Remember back in the day, when you somehow still fit in those awkward Speedos, which you had to wear to your local neighborhood swim team practice? Remember how your only reward for waking up way too early on your summer vacation and exercising in freezing, heavily chlorined water all morning was the chance to win some cheap "participation" ribbons?
Then there was always that one damn kid who was a six-year-old Michael Phelps in the pool, parting the water like Moses himself and leaving a trail of urine-filled bubbles in your face on his way to the podium. He got the huge, shiny trophies. The real awards.
Well, we're bringing that mindset to the big stage. Here, everyone gets a participation ribbon just for wearing Dodger Blue. Even Juan Uribe gets the obligatory, "Hey, you're on the team! That's great!" pat on the back.
They went out and spent millions and billions of dollars to bring in heaps of All-Star talent. Therefore, the team awards banquet is bound to be filled with tough decisions and broken hearts. (Note: This could really ruin that awful team chemistry issue everyone thinks the Dodgers have.)
Without further adieu, here are the winners of all the major team awards for the Dodgers' 2013 season.