Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar. Worst. Stipulation. Ever.

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Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar. Worst. Stipulation. Ever.
photo via wwe.com

The Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar feud has still yet to answer one very important question: What’s the point in retiring the man that wrestles twice a year?

With mere weeks before WrestleMania 29, WWE announced that Triple H's in-ring career would be on the line to help spice up this leftover feud.

No! Nooooooooo! Not Triple H! He’s my favorite COO who happens to wrestle once every six months or so. Will Vickie Guererro, Vince McMahon or Booker T put their in-ring careers on the line next?

When is the last time we've seen such an unnecessary stipulation added to a WrestleMania match?

On Monday's Raw, it was the first time for Hunter to speak publicly about his possible retirement. Too bad that he didn't seem very concerned about it.

Sure, Heyman and Lesnar pulled a fast one on him, but lucky for Hunter he has a pretty solid fallback plan. He also still had the time to kick one of the best young heels in the company in the balls (wait, isn't Hunter supposed to be a face?) for no apparent reason. 

What makes all of this worse is that after SummerSlam, Triple H already teased us with a retirement. He gave a lengthy speech where he questioned aloud if we’d ever see him again. He took up 15 minutes of TV time, and in the end, he didn’t have an answer.

He just went away. His actions, in essence, spoke louder than words.

Eight months later, Hunter returned, only to now tease us again with retirement. This time it's for real... I guess.

Brett Favre may have pulled the same shtick a few times, but he at least played an entire season every year before shining the spotlight at himself, begging us to beg him not to go.

Triple H is again begging us for his attention while not putting in the TV time necessary to create such emotion.

Please don’t go Hunter! How can the WWE Universe survive without you showing up once every 180 days (give or take) to conveniently fight the most popular man on the roster?

But what else could Hunter have done to keep himself relevant at Mania?

Cena and Rock were already busy, and a round four with Undertaker would have been overkill. He decided to take on one of the biggest sports stars on the planet in a rematch that wasn’t so good the first time.

The very least he could have done is use some of his star power to give back.

Remember all the stars that Hunter helped create over these past couple years… um… The Undertaker, CM Punk and Brock Lesnar.

Where would their careers have been without him?

Forget the Ziggler's, the Swagger's and The Barrett's. Forget their future potential drawing power in the company Hunter will someday own. There are more pressing matters right now. There are bigger dragons to slay, more TV time to hog up, and fantasies of being able to beat up a UFC champion to live out.

Since April 25, 2010 Hunter has wrestled seven televised matches (which is actually less than Vickie Guerrero has wrestled). In that time, he put over Miz and R-Truth at Vengeance 2011, albeit it took interference from Kevin Nash to give Awesome Truth the win. That's all he's done on TV for the company's future.

Cena vs. Vickie in a WrestleMania 30 retirement match? (photo via wwe.com)

Hunter is merely trying to reenact the much loved retirement stories of the past couple years. There are some problems though.

His buddies Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair were actually full time acts when they called it a career. Therefore it meant something when they went away.

It’s like a desperate cry for attention, a “me too!” scenario. And what better way to show how tough Hunter is than by winning a retirement match when his friends couldn't?

Win or lose, Hunter will probably disappear until SummerSlam or until whenever someone else on the roster gets popular out of nowhere.

For now though, Hunter will save us all from this terrible Lesnar threat in a way that a 43-year-old corporate man can.

But more importantly, who will save us from Hunter?

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