"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain.
The head coaches on this list need some help.
They lead some of the most lucrative football programs, and yet can't seem to muster enough energy to dress themselves in a manner that might be appropriate even for a Friday-night fish fry.
From Bronco Mendenhall at BYU, to Ken Niumatalolo at Navy and Brady Hoke at Michigan, the coaches on this list have earned the right to be here by virtue of a "People of Wal-mart"-influenced wardrobe.
You would think that these men, leading major college football programs and finding themselves on national television on a regular basis would make a little more effort, but to each his own.
Nick Saban is the best college football coach in the game right now, and quite possibly, one of the greatest of all time.
Four BCS championships say so.
However, he sometimes seems to struggle to dress himself in a manner that seems appropriate to the times.
On the field, no problem. The standard coaching attire is worn, polo and khakis, and worn well. He's groomed and presents a great figure while leading the team.
However, after the game is over, Saban goes all retro, and not in a good way.
At practice, there is the floppy straw hat and sleeveless windbreaker.
Then there is his trophy wear, or press-conference accouterments.
A sweater, with a patch of a different color on the arm, and a collared shirt underneath?
Or a half-unzipped sweatshirt?
He makes excellent on-the-field decisions, but some of these are questionable.
Do you have a problem with my sweatshirt? I hope not, because your outfit looks like a drunk zebra on the weekend! By the way, that was the worst call in the history of football."
Ah, Bo Pelini, one of the most excitable, polarizing figures in Big Ten football!
We tend to over-exaggerate his tirades, until he has earned his status as one of the most hot-tempered coaches in the game.
And here he is again, on another list that could be perceived as negative.
It's not that the sweatshirt is bad, although it could be varied some, nor is it the khakis, which are actually rather nice.
The combination of the two look like something an awkward 10th-grader might wear on a date, if he lived in Lincoln.
This about sums it up:
Fashion note: No one wears that white windbreaker better than Gene Chizik. Sorry Dabo.— Lisa Horne (@LisaHorne) January 5, 2012
Chizik, during his time at Auburn, was inseparable from this white windbreaker.
In and of itself, it is not terrible, but why not change to a polo during warmer weather instead of trying to roll up sleeves too large to be rolled up?
And what is with the whole zipper-up-to-the-chin look?
He's not currently a head coach, but given the egregious nature of his violation, he deserves this recognition.
Weis, the current Kansas Jayhawks head coach, needs some help.
Those pants hearken back to the days of Steve Urkel, forever roaming around with pants pulled impossibly high.
But he has committed even worse fashion faux pas while on the sideline.
When cold, Weis reverts to Bill Belichick's wardrobe, throwing on a hooded sweatshirt, and if that's not enough, covering it with a large parka.
In Kansas, he is not going to run into as much bitterly cold weather as he did at Notre Dame or some of his past positions, so we won't see this one as often, but it is still a staple of Weis' wardrobe when cold.
In his new post in the warm Southwest, Rich Rodriguez is not likely to fall back into this old pattern, but as he is a current coach, and as he has a history of this behavior, he makes the list.
Belts on men are generally worn directly around the pants.
Not around the waist over a hooded sweatshirt, parka or long-sleeved T-shirt.
The reasoning behind this move seems suspect at best, and let's hope Rodriguez has grown out of it.
Let's get real, here.
Some love these, others hate them, and while Dooley has moved on from Tennessee to the NFL, his participation last season in the college ranks means he made the list.
Those pants are atrocious.
They inspired comparisons to Maryland's uniforms:
Maryland's uniforms or Derek Dooley's orange pants? After Florida's non-sellout, should SEC worry? And more SEC links. bit.ly/pQdNOH— John Clay (@johnclayiv) September 6, 2011
It takes an incredible level of ugliness to be near the level of those uniforms, and yet the main part of Dooley's wardrobe managed to do so.
The lei is a part of coach Niumatalolo's heritage and tradition, so we will let it slide, but it still seems more appropriate for some bowl game at an exotic location than a regular-season game against Air Force or Army.
However, that's not any reason to land on this list, so the Navy coach landed here for another reason.
That coat, not sure if it's a head coach, or the Michelin Man.
There has got to be a better option for cold-weather attire on the Navy sideline.
BYU head coach Bronco Mendenhall has improved his wardrobe somewhat in recent seasons.
He used to persist in always wearing a T-shirt that looked as if it had seen better days.
In his defense, it was for a good purpose, helping to unite the team, but it still looked less than excellent.
Recently he has been caught on camera wearing a polo, which seems to be a step up, but when it gets cold, he reverts back to form.
Wearing a long-sleeved shirt under the polo instead of a jacket or even a team long-sleeved shirt over the top seems a bit of a faux pas.
Sunglasses are great, when it is sunny.
Hoke persists in wearing them all season long, in a place where few others find that necessary.
Now couple that with the choice to stick with short sleeves no matter the temperature, and you have a man who inspires confidence in his wardrobe decisions.
On Brady Hoke's wardrobe chart, all weather conditions lead to the same place: short sleeves.— Jon Morosi (@jonmorosi) November 24, 2012
Apparently, ill-fitting shirts are all the rage on the sideline of SMU games with June Jones at the helm.
While his choice in apparel is somewhat suspect, and leaves one to wonder what other options the university may have provided that were bad enough to force Junes in this direction.
But it isn't just this shirt.
Jones has a history of wearing a lei during games at SMU, even though it is located in Dallas, with no direct access to any ocean.
Yes, he came to the 'Stangs from Hawai'i, but persisting in wearing the lei is a bit of an "iffy" fashion choice.