The Weirdest Sports Stuff You Will Find on Pinterest
Normally speaking in sweeping generalizations isn't a good idea. Even if you're generally correct, there's always going to be a vocal minority of irate complainers hellbent on telling you you're wrong.
So avoiding that kind of catch-all broad statement is a best practice. A best practice that we're going to completely ignore here, despite the potential for widespread backlash.
The fact of the matter is that social media site Pinterest is largely a lady's domain. The virtual scrapbooking format it specializes in is unique and apparently speaks to women. Lots of women. And almost no men. According to reports from the last year, nearly 80 percent of the site's 11 million monthly visitors are female.
Visiting the different boards on Pinterest is an experience in itself—you never know what the heck you're going to find. The most ridiculously random pins can be found on the sports board.
Of course there are plenty of legitimate sports fans on Pinterest pinning things relevant to…uh…sports. But for every legit sports pin, there are about a dozen other head-scratchers.
Here are 30 of the weirdest "sports" items you'll find on Pinterest.
Kobe Bryant in Blocks
Ah yes, the cubist representation of Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant. For the art collector who collects only the finest and most expensive terrible art.
Who knows if this thing is even for sale or what it's all about. The one thing we do know is that it's completely unnecessary.
Not Your Typical Baseball Pool
Pools by their very nature are awesome. Particularly when you you have your very own pool and don't have to bob around the filth of hundreds of other neighborhood strangers.
There aren't many things more amazing in this life than having a badass in-ground pool with an adjacent hot tub. The only thing that may be even greater is having a pool that looks like a damn baseball field!
I don't care if John Wayne Gacy owned this house; I wouldn't hesitate to RSVP "yes" to a pool party at his house.
Yes, I know he's dead. And yes, I know he was a horrifying serial killer who dressed like a clown. That's how serious I am about this freaking pool.
Deviled Football Eggs
Deviled eggs garnished with God knows what to vaguely resemble footballs. The Super Bowl snack you never knew you wanted.
Actually, it's more like the Super Bowl snack you never knew existed, and now that you know it exists, you could really take it or leave it.
Unless you hate deviled eggs, in which case you'd definitely leave it.
You Had Me at "I Heart Beers"
You lost me at "& CUTE BUTTS."
I'm a woman. And I'm a sports fan. I even love sports so much that I write about them for a living. So there's nothing I love seeing more than a lady being loud and proud about her sports allegiances.
But this stupid shirt is exactly why it is 10-times harder for a woman to be taken seriously in any sports profession than a man. It furthers the perception that women only pretend to like sports in hopes of landing themselves a ballplayer.
Nifty Novelty Bread Burners
So, I'm not going to lie—I'm actually feeling the idea behind these ridiculous toasters. Who doesn't enjoy the occasional sports-related novelty gift?
The main issue here is that the toasters, which have been pinned countless times, don't look like they function properly.
Sure, it's swell to have a Celtics logo burned into the center of your "toast," but not when the rest of it is a piece of untoasted bread with burnt crusts.
A Question That Didn't Need to Be Asked or Answered
The person who pinned this photo added the caption: "What If All The NFL Logos Were British?"
The person writing this slide is adding this caption: "Why would you ask that and who the hell cares?"
That being said, that answer is simple: They would look stupid. Very stupid.
See what they did there?
It's a doormat shaped like home plate. It's at home and it says home.
How very clever.
Baseball Home Furnishing and Punishments
Oh you know women and their throw pillows! But what if you're a fan of unusably small pillows decorating your entire house and a baseball fan.
How about creating your very own unusably small throw pillows out of official team merchandise and decorating your house with them! Bing. Bang. Boom.
But wait. What if you have kids who have no respect for the fact that, not only do you pay the bills and put food on the table, but also have no regard for your meticulously crafted custom unusably small throw pillows?
Obviously you'll need a timeout corner. But what if you need a timeout corner and you're a baseball fan. How about creating a comfy seat that looks like a baseball and is probably more fun than punishment for the offending child. Bing. Bang. Boom.
And from the Nobody on Earth Cares Files:
Here's a needless message about the oh so tragic trouble some ladies have finding an appropriately fashionable pair of cleats.
You know...the shoes...that they play soccer in.
