The House that Hank Smokes In

Matthew FalkenburyCorrespondent IApril 17, 2009

Well, it was quite a day yesterday, as the new Yankee Stadium opened up for business for the first time during the regular season.

The fans jammed the stands, the legends of Yankee past came out onto the field, and Hank went from his customary cig at first pitch to a carton, when Veras and Marte entered the game. Damon got the first hit, Posada the first home run and Veras and Marte got the first Bronx cheers.

The Indians won the game 10-2 on a nine-run seventh inning to blow the game wide open and ruin what was really a perfect afternoon to open up a building that has a friggin' butcher cutting steaks for you to bring home.

The real story, though, was the stadium. It looks like an amazing place to watch a game and all the wonderful things that are in there.

A sports bar in center field, an art gallery, the great hall with pictures of all the Yankee legends (of course, they are missing one for Hank), and even a Yankees museum, where a young fan can see a ball signed by Suzyn Waldman.

I could just imagine the memories that will bring up….(Picture the Saved by the Bell's pink wavylines along the side of the screen with the customary music that goes with it as we take this look into the future):

Son: Hey, Dad?

Dad: Yeah son?

Son: Who was Suzyn Waldman?,

Dad: Well son, back in the year 2006, this legendary figure came into our hearts and minds when the day that Roger Clemens…

Son: The steroids guy?

Dad: That’s right son, the steroids guy. Any how, when Suzyn proclaimed with her mighty nasally voice, “OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, ROGER CLEMENS IS IN GEORGE STEINBRENNER'S BOX!!!” from that day forward, she was the greatest Yankee broadcaster that ever lived.

Son: Wow Dad, I hope one day I can grow up to be just like her.

Dad: Well son, I do too, I do too.

(Tear rolls down Dad's face as the wavy lines and dream sequence music ends).

Side Note: Man, I just hope that Jose Canseco’s and Roger Clemens' signed baseballs are right next to each other.

But in the end, the game ended in a loss for Hank’s Yanks. The stadium debut beyond the field was a success, and we’ll all be watching when many other great moments take place at Yankee Stadium over the next 100 years, like Hank on a nicotine high, when he leaves his pack of Marlboro Red 100’s at home.

- The Falk