Queens Park Rangers have seen better days when it comes to their strikers.
Kevin Gallen was magic, there was only one Paul Furlong and Les Ferdinand should have been given a knighthood. But times are much darker in the penalty box for the less-than-super hoops these days.
The Rangers' top scorer has four league goals this season.
QPR have scored just 21 goals as a team. The same number of goals that Luis Suarez has by himself.
So in honor of QPR being as good as Suarez, here is a list of the worst strikers at Queens Park Rangers in the last 20 years, so that fans can feel a little better about their current goal-scoring predicament.
This list will not include loans (Samuel Di Carmine has lucked out) or those signed to the youth team (take a deep sigh of relief, Dennis Oli). Wingers will not count, nor will those playing in an attacking midfield/inside forward role. Or as we call it nowadays, "The Taarabt."
All statistics are across all competitions, unless otherwise stated. And if I have missed any players or included any you feel shouldn't have been, just let me know below.
With the housekeeping out the way, let's name and shame all those who fluffed, scuffed and blew the ball over the net.
All statistics taken from Soccerbase.com.
Before we start, I would like to mention a few people.
These men didn't quite make the cut but still deserve to be in and around this list—whether they couldn't find the net, couldn't recapture that form they had shown prior to signing or simply just couldn't play anymore.
I know—it's not fair adding old AJ to this list. But he deserves a mention simply because he cannot stay injury free. Let's hope he won't break a bone or catch a cold next season.
Dubbed "King of Assists" by former clubs, Rowan Vine was the "King of Misses" at QPR. In a four-year spell hampered by injury, Vine's talent petered out along with his goals. Just five in 50 odd appearances. Not including his loan spell, of course.
Despite having a decent career, Dowie was rubbish toward the ends of his playing days. So much so that when he signed for QPR, they ended up playing him in defense. That's probably why he only scored two goals.
Moore's career went from Villa to killer when he moved to QPR. He was once talked about in the same breath as Wayne Rooney but not for very long. Three goals in 42 isn't exactly Wazza quality.
He couldn't understand the offside rule and only played eight games in his eight months at the club. But Rangers fans will always have a soft spot for the pacey Dominic Awful, sorry, Iorfa. At least he tried.
I think most people know why he very nearly made it into the top 10. But due to being part of the Championship winning side, I'm leaving him out (just) as a thank you.
Years at QPR: 2008-2012
Games Played: 85
Goals Scored: 16
Worst Attribute: Being lumbering. Fine for lumberjacks but not for strikers.
Memorable Moment: Being nicknamed Dave for no discernible reason. Oh, and scoring in his first six games for the club, which gave Rs fans false hope.
Patrick Agyemang is mainly on this list thanks to somehow managing to worm his way into a Premier League team. And Premier League quality, he is not. He started off sublimely, scoring eight goals in his first six matches. But he petered out in huge style, with just eight in the next 69 games.
Personally, I am rather fond of him. But 16 goals in 75 isn't exactly the best return. Then again, it is by no means the worst. As you shall soon see.
Years at QPR: 2005-2008
Games Played: 72
Goals Scored: 14
Worst Attribute: Looking like Bambi on ice whenever the football came toward him.
Memorable Moment: This.
The Danes are good at football, with two exceptions: Nicklas Bendtner and Marc Nygaard. Fortunately, QPR fans have only had to witness the latter at their club, but it wasn't pretty nevertheless. Although he scored nine goals in his first season, the ensuing two years were incredibly barren.
One of his roles was to hold the ball up for Dexter Blackstock as they tried to form a partnership. The only issue was that he could barely hold himself up. Tall, gangly, and clumsy. Not exactly the graceful forward everybody aspires to be.
Years at QPR: 1995-1996
Games Played: 11
Goals Scored: 1
Worst Attribute: Forgetting to take the ball with him whenever he sped away.
Memorable Moment: Probably that one goal.
If you think QPR's 21 goals in the league this season is bad, Goodridge scored just 21 in the league during his entire career. He only appearing as a substitute when at QPR, with all 11 appearances coming off the bench.
He was renowned for not really knowing where the ball was, so managing to find the net against Sheffield Wednesday was impressive. Especially as he only came on six minutes before.
But in fairness, for having one of the lowest totals for minutes on the pitch of all the candidates, the fact he scored at all was even more of a feat.