Toenail Tributes and Silly Shoe Salutations
The amount of money some women spend on painting their toenails and otherwise decorating their feet is excessive.
I don't know how much that pedicure cost, but the price far outweighs the fact that the only people who are going to admire those toes are weirdos (like me) trolling Pinterest.
And those terrible Bobs for Blues shoes. Ugh. Those are Crocs level of ugly.
Uh...and for the Practical Sports Fan
I'm a pretty practical girl. I'm relatively handy around the house. I've got my own tools. I know how to refurbish wood furniture. I even know how to work some of your basic power tools, thanks to an overly extensive shop class in junior high.
But there's that kind of practicality and then there's the kind of practicality that possesses people on Pinterest to seek out and pin photos of things best left in the Home Depot catalogue—which I realize doesn't even exist.
The people who pinned the "sports gear dryer" and the pile of tires really need to spend less time on the web and more time in the garage.
Sports Apparel for the Undignified
Apparently there is a market for women's sports apparel that makes them look like idiots, rather than sports fans. What's wrong with not dressing like an idiot?
Why on earth would every team jersey also be sold in pink, despite the fact that none of their colors are pink? There are countless ridiculously modified monstrosities on Pinterest, so I basically just picked two at random.
The first one is obvious in it's modification for the ladies. I mean what 30-year-old woman doesn't love wearing a tutu to a football game?
The second photo? I'm know there's a sponsorship explanation for why that jersey said "BIMBO", but does it really need to be straight across the bust?
Baseball Wedding Bondage
Seriously, I don't know what the hell these things are. I asked a bunch of my friends and the answers I received ranged from the obscure to the obscene.
Needless to say, none of the answers I received brought me any closer to figuring out how these "Bridal Baseball Cuffs" have anything to do with sports. Or weddings.
They look more like fancy handcuffs than anything else. Perhaps it's for the more sexually adventurous couple?
Animals and Hockey
- They're both animals.
- Neither of them can play hockey.
- They've both had their dignity stolen by terrible people.
- They're both probably contemplating suicide.
Hey! What does a dog with ice skates and a scar have in common with a hockey stick decorated like a horse? That is a question with many answers:
Baseball Baby Bump
There are few things tackier on this planet than bare-bellied professional pregnancy photos. Engagement photos are pretty abysmal, but they don't even hold a candle to these.
I just can't imagine the kind of couple who thinks paying someone a pile of money to photograph the woman's distended belly and freakshow outtie bellybutton is a fan-freaking-tastic idea.
As if that wasn't bad enough. The brainstorming session that came up with this baseball themed photo was likely one of the most mind-numbingly stupid conversations in all of human history.
Perhaps it's a not-so-subtle way of telling the world that dude finally hit a home run with his lady friend who had been stalling him at second and third base for month. I like that scenario better.
Snug as A...
Baby in a baseball mitt.
Isn't that how the old saying goes? Meh...who has time for details these days.
Speaking of details—is that even a real baby? Or a real baseball mitt?
What! They're in Love!
- That man is old enough to be that woman's grandfather.
- But there's no chance they're related because she wouldn't be dressed like that if they were.
- There's a chance they just happened to be photographed together.
- But something tells me that's not the case.
There was no additional information on this pinned photo, so all we can do is draw our own conclusions. And I've drawn a few of my own.
Rock on old man. Rock. On.
Cabbage Patch Cardinal
Cabbage Patch Kids were one of the most popular toys for little girls in the '80s. Everyone who was anyone in second grade had one (or a dozen).
Basically these things could determine your status in the grade school social hierarchy. Son of a biscuit the world can be a messed up place for kids.
It's been far too long to recall the most popular "status" dolls, but something tells me the St. Louis Cardinals Cabbage Patch was pretty far down on the rankings in terms of cool points.
What Women Want: Horses
And more horses, apparently.
Horses. More horses. And tutus.
Gender stereotypes are alive and well on Pinterest. Maybe someday we'll live in a world where the woman who posted that will list being good at science and math as two things she wants.
Says the female writer who is terrible at science and math. FML.
Has Anyone Seen the Baby?
Mom: Hey hun, have you seen the baby anywhere?
