The Doctor's WWE Main Event/SmackDown Recap: Things We Learned, Loved and Hated

The Doctor Chris MuellerFeatured ColumnistMarch 3, 2013

Picture by Natasha Farley (Images property of WWE, BBC and Bleacher Report)
Picture by Natasha Farley (Images property of WWE, BBC and Bleacher Report)

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my weekly Main Event and SmackDown recap list. I always appreciate my loyal readers, but for those of you who are new, each week I recap SmackDown with a long list.
The entries are made up of equal parts observations, humor, recap, play-by-play, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and anything else I notice during the show. I sometimes comment on commercials, too, just because I get bored during them.
I try to interject some fun into these lists, so I hope you have fun reading this week's list of the things we learned, loved and hated from the shows.


Main Event

1. The show opens with Kaitlyn walking backstage and running into Cody Rhodes.
2. They flirt a little but until Sheamus walks up and pours water on the fire.
3. Cody challenges Sheamus to a match after some mustache jokes.
4. Sheamus agrees to the match and walks away. Cody tells Kaitlyn that "The love 'stache will strike back," and she laughs.
5. I think Cody is the one who looked better in that segment since he is the one who made the challenge.
6. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are at ringside to call the show.
7. Sheamus comes out for his match with Rhodes right at the top of the show.
8. I am really bored with Sheamus lately. He never says or does anything surprising anymore.
9. I miss the days when he was attacking guys like Triple H with a lead pipe.
10. Rhodes, on the other hand, is someone who WWE needs to use better. He is a great talker, worker and heel.
11. The match is slow to get going. A lot of posturing and basic wrestling until Sheamus sends Rhodes to the outside with a shoulder block.
12. Sheamus controls the match until Rhodes hits the Disaster Kick to Sheamus while he is on the apron, sending him crashing to the floor as we head to a break.
13. This show is no longer living up to the name "Main Event" in regard to the matches.
14. The first week we had the WWE champion vs. the World champion and now we have a midcarder facing a former World champion who has beaten him countless times already.
15. I miss the cool videos they would put together for each guy in the main match, too. Those added an interesting feel to the show for some reason.
16. We return from break to see Sheamus being beaten down in the corner by Rhodes.
17. Rhodes and Sheamus have coordinating attires with black and white color schemes.
18. Ugh—that's how bored I am during this match. I am pointing out the fact that they match.
19. Rhodes pulls a nice dropkick out of nowhere to take back control from Sheamus.
20. Sheamus gets angry and Hulks up, like he always does.
21. How come nobody ever talks about Sheamus having a "five moves of doom"?
22. Well, he has more like seven or eight moves of doom, but he still has a standard routine of signature offense.
23. Rhodes hits a nice moonsault for a near-fall.
24. Rhodes hits a running knee to the face for a close two-count.
25. Rhodes misses a Disaster Kick and Sheamus nails him with the Brogue Kick for the pin and the win.
26. I feel like I have seen that exact same match a dozen times on SmackDown.
27. I know it is hard to constantly have new matches and feuds, but everyone knew who would win that match before the bell even rang.

28. Mark Henry comes out to squash Justin Gabriel, figuratively of course.
29. Henry uses his size to dominate Gabriel.
30. I love when Henry talks trash and yells at his opponent.
31. Henry pins Gabriel after a World's Strongest Slam.
32. Rhodes runs into Kaitlyn backstage and they have an awkward exchange.
33. I can't tell if WWE is using this to turn Rhodes babyface slowly or if they have no idea where it's going.
34. The last 22 minutes of the show consist of Raw recaps and a lot of the match between John Cena and CM Punk from Raw.
35. That was a great match, but I do not know how I feel about WWE giving 15 minutes of another show to it. Instead of seeing someone who could use some screen time, we are watching a match we just saw two days ago.
36. What a lackluster Main Event this week was. I had hopes that this show would not turn into another Superstars, but it looks like it might.



37. I am not sure how WWE plans to do a live Social Media SmackDown with a pre-taped show, so this should be interesting.
38. The show opens with Ricardo Rodriguez bringing out Alberto Del Rio.
39. Lawler is here for commentary. That's five hours of Lawler commentary this week. I love the guy, but that is a little much.
40. When does JBL get back from his mountain?
41. Damien Sandow comes out to face Del Rio, and he gives one of his trademark promos on his way to the ring.
42. Del Rio tells Sandow his breath smells like caca (his words, not mine).
43. I don't even know what to say about that.
44. There is a crawler at the bottom of the screen that show some live tweets while we watch Sandow and Del Rio trade control back and forth.
45. I think Del Rio lost the boots to his trunks. The gold boots look strange with red, white and green trunks and knee pads.
46. Sandow controls most of the match, but as we head to commercial, Del Rio takes control.
47. Wait a second, if this show was taped, how does Cole know what is trending at the moment?
48. Did they insert audio Friday night during the show to reflect what was trending live?
49. Del Rio can do a moonsault from the middle rope better than most could from the top rope.
50. Sandow is in control when we return, as he works over the right arm of Del Rio.
51. Del Rio hits a nice German suplex to get some breathing room.
52. Sandow's running side kick is basically Sweet Chin Music with the opponent on his knees instead of standing.
53. WWE needs more upset victories. Sandow would get such a huge boost from a victory over the World champ, even if he ended up losing a rematch.
54. Del Rio counters Sandow's finisher into a Cross Armbreaker for the submission win.
55. That was a decent match to start the show. Sandow has been mixing it up with main-event players since shortly after his debut, and he always keeps up with them in the ring.
56. I hope Sandow gets a real shot at a World title run in 2013. I think he is ready even though he has not been in WWE that long compared to some.

