Most Awkward Moments from Jacob Volkmann's Time with the UFC
If you know anything about the segmented voting tendencies of the allied health professions—which I'm sure you do, if you're reading this—you know that chiropractors walk in lockstep on the issues of the day.*
With that reminder in hand, maybe the loud and sudden racket you heard on Feb. 19 now makes a bit more sense. It was the commotion caused by the Chiropractic Right when it collectively slammed its neurocalometers to the ground in disgust after the UFC released their boy, their spiritual leader, lightweight Jacob Volkmann.
It's unlike those great professionals to get so bent out of shape, but can you blame them? Volkmann was the only one willing to speak Truth—the Chiropractic Truth—to Power. And they ishcanned him for it. Hypocrisy!
Fear not, though, soldiers. Volkmann recently signed with the World Series of Fighting promotion, and according to his Twitter account, he has been offered a fight with fellow UFC vet Lyle Beerbohm.
I was just offered Lyle Beerbohm on june 14th.I hope he takes it. @mmaworldseries— Jacob Volkmann (@JacobVolkmann) March 6, 2013
It just goes to show that you can take away Jacob's microphone, UFC. What you can never do is, you can never silence his message. You can't just manipulate the problem away. It doesn't work like that!
As proof, so that we may remember, here are the greatest shining examples of Jacob Volkmann's leadership. Call them awkward if you must, if your fear requires that sort of spin doctoring (or spin chiropracting, if you're using the actual terms). I, myself, call them majestic. His most majestic moments. Let the eagle soar.
*I'm making this all up for humorous effect.
Calling His Shot, and Whiffing
Before his fight at UFC 156 with Strikeforce transplant and relative unknown Bobby Green, Volkmann teased his post-fight speech in a pre-fight interview.
Fast forward to the 4:30 mark if you're interested.
Otherwise, take advantage of my transcripting services:
Volkmann: I'm just going into [the fight] just to get the after-fight interview.
Helwani: What do you mean? You're going to save it for the post-fight interview?
Volkmann: Well, I'm gonna say what I wanna, yeah.
Helwani: What do you want to say?
Volkmann: I got some stuff on my mind that's been bothering me for a while.
The world never learned what was on his mind that week, as Volkmann lost by third-round chokeout. And it was this defeat that secured his UFC release.
Here's to better days.
Entire Interview with Ariel Helwani Before UFC 156
How could I limit the mention of this to just the one speech-related snippet? Listen to this brilliance. Listen to it!
The beginning of this interview with The MMA Hour is particularly outstanding. Helwani, who is the Pablo Picasso of antagonizing MMA types without them necessarily realizing it, is at his absolute artistic pinnacle in this exchange.
Original Calling out of Obama
The blast that started it all.
Angry with President Obama over what he perceived to be anti-chiropractor components of the health care reform law, Volkmann said after his win at UFC 125 that "someone should knock some sense into that idiot"—meaning the president.
The masterstroke was good enough to earn Volkmann a visit from the Secret Service and a suspension from his regular coaching job.
Unquestionably the Michael Jordan of awkward Jacob Volkmann interview moments.
After defeating Efrain Escudero at UFC 141, Volkmann—now with a rock-solid reputation for this sort of thing—engages in a little more Obama-baiting with Joe Rogan.
Only this time, he employed a secret rhetorical weapon. Humorousness.
Volkmann: “Obama needs a glassectomy. Ask me what a glassectomy is, Joe.”
Rogan: "What's a glassectomy?"
Volkmann: “It’s where they remove the belly button and put a piece of glass in there so you can see what you’re doing while your head’s up your ass."
Rogan raised an eyebrow while the crowd either sat by in appreciative silence or called to Volkmann that they wanted "Moooooo-ore." That's my recollection, anyway. And I always hear these things correctly. I got a glassectomy in both ears.