Dad: Have you checked his crib or bouncy chair? I mean...he's an infant, and the last time I saw him he was buck ass naked.
Mom: I know! He can't even walk. Where in the hell could that child be?
Dad: Oh! Have you checked the giant baseball mitt shaped leather chair in the backyard? You know how he likes to sleep naked on that thing.
Mom: OMG! Of course—I'm sure that's where he is. I'll go check right now. Hopefully he hasn't attracted raccoons yet.
Bulls star Joakim Noah usually looks weird. That's just his thing.
The strange clothes, the terrible hair, the "I don't give an F" attitude—they all contribute to his carefully crafted weirdo image.
Which is why he wouldn't normally be included on a list like this. But there's something so goofy about Noah in this picture and I can't quite put my finger on it.
The goofy smile. The blue background. The look of calm complacency. It's just weird!
Finally a Bra for Your Own Personal Baseballs
Most of the stuff on this list is not just weird but absolutely useless and completely stupid. But I'm going to have to go the other direction with the baseball bra—I'm really digging this.
I'm not really sure why I love it so much. It's probably really expensive, if it's even for sale at all. And it's not like you could show it off at a baseball game without getting arrested...or groped.
That being said, please feel free to send me one. I'll wear it to a Natties game this summer.
To Match Your Bra, Naturally
Listen! If you got yourself a killer bra to hold your baseballs, you might at as well complete the ensemble.
The bra is great on its own, but it's even better when it's paired with a killer pair of white booty shorts. And then it's even better when finished off with a sexy pair of baseball pumps.
The whole thing is a little over the top weird, but I'm thinking about buying all of it.
"Vintage" Baseball Phone Case
You know what I've always wanted to buy brand new? A busted up iPhone case that looks exactly like my old iPhone case after it got ran over by the Red Line Metro at Woodley Park two years ago.
Vintage is a very broad term that is generally used to sell old t-shirts for $30. Well, not just t-shirts. Find any piece of garbage, label it as vintage, and you'll find a sucker willing to pay 10 times its worth.
But at least that vintage garbage is actually old. It's not new garbage repurposed to look like old garbage.
This photo was pinned with the caption: "Cheerleaders love glitter!!!!"
If you can find anything less interesting and worth posting on the Internet, I'd like to know about it. This is just something nobody needs to know about. And do all cheerleaders love glitter?
There are tens of thousands of cheerleaders in this country, and I bet plenty of them are neutral on the subject. But again, I really don't care.
Speaking of Glitter
Apparently official cheerleaders (and strippers) aren't the only ones who appreciate a healthy dose of glitter.
The Miami Hurricanes aren't known for having the most passionate fanbase. After all, there is an awful lot of other activities to keep one occupied in and around South Beach.
But this excessively shimmering 'Canes fan is sure has heck doing her part to dispel that image.
Let's just hope all that sparkly paint was nontoxic; otherwise, we might not being seeing much of her in the future.
OMG MORE GLITTER!
In case you hadn't heard, ladies like glitter.
They like it on their faces. Their arms. Their Legs. Their neck. Their bodies in general.
And apparently like they it strapped to their dome when they're in a bicycle accident.
You'll Be the Coolest Ball on the Block
Assuming there are a lot of other people on the block dressing like neon baseball balls. And there probably isn't anyone else on the block dressing like balls.
So you'd actually look like the biggest weirdo on the block, and everyone would talk about you behind your back. And every dog in the neighborhood would be chasing your ass down.
The only way this sweatshirt would be acceptable is if you took it off and had two amazing scars lining up with the red stitching on the shirt.
A Basic Spelling Lesson
Hey guess what! B is for baseball.
Someone, who I can only imagine is a longtime employee of Sesame Street, felt this was worth pinning to the Pinterest page...or area...or whatever it's called.
I is for idiot.
Cardinals Onesie Baby Bikini
Listen, I don't have kids so I'm not going to get all up in arms about this onesie Cardinals bikini for a baby. For all I know this could be for a baby boy.
I never understand the legions of outraged parents who are addicted to being outraged about outrageous things that only they have deemed outrageous.
I just thought this thing was weird as hell. But I also think babies are weird as hell too. So whatever.
Speaking of weird as hell, you should definitely follow me on Twitter: Follow @blamberr