57. What is the point of exclusive WWE app interviews if they are just going to re-show it on the show?
58. We get a really long recap video for the Cena vs. Punk match from Monday.
59. If Cena were to really work at and perfect the Frankensteiner, he would be a lot cooler. That move would look awesome from a guy his size if he hit it the right way. Scott Steiner used to do it all the time and it was really cool. Big guys can hit that move if they just know how.

60. Daniel Bryan and Kane are backstage talking about having to face Prime Time Players in another match with a blindfold and a hand tied behind the back.
61. Wow! A 2-out-of-3 Falls match for the U.S. title is up next.
62. I like that WWE doesn't overuse this stipulation. It always makes it cooler when we do see a 2-out-of-3 Falls match.
63. We get a quick trailer for The Marine 3 before Antonio Cesaro comes out to defend his title against Miz.
64. Cesaro does not have the American flag or the red, white and blue trunks tonight. I wonder if that means he will lose the title soon.
65. Cole plugs a new WWE YouTube show called Behind the Match.
66. Miz tries to start off with a quick roll-up, but Cesaro kicks out.
67. I think Cesaro has done for the U.S. title what Cody did for the IC title when he was champion: He has made it interesting again.
68. Miz drops Cesaro's leg across his knee to begin wearing him down for the Figure Four leglock.
69. Miz tries for his corner clothesline at one point and Cesaro grabs him and turns it into what is basically a modified reverse fireman's carry slam.
70. I am sure there is a shorter name for it.
71. Cesaro kicks out of a small package and grabs Miz for a Neutralizer and the first fall. Cesaro is up 1-0 as we head to a break.
72. We see that Cesaro tapped to the figure-four during the break, making it even.
73. Cesaro hits a very impressive delayed gutwrench slam for a two-count.
74. Both men exchange some good offense until Miz gets launched into the air and hit with the nastiest European uppercut in the business for a near-fall.
75. Miz hits a short DDT for a very close two-count.
76. Miz and Cesaro start trading hard rights and lefts in the middle of the ring.
77. The ref has to pull Miz off of Cesaro in the corner when he gets too aggressive.
78. Miz hits the corner clothesline followed by a double axe handle from the top rope.
79. Miz locks in the Figure Four again with Cesaro in the middle of the ring.
80. Cesaro manages to crawl his way to the bottom rope for a break.
81. Miz goes for it again and Cesaro kicks him off.
82. After a few reversals, Cesaro wins with a roll-up to retain his title in a 2-1 victory.
83. That was a pretty good match. I honestly thought Cesaro would pull something out of his bag of tricks that WWE fans haven't seen for this match, but he did a great job putting Miz over for a lot of the match.
84. Cesaro held the tights to get the win, which is fine since he got the first fall cleanly.

85. JBL sends out a Tout from Argentina in preparation for his next Seven Summits climb.
86. I have a lot of respect for JBL. He is climbing the highest mountains on each continent for charity. I am not much more than half his age and there is no way I would be able to do that.
87. Sheamus and Randy Orton are backstage and Sheamus offers to watch Orton's back and Orton thanks him.
88. Nice. Jim Ross comes out to interview Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter.
89. Ross and Dutch Mantell go back a long ways. It was good of WWE to bring him in for this interview instead of having someone like Josh Mathews do it.
90. A promo video for Fandango airs hyping his debut for later tonight.
91. Swagger's entrance music is more intimidating than he is.
92. Zeb Colter, however, is someone I would not mess with in a dark alley.
93. Ross talks about recruiting Swagger into the WWE.
94. Swagger says Ross is a real American and that is why they gave him the interview. Colter echoes this point.
95. Ross asks Swagger why he is different from when he first got to WWE and Colter talks for him.
96. Ross changes the subject to WrestleMania, and Colter steps in and speaks for Swagger again.
97. That is what a good manager is for. Swagger doesn't need to talk if Colter is there to do it for him.
98. Jim Cornette and Bobby Heenan did it for multiple Superstars who got further than they should have because they had a great mouthpiece.
99. Ross disagrees with what Swagger and Colter are saying and Swagger gets right in his face and threatens him.
100. Del Rio comes out to stand up for Jim Ross as Swagger looks like he is about to beat him down.
101. Del Rio tells Swagger he isn't a real American; he is a real jackass.
102. I am waiting for some kind of shirt for Del Rio to feature the word jackass. He works it in at least once every week.

