Michigan Football.
 
Pause for reaction.
 

"Not bad for a Big 11 school"
 
 
Four sides of that coin when you bring up the boys who play in the Big House:
1:  I love the Maize and Blue.
2:  I respect the Maize and Blue, but they’re not my team.
3:  I hate how overrated and over publicized they are perennially.
4:  Historically the best pro team in that state.
 
Regarding Michigan football, that’s how 99 percent of America feels.  
Or as OSU math majors would say:  almost a majority.*
*Easy joke.
 
So far, so bad, for the post-Lloyd Carr era.  One year in and the honeymoon is clearly over for Rich Rod.  3-9 at the winningest program ever will do that to you.
 
So, now what?  
 
Rich Rod has clearly torn down the Wolverines, but can he rebuild it?  Will he be a giant mistake footnote*, or will he be the next in the chapter of successful coaches who carve out their place in Ann Arbor?
*Wisconsin grads, footnotes are

what are found in back of books.**
**Florida State seventh year seniors, books are what you rest your iphone on when you sleep in class.***
***ASU freshman, class is something you’ll learn about third year in.
 

"They should have put an ASU somewhere in this photo."
 
 
Eddie Shore, because he has some free time, decided to research the storied U-M program, and has laid out a few simple tasks for Rich Rod to restore Michigan football to its elite level.  
 
Rich Rod, pay attention.  Because the only blemish on a coaching resume worse than leaving W. Virginia to ruin a great tradition (and get fired), is to have to go "back" to W. Virginia after they fire you.  
 

"Relatively…average"
 
 
Win.

Seems simple and obvious, but it’s true.  

Right now you’re the WVU coach ruining the Michigan program.  If you win, you’ll be the Michigan coach who started at WVU.  Want an easy way to change your image?  Win.

And win by no cramming your shitty option system into a talent pool for a pro offense. You’re supposedly a genius; create a blend, moron.  The best coaches don’t cram a system; they adapt their system to talent. Even Llyod Carr knew this.
 
If you have 14 bad QBs who can’t make decisions, maybe (just a thought) don’t have the entire offense revolve around them making lots of decisions.  Then again, it was pretty cool to see 100+ plays for negative yards last year.*

*That’s sarcasm.**
**Texas Tech grads, you’ll learn sarcasm when you apply for jobs and they see you went to Texas Tech.
 

"Math majors??? (again, sarcasm)"
 
 
Stop Embarrassing the program with stunts.

Greg Paulus for QB?? Are you shitting me, RR? You obviously have no concept of Michigan fans. You think they’re going to applaud their "one-year savior" being the backup Duke point guard?  Just reading that, Michigan alum threw up in their mouth a little.  
 
Why not just have Fox create a reality show called, "Playing With The Used To Be Elite," and have Rick Mirer, Eric Hipple, and one of the Bowden boys be judges, and completely make this a circus?  You’re making a mockery of the school that puts 2-3 QBs a year in the Niffle. Just recruit, don’t stunt.
 

"Big fan of ‘these’ Dukies"

 
Win.

Did I mention you need to be competitive vs. OSU?  And by competitive, I mean win. 

"Dear Rich Rod. Keep doing what you’re doing, and don’t listen to anyone about the rivalry—signed Earl Bruce."  Wake up, RR!  The Sweater Vest is kicking Michigan’s ass.  In the history of mankind, when has a gym teacher ever had athletic supremacy?
 

"Today gentleman, were going to start on the pegboard."
 
 
Beat Toledo

If you threw a dart into the big house and picked a freshman 15 minutes before game time and let them coach, "THAT" kid could have beat Toledo.  

Memo to Rich Rod. You’re fourth string D-lineman wouldn’t go to Toledo because they suck.  Yet you lost to them???  You know when coaches say you gotta beat the teams you’re supposed to beat? EVERYONE uses Toledo as that example.
 

"UofT grad students"

 
Win.

Purdon’t?  Penn State?  MSU?  You’re allowed to lose one of those a year...maybe.  Nice efficiency knocking them all out in year one. So now Michigan fan will expect three years before you’re allowed to lose to any of them again.  At least you made it easy on yourself.
 

"She looks smart"
 

Lose the words Rebuild/Restore.

RR can say he needs talent.  RR can say the program was leaking oil.  RR can say the facilities were decrepit.  And some of that all has merit.  You know what else has merit? The fact that Michigan has won a billion games.  The fact that Florida won the ’06 and ’08 National Championship.  Guess who housed them in a bowl game inbetween those titles? Michigan.  
 
Spare us the cupboard is bare RR.  It’s not like you’re going to Florida International University, and your name is Isiah. Some schools rebuild. Michigan reloads. You should still beat Illinois.
 

"UofI pre-law major, pretty sure"
 
 
Win.

Win your bowl game. Oh wait, you don’t know what it’s like to play in a bowl at Michigan. Thanks for ruining the bowl streak.  There are 70 bowls, and you can’t even make one of them? I’m sure that makes recruiting easy.  Wake up, RR.
 
 
Rich Rod, follow this plan and you won’t be the Gerry Faust* of Michigan Football, but maybe the next Bo.  Ignore it, and let Eddie Shore be the first to say this sentence, "Your 2011 Michigan Head Football Coach—Les Miles."

*Notre Dame grads, feel free to replace this with Charlie Weis.
 
Wait, wait, wait, I almost forgot…
 

"Happy Friday"

For more Eddie Shore, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (real guys holding sports accountable in their own way).