To some, they are simply Rob, Kendal, Eddie, Adam, Quinn, Randy, Shawn, Samuel, Jake, Daniel, Dale, Erbie, John and Stanley. But to Dallas Mavericks fans, they are so much more.
They comprise the Mavericks' dancers, the most unique troupe in the NBA. No, not these dancers. These guys. Sure, they look less like a dance squad and more like the offensive line from the New York Jets' practice squad, but they can boogie like nobody's business.
Yes, in a season where the Mavs overslept for the bus to the playoffs, at least the ManiAACs have been keeping fans entertained. That's right, the ManiAACs.
The reason why their name pays homage to the American Airlines Center is unclear, but they can certainly cut a rug.
Mavs ManiAACs @ManiAACs
Working so hard to make Mavs entertainment groups the best in the NBA!!! #MavsEnt http://t.co/tMqgP2Og7V2013-3-28 15:03:34
Separately, they are just 14 guys who enjoy dancing in their spare time. But together, they represent a momentum-shifting powerhouse of hype and hilarity.
Created during the 2002 playoffs, the ManiAACs blazed a trail for men's rights by becoming the league's first all-male performance squad. They're still going strong, now in their eighth full season.
Unlike their petite feminine counterparts, these cheerleaders are big and bombastic. Four of them incorporate the word "big" directly into their nickname, so you know they're larger than life. And they're an eclectic bunch, to say the least.
The Men Behind the Moves
Big D's favorite food is "'On the Border' Mexican food with lots of Heinz Ketchup," and his favorite played is Keith Van Horn. His turn-ons include food buffets. Big Rob "prefers apple flavored thongs" to conventional boxers or briefs.
Wild Dog!'s (his name includes the exclamation point) favorite food is Iams mini chunks and his turn-offs include "jacked up grill & funk nasty feet." Sinque (alternately, Sin-Q) enjoys collecting African art and his favorite musical artist is "Chaka kahn," although he probably means Chaka Khan.
In response to being asked what he does to stay fit, Krazy K answered, "Dumbest question ever to ask a ManiAAC."
Still, the ManiAACs have got some pretty fresh moves. Check out the human exercise bike in this video.
They are firemen, accountants and entrepreneurs in the truest sense. Their likes include vices such as chocolate chip cookies, as evinced by the copious beer guts peeking through their questionably chosen fringed shirts.
Ironically, they are co-sponsored by a fitness club. They are also sponsored by a Mongolian BBQ restaurant.
Seven of the ManiAACs are listed as 300-pounders; E-LUV conspicuously reports himself as being 399 pounds and may need to visit that fitness club more often.
Beyond the Hardwood
This merry band of mostly middle-aged men bring in both the noise and the funk. They even have a dwarf.
And their exploits are not confined to the basketball court. They've appeared on the The Tonight Show, The Best Damn Sport Show Period and America's Got Talent.
You have to admire their seamless transition from Blues Brothers to MC Hammer.
However, Piers Morgan was not impressed and was even a little bit rude. Perhaps he's still smarting from the phone-hacking scandal that destroyed his journalistic credibility.
But this is hardly their first trip to the rodeo. The ManiAACs have done it all, from belly dancing to "Thriller."
In 2011, they held an open audition and listed the qualifications as follows: "men who are Mavs fanatics, beefy, love to dance and are at least 18 years of age" (via ESPN.com).
Calling all beefy dancers in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area: Bide your time and prepare for the call to arms. Some day soon, the ManiAACs will need reinforcements.
Until then, these superior athletes will continue to maintain both their sick dance moves and peak physical conditions.