Stupid Autocorrect, NFL Free Agency Edition

Chris RolingFeatured ColumnistMarch 20, 2013

Jan 12, 2013; Denver, CO, USA; Denver Broncos defensive end Elvis Dumervil (92) against the Baltimore Ravens during the AFC divisional round playoff game at Sports Authority Field.  Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

NFL free agency is in full swing and every franchise is currently working on deals behind the scenes to land prized free agents and improve as a result. 

These behind-the-scenes negotiations and various forms of communications are usually never revealed to the public (that is, unless you're a behind-the-times owner of a team who is easily duped), but what if they were? 

What if we were able to pull back the curtain on these private conversations? We'd surely find some entertaining things, especially with the way technology today has a way of making errors and confusing all involved (or in some cases, costing a player $8 million). 

Below are a few fictional text messages that would cause more issues than a faulty Denver fax machine. 


Elvis Dumervil's Agent Finds Him a New Home

As hinted at in the intro, an (alleged) technological error caused defensive end Elvis Dumervil to hit the free-agent market. 

Dumervil is one of the NFL's best defensive players thanks to his ability to rush the passes. He has a variety of suitors, including the Baltimore Ravens. A betting man would think Dumervil would love to play in Baltimore. 

But what if his new agent shipped him somewhere else after teasing about reaching a deal with the Ravens? 


Brotherly Love in the Harbaugh Family 

The Harbaugh brothers faced off in the Super Bowl when Jim's San Francisco 49ers were defeated by John's Baltimore Ravens. 

John got the ring, but Jim appears to be having the last laugh right now, as there has been a mass exodus from Baltimore as cap issues plague the franchise. Joe Flacco's ridiculous contract certainly isn't helping things. 

Regardless of how they paint it publicly, Jim also managed to steal John's best receiver in Anquan Boldin in exchange for just a sixth-round pick (per USA Today). Even technology can't stop these two from having childish arguments. 


JaMarcus Russell Finally Finds Some Love on the Market 

The biggest bust of all time, literally and figuratively, is still attempting to make his NFL comeback. So far, JaMarcus Russell isn't exactly finding a friendly market for his comeback attempt. 

Until now. 

One of the reasons Russell dropped out of the league was his weight issues. If you didn't know any better, at times you could have mistaken him for an offensive lineman. Not to mention he was just a bad quarterback. 

Russell is making a serious attempt at his comeback, but the damage he has done may simply be too much to overcome. Thankfully, other companies will always be interested in his services. 


What Brett Favre Told Greg Jennings About the Vikings 

Former Green Bay Packers wide receiver joined a growing list of high-profile names in the team's history to betray fans and the franchise itself by jumping ship and joining the rival Minnesota Vikings. 

According to Yahoo, Jennings reached out to the most infamous of all former Packers for advice. 

What exactly did Favre tell Jennings about the Vikings? Well, there's probably a lot of things we'll never truly know about the conversation, but we can take our best stab at it anyway. Either way, Jennings is now a resident of Minnesota. 


Darrelle Revis Gets Traded 

The drama swirling around the little brother in New York outside of the lack of quarterbacks on the roster and a loud-mouthed head coach has been the situation with cornerback Darrelle Revis. 

Revis is supposedly on the trade block (per ESPN), and the sooner a deal gets done the better, because we simply just can't wait to get back to the non-news about a man named Tebow every day. 

It's no secret that Revis is one of the best defenders in the NFL, but his recent injury history is what is preventing him from finding a new home. Sooner or later he'll end up with a different team, but it may end up being one that will make him hate his agent for quite some time. 


Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. 

Speaking of New York Jets special-teamer, er, quarterback Tim Tebow, the man simply cannot stay out of the news—even when absolutely nothing is happening with his NFL career. 

That being said, one of the reasons he remains a very important figure in the culture of the U.S. in general is because of his outspoken and highly visible faith. 

It's getting to the point where phones everywhere will catch Tebowmania as well. Just you wait. 


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