Andy Roddick's Dream (Humor)

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Andy Roddick's Dream (Humor)
(Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

Roddick followed the silhouetted figure through the winding, revolving tunnel. In the distance, he could hear the growing reverberation of the thundering crowd. As it grew louder, he fixed his concentration on the man walking in front of him. 

His tennis equipment and large luggage made it difficult for Andy to make out his identity. 

Who was this? 

He usually knew and always had time to prepare mentally but not this time. Was it Federer?  No, he did not walk like this man. 

Nadal? No, the shape of the head did not look the same. 

Suddenly, they both were engulfed by the massive stadium filled with shouting hysteria.  It all seemed to focus on the man ahead of Roddick.  He looked at the court as he approached.

"Damn! It's clay," he said feeling a swirl of disgust.

He looked over towards his opponent, who was now taking off his large sports bag and preparing to play. Andy knew this was no ordinary player.

As his focus became clearer, Andy began to identify his opponent and as he did so, his mouth started to open wide in disbelief. He was going to be playing...the Burger King

The creepy figure looked over to Andy and spoke in a dark, Darth Vader-like hum. 

"You've deserted me, Andy," said the King. "I don't take kindly to that, and now I am going to make you pay." 

Andy's hairstyle reverted to a mild Mohawk in horror.

The Burger King served a lightning bolt that was past Roddick before he could respond.  After every point won, Roddick could see a sparkle light up on his crown. 

The Burger King danced in the swirling red dust as he returned ball after ball until Roddick could fight no more.  Roddick looked over the umpire chair to find that his own coach, Larry Stefanki, was officiating. 

He tried to get Stefanki's attention, but his coach did not seem to hear.  Roddick barely had time to turn his focus back to the match when he was hit by the Burger King's powerful forehand. Smack! Right in the forehead!

Roddick collapsed into the powdery red dirt. As he got up, he heard his coach proclaim, "Game, set and match—Burger King!" 

Roddick looked over to see his opponent rushing towards the net with his hands outstretched forward. He had something in them. Roddick could not move. The clay had a stranglehold on his feet. 

The Burger King approached the net, and Roddick could see that it was two Whoppers that seemed to grow in size as he approached.

"Don't fight it, Andy," the King said. "You've been away too long."

As Andy was about to be met with two Whoppers, he woke up screaming in his bed. The door patio with flowing curtains was opened by a breezy wind.  He looked down in his hands to see that there was crumpled paper.

He unfolded it and turned white when he saw what it was. Burger King coupons! 

Soon, he would be on the phone with Stefanki to tell him that there was going to be a diet change. 

"I missed you too, Burger King," he thought as he made his way to a long overdue lunch. 

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