The Boston Red Sox's mea culpa for the past couple of seasons will come in the form of an April discount on food and beer across Fenway Park.
Faced with the possibility of a dank April, dubious prospects, and swaths of empty red and blue seats, the Red Sox are ripping a page from the strategy manuals of down-market teams across Major League Baseball. They are offering free food and reduced-price beer. Yes, at Red Sox games, though only in April.
That's right, folks. You can get more bang for your buck the second you enter Fenway next month, but only for April.
Here is what you can expect in savings, per a lovely Boston.com infographic as well as their description below.
Kids under 14 will eat free — well, before the third inning, provided they go to specially designated concession stands to pick up their Fenway Frank, Goldfish, and carton of juice. Around the park, buy one hot dog, get a second for free. Hot chocolate will be sold for half-price. And beer, which flows from the Fenway taps like liquid gold and costs almost as much, will be sold for $5 per 12-ounce cup, down from between $7.50-$8.50.
The one thing more American than baseball is gorging one's self on food and drink, so this is the perfect marriage of sport and excess.
Knowing full well that sports fans are never a demographic to do anything sensibly, I will go ahead and assume the month of April at Fenway will resemble something more like the opulence and overindulgence of Roman emperors.
- "Buy one dog, get one free? By my math, that equals four hot dogs."
- "Five buck beers? Good thing I brought twenties."
- "Why are you drinking a hot chocolate?"
I would also like to sit back and watch the scavenger hunt that will go down during each game as parents scramble to find the rare concession stands honoring the free kid's meals.
Indeed, this is more in keeping with teams that classically hurt for ticket sales. For example, the Tampa Bay Rays just gave tickets away back in 2010.
Still, it's odd to think you would have to go to such measures at the baseball palace that is Fenway. Well, Boston.com's Amalie Benjamin explains:
But with all that went on in 2012 with the Red Sox, it’s clear that the team is ready to admit to fan dissatisfaction and capitulate to fan demand for a friendlier environment around the Olde Towne Team.
It also needs to sell tickets.
“We recognize that the sellout streak is likely going to be coming to an end in early April, and we’re looking for ways to thank our fans for their incredible support and commitment,” Red Sox chief operating officer Sam Kennedy said.
Our bad for all the chicken, beer and underachieving. Please accept our apologies with drunken debauchery and hot dog indulgence.
Granted, I might be exaggerating a tad because $5 brews are not exactly free. That's still a hefty price to pay for 12-ounces of suds.
However, when you consider the exorbitant cost at stadiums around the nation, they might as well be giving the stuff out at that price.
So if you are in the Boston area during April and have about $40 on you, stop by Fenway, and bring the kiddies along.
It's the best way to stuff yourself silly while watching nine innings of top-shelf baseball.
Hit me up on Twitter for more baseball news of import. Follow @gabezal