"Is it him? Is it him?" Michael Cole yelled excitedly as Triple H's music blared in Raw's opening segment. What a stupid question, but deep down I really hoped it wasn't. Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H was a match I had no desire to see the first time around, and the quality of that match justified my feeling. Lesnar bled heavily in this segment, though, so it wasn't completely devoid of interest.
Cole then requested that fans send in Touts, short 15-second video status updates, about what had just transpired. I was tempted I admit, though I continue to exist un-lobotomized, so it's not as if mine would be shown anyway. Neither would the touts of all those who'd spotted that Triple H had apparently wet himself, though I hadn't noticed, instead learning later from the Internet. To think that in the days before the web, something like that might have been missed.
I'm not a Cole hater, but his third occasion of irritation came during the first match of Ryback vs. Dolph Ziggler, when he exclaimed as though Ryback was about to make a huge move when he was in fact receiving a DDT. Mistakes like that happen, but his attempt to salvage it was even worse.
I think he's been making this kind of mistake more frequently of late, though it could just be I'm noticing them more.
We don't see Ryback in singles action very often now, and as the man who took the pin in his Elimination Chamber match, he's been in danger of looking weak. This match dispelled that worry, at least for the time being. His drumming up of a "feed me more" chant looked really quite sad and agitated, though. I hope the brief "Goldberg" chants didn't get to him.
Zeb "controversial" Colter did all the talking for Jack Swagger's side against Alberto Del Rio on Miz TV. He made the point that illegal immigrants are illegally taking up jobs and are a bad thing. I mean, whoa! What will he come out with next?
Sheamus, possibly the most deadly combination of "un-funniness'' and ''un-likeability'' that the WWE has ever offered (well, OK, excluding The Rock), said absolutely nothing worth hearing as he mocked a still image of Wade Barrett. Wade bouncing along grinning to confront him saved the proceedings somewhat.
It's been a while since we've seen R-Truth's finisher, but we were treated to it as he defeated Cody Rhodes. It's really terrible—it looks like he might be the one getting hurt, and it's jarring when we see his opponent laid out and him getting the pin. I suppose it's a bit late for him to change it now, though.
Team Hell No defeated The Prime Time Players despite silly handicaps. The first time we see the PTP for quite a while, and they lose what should be a cakewalk for a serious team. It looks like the days of serious tag team competition are over.
Fan Touts were all the rage once with the WWE, but I think they realized how absolutely awful they are. This week, though, they unrealized it and unleashed again the rank cretinism of a particular wing of what they insist on calling the WWE Universe.
Much of the show passed me by, not bad enough to criticize but not good enough to praise. The main event, though, that was something else.
There was no doubt that John Cena will be facing The Rock at WrestleMania. The only question hanging over this match was whether it would be a straight win, or else some other ending circumstance to drag things out for a while longer.
The real shame is that this isn't the main event at WrestleMania, because no match featuring The Rock could ever compare to how well Cena and CM Punk work together. No doubt there are those who'll disagree, and they'll likely be the same people who can watch a match like this and still claim that Cena can't wrestle.
Cena's Powerbomb was beautifully executed, and his Hurricanrana was much better than the last time he attempted it. So far as I know, the Piledriver is still a banned move, so that was a pleasure to see.
The real pleasure, though, is the WWE giving away this match on TV. We probably won't see Punk vs. Cena again for a long time, so what better place for their final encounter.
Raw was irrelevant apart from the final match. I don't care about Triple H, I don't care about Brock Lesnar and I certainly don't care about fan Touts. I do care about fantastic wrestling, though, and that's what we got in the final match.
Curiously, The Undertaker was only mentioned briefly and did not appear. As to whom he'll face, CM Punk seems the obvious choice, though having to follow his losses with another job to The Undertaker might seem too much. The way things are shaping up, though, everyone else of sufficient standing is busy, or else has jobbed at him at Mania before.
I suppose it's not too late for Taker to defeat The Shield single-handedly.