103. Fans get to vote for who Del Rio will face next week: Dolph Ziggler, Cesaro or Wade Barrett.
104. I wonder if WWE will do anything with Zeb Colter's (Dutch Mantell) Amelia's Law cause?
105. For those who are unaware, Mantell lost his granddaughter last year in an accident involving a man who was DUI and out of prison early. Mantell and his daughter have started a petition to change the laws in honor of Amelia.
106. WWE is still showing Lawler eating Sonic fast food after suffering a heart attack a few months ago.
107. Daniel Bryan puts a mask with a goat face on Kane for their tag team match.
108. Kane starts off against Darren Young, who tries, unsuccessfully, to trip Kane. He ends up eating an uppercut for his troubles.
109. Titus uses his whistle on the apron to distract Kane so Young can take him out, but he ends up getting crotched on the top rope when Kane stumbles into the ropes.
110. Bryan tags in and hits a bunch of kicks to Young.
111. Bryan manages to hit a crucifix pin with one hand for a near-fall.
112. After the break, we see Titus miss a shoulder tackle and Bryan manages to tag Kane.
113. Kane finds Titus in the corner and goes to work with hard shots.
114. Young tags in and gets chokeslammed, but Kane can't find him to pin him, so he tags in Bryan.
115. Kane almost chokeslams the ref and Bryan but realizes who it is in time for Titus to roll Bryan up for the pin and the win.
116. Let's hope this is the last time we see a match like that between these two teams. Twice is two times too many.
117. Kane sees what Bryan had on the mask he gave him and Kane gets pissed.
118. Bryan wants to hug it out and Kane just puts the mask on him and lays him out with a hard right hand before leaving the ring.
119. The end is nigh for Bryan and Kane.
120. WWE is really hyping this Halle Berry movie The Call, but they have yet to feature David Otunga in any trailers, or even talk about the fact that he was in it.
121. Big Show is with Matt Striker backstage and he talks about facing Randy Orton tonight.
122. Chris Jericho Skypes from Australia. They are really sucking the life out of this Social Media SmackDown gimmick.
123. I watched Robot Combat League. Anyone expecting anything close to Real Steel will be very disappointed.
124. Matt Striker talks to Fandango after the break.
125. Fandango refuses to fight until Striker gets his name right.
126. So, after weeks, make that months, of video packages for this guy, he won't even wrestle on his debut?
127. He only signed with WWE over six years ago. What's another week to wait.
128. That's right. SIX YEARS AGO!
129. I guess "Better late than never" applies here.
130. It looks like Dolph Ziggler won the poll to see who faces Del Rio next week with 51 percent of the votes.
131. Randy Orton comes out to face Big Show for the main event next.
132. Orton and Show trade offense back and forth until Orton gets run over by Big Show.
133. Big Show slows down the match with hard blows to the body of Orton.
134. Orton takes a chop to the chest and he goes down immediately.
135. Orton hits a dropkick out of nowhere to take Show down and out of the ring as we head to break.
136. Show goes up to the second rope and misses an elbow drop.
137. Orton turns a Chokeslam into a DDT for a two-count.
138. It looked kind of cool how Big Show kicked out and Orton landed on his feet.
139. Orton hits the rope-hung DDT to Show over the top rope, which could not have been easy.
140. Orton had to support most of Show's weight at an odd angle.
141. The Shield's music hits and they come down through the crowd.
142. As they surround the ring, we see Sheamus come out to stand by Orton. The match is over, I guess.

143. They still can't overcome the numbers advantage The Shield has.
144. Roman Reigns accidentally bumps into Big Show and Show lays him out with a KO Punch.
145. Rollins and Ambrose bail as Show looks at them with an angry look.
146. Big Show chokeslams Orton and Sheamus hits Big Show with a Brogue Kick.
147. I wonder if Big Show will be integrated into The Shield storyline at all heading into WrestleMania?
148. The look on the faces of Ambrose and Rollins when Big Show hit Reigns was hilarious.
149. The show ends with Sheamus and Orton shaking hands.
150. I really hope Orton turns heel soon. He is so much better as the vindictive heel than he is as a babyface.
151. I know one of the matches was a 2-out-of-3 Falls match, but a two-hour show with only four matches is a little ridiculous.
152. There were some parts of the show that were good, but this was not a strong week for SmackDown.
153. There were too many non-wrestling segments, and one of the matches was a throwaway because Kane was blindfolded and Bryan has his hand tied behind his back.
154. The high point of the night was the U.S. title match.
155. Since trilogies are always better than just two, I thought I would leave you this week with the third and final Chuck Norris clip. This time he is in WCW with Jean-Claude Van Damme. It's a quick one.


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