NBA Players Stuck in Low-Budget Ads
Many NBA players make a few extra bucks through endorsements, but most players aren't visible enough to get an endorsement on a national level. So that leaves us with hilariously cheap local commercials featuring run-of-the-mill NBA players.
While the players may move on, the video still exists somewhere on the Internet waiting to give us another chuckle.
Whether it be car companies, sandwich or pizza shops, or even local scrap yards, every business in an area surrounding NBA cities likes to get an endorsement from a famous face.
The only problem is that they often blow the entire budget getting their NBA player of choice (who often isn't a star player) to do a few takes.
There are often quite a few intentionally funny NBA ads, but they're generally the nationally televised ones that have the money to pay somebody to write them.
However, the genuine belly laughs come from accidental humor, often coming from a terrible commercial.
These are the best of the best, some still running, some living on through time, thanks to the majesty of the Internet.
8. Deron Williams Has No Friends
Bailey's Moving and Storage has done a handful of ads with the Utah Jazz, some dating back a few years, some still hanging around.
My favorite has to be the spot in which Deron Williams is trying to get Jazz players to help him move.
I find it hilarious if you imagine they made this commercial after the Jazz traded Williams to the (then) New Jersey Nets.
At that point, Williams is calling everybody, Carlos Boozer, Mehmet Okur and even the Jazz mascot to see who will help him move. In the end, nobody even wanted to talk to him.
The only disappointing thing about this is that they never made a similar commercial with LeBron James in Cleveland, the irony would be too thick to wade through.
7. The Happiest Perk Has Ever Been
Two of my favorite things are thrust together in this advertisement for Norman Chrysler Jeep & Dodge in Oklahoma City; NBA-endorsed car dealership commercials and basketball players singing. Both are generally gold, but this one combines the best of both words.
Not only do we get Reggie Jackson belting out an uninspired "OoooOOOoooOOOooOOoh", but also the clever idea of having Kendrick Perkins staring angrily at the camera.
For whatever reason, it's usually the car commercials that put together the best NBA spots that end up being funny on purpose, and this one is no different.
Of course, they were able to throw a curveball in with the singing, which added just enough unintentional humor to make me smile every time I watch.
6. Everyone Knows...It's Primo!
Of all the things that a basketball player could endorse, pasta would be right down near the bottom as far as my assumptions would go.
Even for Andrea Bargnani, endorsing a pasta company seems a little bit odd.
Obviously, the connection is there. Basketball players run a lot, they expend a lot of energy, and they need to get their carbs in order to stay energized throughout the game.
However, it seems to me that they could have passed up on the Italian connection and went for a dude with just a bit more hustle than Bargs.
Best of all, he seems to be eating the pasta somewhere on the sidelines of the gym where he was shooting. I'm not sure my local rec center would let me carbo-load on sight before a game.
5. Pau Gasol and Rafael Nadal
This commercial had me as soon as they started speaking Spanish. Obviously, that meant something odd was going to happen and I was going to have no clue why.
Next we get a shot of Pau Gasol (in full-on scruff mode) and Rafael Nadal looking at watches.
One more cut and they're on tiny bicycles racing a chihuahua. Who didn't see that coming?
They're out to sell watches, end up riding miniscule bikes and eventually serve drinks at a bar on the beach.
I think it's safe to say I like it better having no idea what's going on. It's hilarious in this light.
4. Rip Hamilton's Trusted Eye Doctor
It's hard not to look creepy while sitting in a high-backed chair with some huge machine sitting next to you, regardless of what the machine does. Not even having Rip Hamilton endorse your company is going to make me feel at ease.
Then we start talking about slicing people's eyes open and shooting lasers into them.
Sure, that may be a bit melodramatic, but that's the long and short of what's going on here, and recording a commercial in this dungeon of an eye doctor's office on a camera from 1987 was not the way to go.
Evidently, Dr. Rahmani is the only eye doctor that Hamilton trusts, so I suppose that means there's some sort of legitimacy to the product. Just as long as he didn't go to this dude to get his nose fixed after each break, I think the commercial is doing OK.
3. You Got Scrap?
A few years before Dikembe Mutombo became a commercial sensation with his Geico commercial, he was working with C & D Scrap Metal in Houston, trying to get a few bucks for his spare scrap metal, of which I'm sure he has a lot.
There's no way to say exactly what's going on in this bad boy. But Mutombo has a large speaking role (for how short the spot is), he talks in his growling, deep voice, and he pulls out a wag of the finger and a "No! No! No!" before he refined it with Geico.
It's not a very dense commercial, and there's not a ton to take away from it all, but it's funny nonetheless.
Really, that can be said of anything starring Mutombo.
2. Hey Girls...
Whenever anything starts out with an extremely tall basketball player saying "Hey girls" to a group of high school basketball players, I get nervous for what's going to come next.
In this case, those nerves were completely necessary.
While Tiago Splitter chases these young girls around the car, Gary Neal inexplicably shows up to hang out with the teens inside the team's new SUV.
As if that weren't enough, it becomes painfully obvious that Splitter has no idea what to do with his face when Neal is hanging out of the sunroof and giving us the usual sign-off.
It was a complete slop-fest, with absolutely no direction. Basically that means it was amazing.
1. Scottie Pippen's Greatest Spot Ever
If you've never witnessed the majesty that is Scottie Pippen's Mr. Submarine commercial from way back in 1991, you should probably sit down. It floored me the first time I saw it.
This one has nearly every element of humor that the previous seven commercials had, only it was filmed in the '90s and starred Pippen, so it was sent completely over the top.
Cheesy graphics, sexual innuendo, a horrible jingle and a basketball turning into a sandwich. What more could a person ask for?
Disregard that there's a six-foot long submarine sandwich standing vertically in the middle of a gym, or that Scottie and the LuvaBulls sit cross-legged in the middle of the gym while eating it.
I'm most confused that the cheerleaders are cheering in the background while Pippen does no more than dribble up to the sub.
It makes no sense, it's horribly cheesy, and it's quite possibly the best commercial endorsement a basketball player has ever made.