's become one of the premier basketball minds.

    His Twitter account shows just that, and it's a nice follow to give you everything you would need to know about the NBA.