Years at QPR: 2010-2011
Games Played: 14
Goals Scored: 0
Worst Attribute: Finding just one club to stay at for more than a year.
Memorable Moment: The goal he scored for Preston after leaving QPR.
He has played for 14 different clubs, some of them on more than one occasion, and obviously has a problem settling and scoring. Therefore, Queens Park Rangers should have known better than to sign Leon Clarke, as he had already played a game for them while on loan in 2006.
But warnings were not heeded, and he headed to Loftus Road for one whole season (that's a long time in Leon-land), where he scored no goals. Standard practice really, seeing as he only reached double figures at three clubs.
Years at QPR: 2005-2006
Games Played: 11
Goals Scored: 0
Worst Attribute: Not being able to play football below the M6.
Memorable Moment: Playing away at Derby. The only game where he looked comfortable.
The 2005/06 season was a bad one for Rangers' striking prowess, with the exception of Gallen and Furlong. Rangers had Stefan Moore, Marc Nygaard, Leon Clarke and Dean Sturridge all on the squad.
Sturridge's inability to play anywhere other than in the middle of England was blatant to see, but then again, he was a bit on the mature side by the time he signed for QPR. I'm not sure what Kidderminster Harriers saw that convinced them to take him off QPR's hands.
Years at QPR: 2003-2004
Games Played: 16
Goals Scored: 1
Worst Attribute: His goal per game ratio.
Memorable Moment: Scoring the last-minute winner against powerhouses of football, Grimsby Town.
Eric Sabin is an international footballer who has won the French National League twice and scored for five different English-based teams. Pretty good signing, right?
Firstly, he played for Martinique. Which is an island and has a football team. Just not a very good one, so the term "international" is used loosely here. The French National League is actually the third division, and he only scored once for QPR—one of the five English teams he played for.
Still, Nimes Olympique seem to like him. They've signed him three times.
Years at QPR: 2007-2008
Games Played: 8
Goals Scored: 0
Worst Attribute: Pretending to be a Man United prodigy.
Memorable Moment: Being one of two players offered in a swap deal (plus cash) for Kaspars Gorkss.
Another "international." But this time it is for Wales, so I am a little more justified using that term, but even Francis Jeffers got one game for his home country. And he wasn't very good either.
The reason Danny Nardiello is so far down on this list is because he was supposed to be good when he was younger. Playing alongside potential starts like Phil Bardsley, Chris Eagles, and erm, Luke Chadwick, Nardiello was supposed to be the next big thing out of the United youth system.
But he wasn't. He was rubbish and couldn't hit a barn door. However, he does seem to be able to score for Barnsley, strangely.
Years at QPR: 1995-1997
Games Played: 40
Goals Scored: 6
Worst Attribute: His attitude.
Memorable Moment: Never scoring a winning goal when at QPR.
"But he scored six," I hear you cry. "Why is he so low on this list?"
Well, because his attitude stunk. Think of Joey Barton's un-likability, mixed with Djibril Cisse's laziness and Rob Hulse's goal-scoring record, and you have Mark Hateley in 1995.
He was was very good for the Rangers in Scotland but rubbish for the Rangers in London. He looked like he didn't want to be there, and to be honest, the fans didn't want him either. And the £1.5 million transfer fee didn't help matters.
Years at QPR: 2002-2003
Games Played: 13
Goals Scored: 0
Worst Attribute: He played like he was much older than 34.
Memorable Moment: None.
Brett Angell wasn't the worst striker throughout his career, but every time he tried to step up a level, Angell would fall back down to earth with a catastrophic bump. Everton and Sunderland fans know what I'm talking about.
He ended up working at Tesco after leaving QPR. Let's just hope he was better at scanning than shooting.
Years at QPR: 2009-2011
Games Played: 10
Goals Scored: 1
Worst Attribute: Football.
Memorable Moment: Getting banned for match fixing.
You can dismiss that goal right away. It was in a 5-0 thrashing at Exeter City in the League Cup and so doesn't count. No offense to Exeter City or the League Cup, of course. But in each of his nine other games, he was worse than rubbish.
Flavio Briatore was trying to turn QPR into an all-Italian side, and all that seemed to matter was the nationality not whether a man could play football or not. Pellicori was the worst of the lot and was swiftly sent back to Italy—first on loan and eventually permanently in 2011.
As it turns out, even the police thought his performances were criminal, arresting him for match fixing in 2012 and banning him for three years.
Let's hope he changes careers by 2015.