Hair Styles Andrew Bynum Should Try Next

Jesse DorseyFeatured ColumnistMarch 20, 2013

Hair Styles Andrew Bynum Should Try Next

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    Andrew Bynum's season ended before it ever started, but he spent the whole season entertaining us with what spouted out of his head. He'll have plenty of time to try out some new hairstyles with both of his knees needing surgery.

    Bynum was seemingly bored with sitting on the sidelines all year long, so he kept us on our toes, constantly changing his hairstyle.

    Things got so weird that Trey Kerby of The Basketball Jones put together a seasonlong 10-part series as part of an investigation into whether or not Bynum has been perpetually in costume this season.

    It's kept him in the news, given us something to laugh about and continued the long tradition of terrific hair in the Philadelphia 76ers history. From Dr. J to Allen Iverson, and all the way up to Spencer Hawes, Philly has had its share of funky hairdos.

    So, to fill his time while in traction, it only makes sense for Bynum to continue on with his antics and throw a new 'do or two on his dome. I've gone ahead and helped him out, putting together a few prospective styles.

Drew Bynum

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    He doesn't have to change his name too much to adopt the new identity, but he will have to change his personality if Bynum wants to pay homage to one of the weirdest dudes to grace the NBA over the course of the past decade.

    Bynum actually doesn't look quite as ridiculous as Drew Gooden, but growing a squid on his chin is always going to make a dude look silly.

    Of course, if he's going to throw the squid chin at us, then he's going to have to shave the afro off and rock the Gooden ducktail.

Andrew Skywalker

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    The flattop is well on its way back in the NBA, giving us all warm, fuzzy reminders of the early 1990s whenever Norris Cole or Iman Shumpert steps on the floor.

    I would say Bynum should go ahead and grow out one similar to Cole's—moderate height, jarringly flat, with the cut into the middle.

    However, if Bynum really wants to say something with a new hairstyle, Kenny Walker's flattop is the only way to go.

    It's high, tight and crisp with the aerodynamic lines running along the side of the head, and perhaps the greatest hairdo in the history of the NBA.

    Kobe Bryant doesn't look too bad with it either.

Andrew Faried

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    At some point Bynum's hair is going to get so long that cornrows just don't make sense anymore. That's the time when dreadlocks become the only answer.

    Look how well they fit his face, his attitude and his style all at once—it seems a natural progression.

    The only thing that bothers me about this is the look that 76ers owner Joshua Harris has with dreadlocks. He looks like a slightly more abnormal, whiter Lil' Wayne.

    Jason Richardson looks a bit off-kilter, but the dreadlocks seem to fit Bynum well.

Andrew Flanders

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    OK, now we're starting to get a little bit weird. There's no turning back at this point—what you see in the next handful of slides may just scare you for the next few months.

    However, if Bynum were to somehow grow a Ned Flanders-style push-broom on his upper lip, he could very well become the strangest guy in the NBA.

    The mere thought of anyone with a solitary mustache in the NBA, something that hasn't existed since Adam Morrison ruined it for everybody, makes me happy.

    There hasn't been a solid NBA mustache since Kurt Rambis' 'stache was kicking Larry Bird's 'stache's butt on a daily basis, so we need somebody to give it another go.

Larry Bynum

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    First of all, I'm incredibly sorry for creating this. It all started out in good fun, and by the end it was an abomination. It's a monster.

    Try as I might to destroy it, Andrew Bynum with Larry Bird's mullet just won't be deleted from my hard drive. So, in order to alleviate my own fears, I've decided it's best to go ahead and share the horror with all of you.

    Bynum wouldn't be the first member of the 76ers with a mullet, but he would be the first member of the 76ers to give children nightmares with his mullet.

    It seems as if this would take some sort of radical hair transplant to ever work out, but medical technology has advanced far enough at this point to give Bynum a shot at it.

    However, if there's one thing I've learned from The Simpsons, it's that hair transplants can turn you into a monstrous killer. 

    Please Bynum, never do this.

Andrew Birdman

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    Oddly enough, this is my favorite of the bunch. Somehow it fits, even though it may look more ridiculous than any of the others.

    Ripping Chris Andersen's mohawk off his noggin and pasting it to Bynum's somehow produced terrific results.

    While he's not going to be growing the same style of hair, I still think a mohawk is the way to go for Bynum—only he needs to go all-out.

    I don't want to see some cheesy looking James Harden fauxhawk; I want Bynum rocking something that looks like an homage to some long-forgotten pagan god. It needs to be a 'do that sticks straight up out of his head, perhaps in individual spikes, that sends children into a frenzy to get it done at their local barbershop.

Joakim Bynum

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    Finally, the piéce de résistance: Joakim Bynum.

    It's horrifying, completely disgusting and everything Andrew Bynum should want to put together if he really wants to turn some heads.

    On Joakim Noah it looks normal at this point, as strange as that sounds. This librarian bun from hell embodies everything that people hate about the guy, and everything that makes him such a unique basketball player.

    Throwing it on Bynum's head gives it a whole new attitude.

    Rather than the sloppy, frisky hairstyle that it seems to be on Noah's head, it looks like more of a warrior's helmet. I could see him taking a mace to the back of the head and continuing on with that hair up there.

    It'll be a long summer for Bynum; he might as well keep himself entertained.