The Best Athlete Mugshots and Their Lookalikes
Images via Miami Police Department and Thefw.com
Since the first discus throw in Greece, sports stars have believed they were above the law.
Obviously, no one in this world is beyond the long arm of the law. If you break the rules, you will be caught, you will be cuffed, and you will have your picture taken.
And it is going to look bad.
That being said, there exists a veritable cottage industry covering the mugshots taken of sports figures under arrest.
Most are ugly and glum—typical fare for anyone who's ever had the cuffs slapped on them. But some of their mugshots go beyond the usual sad, put-out looks of a celebrity falling back to earth. Some just look down-home, fruit-bat crazy.
So in the name of one particularly beautiful mugshot that was taken recently, I've decided to take us down memory lane for a look at the goofiest, strangest sports figure mugs we've ever seen, and then compare them to some celebrity (and completely random) lookalikes.
Break out the caution tape and protective padding—it's time for the best athlete mugshots ever.
Dan McLaughlin and Chris Farley
Images via Chesterfield Police Department and Funnyjunk.com
Deion Sanders and Remy the Rat
Images via Lee County Sheriff's Deptartment and Pixar.com
Deion Sanders was cheesing big time after he was arrested for misdemeanor trespassing in Southwest Florida in 2006.
Turns out Prime Time was caught fishing on a lake owned by a local airport and had ignored several “No Fishing” signs in the name of landing a big bass.
It also turns out that Prime Time’s grin and big ears in this mugshot make him look strikingly like Remy from Ratatouille.
Booker T. and Steve Urkel
Images via Houston Police Department and Nickatnite.com
Before he was a member of WWE, wrestler Booker T. was arrested in 1987 for committing several armed robberies at Wendy’s restaurants in Houston.
And judging by the look he had during his mugshot, we can only assume he had been asking the police questions about his crime, specifically concerning whether or not he did “that.”
Adam "Pacman" Jones and Bobby Petrino
Images via Cincinnati Police Department and Getty Images
Adam "Pacman" Jones has had his fair share of run-ins with the law, and this mugshot was from his arrest in 2011 for disorderly conduct (while intoxicated) and resisting arrest.
He doesn’t look like Bobby Petrino at all, but you can’t really pass up on a chance to throw the pictures of these neck-braced goons together.
Damon Evans and Sour-Face Barack Obama
Images via Atlanta City Jail and Tumblr.com
Drunk behind the wheel with women’s underwear in your lap is no way to be pulled over.
But that’s precisely what happened to former University of Georgia athletic director Damon Evans, who was arrested late one night in 2010 after failing to maintain a lane.
Evans had a female companion in the car with him and attempted to use his position to convince the officer to drive them to motel instead of taking him to jail.
That obviously didn’t pan out, and Evans took this Warhead-inspired mugshot upon after arriving in Atlanta City Jail.
Rolando McClain and a Smiling Jackass
Images via Decatur Police Department and Digestingthefat.blogspot.com
Raiders linebacker Rolando McClain was arrested for assault, reckless endangerment and menacing and wrongful discharge of a firearm in 2012 after a heated incident occurred on his Decatur, Ala., property.
But handcuffs did not stop McClain from laughing it up, and the former Alabama standout flashed a big, jackassian smile at a photographer on the scene of his arrest.
Marshawn Lynch and Predator
Images via Alameda County Sheriff's Office and Avp360.wikia.com
Could Marshawn Lynch look any more like he wanted to end someone’s life in this 2012 mugshot?
Lynch was pulled over in California and arrested for DUI in July 2012, and we can only assume after taking this picture that he juiced up his cloaking device and strangled the cameraman.
Justin Blackmon and Beeker
Images via Stillwater Police Department and Encouragedegg.wordpress.com
After being pulled over in 2012 and blowing three times the legal blood-alcohol limit, Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Justin Blackmon was arrested and booked at the Payne County Jail in Stillwater, Okla.
And Blackmon’s face resembled a glorious Beeker frown in his mugshot.
Brett Sutter and Edward Norton
Image via Scottsdale Police Dept. / wall321.com
But judging by the Edward Norton/Fight Club look on his face in this mugshot, it might’ve been part of his initiation into an underground bare-knuckled fighting circle.
Allen Iverson and Crankiest Kid
Images via Philadelphia Police Department and Ridingthewaves.me
After surrendering to Philadelphia police in 2002 to face gun and assault charges, former Philadelphia 76er Allen Iverson took this disheveled, grumpy-kid photo.
Unfortunately for Iverson, jail isn’t the most peaceful place for the nap time he appears to so desperately need.
Mike Tyson and a Bulldog
Images via Scottsdale Police Department and Warrenphotographic.co.uk
Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson has a long, illustrious rap sheet with the law.
And this mugshot, taken after Tyson was busted in 2006 for DUI and cocaine possession in Scottsdale, Ariz., shows just how very used to being in the dog pound he is.
Robert Barker and Jim Harbaugh (Hat Off)
Images via Leesburg Police Department and Getty Images
If he ever took his hat off—and was arrested for child abuse—San Francisco 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh could pass for Robert Barker.
Barker, father of a youth football player, was arrested in 2010 for shooting a BB gun up in the air (signalling the beginning of a drill) and forcing his stepson to run wind sprints after the boy failed to finish playing a football game earlier in the day.
They're not really close in appearance, but Jim Harbaugh almost never takes that cap off, so he has to have some mean tan lines.
The Big Show and Drunk Lindsay Lohan
Images via Memphis Police Department and Littleblackblog.net
Someone hold his hair, he’s going to blow!
WWE wrestler Paul “The Big Show” Wight was arrested in 1998 for allegedly exposing himself to a female motel employee.
He also exposed himself as being capable of looking like a very intoxicated young woman in his mugshot.
John Daly and The Thing
Images via Winston Salem Police Department and Marvel.com/movies
From the orange jumpsuit to the gravelly grimace, professional golfer John Daly looked like a ringer for The Thing after spending a night in custody in 2008.
Daly was brought to the local jail after passing out at a table in a Hooters in Winston-Salem, N.C. Obviously, something we could see The Thing doing as well.
Miguel Cabrera and Ridiculously Photogenic Guy
Images via St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Office and TheKingOfGames
For a guy who was blubbering into a bottle of scotch in front of his arresting officer earlier in the night, Detroit Tigers slugger Miguel Cabrera really pulled it together for this 2011 mugshot.
It wasn’t Cabrera’s best night, but hey, he could’ve looked worse.
Laurence Maroney and Pippi Longstocking
Images via St. Louis Police Department and Fanpop.com
Never smoke and pack heat, kids.
Or else you’ll end up like former New England Patriot Laurence Maroney did in 2011—arrested for marijuana possession and carrying a concealed weapon while under the influence.
Pippi knew never to smoke while strapped, Maroney
Josh Booty and Kid Who Won't Eat Vegetables
Images via Orange County Police Department and Realfoodmommy.blogspot.com
Fox sportscaster Josh Booty does not want to eat his vegetables. He also did not want to call in a designated driver before drunkenly hitting the road in 2008.
It’s reported that Booty was arrested for DUI, and police needed to use a taser on him due to his belligerent behavior.
I like to picture the police pulling out the taser and Booty screaming, “No, daddy, no!”
Ricky Williams and Kel Mitchell
Images via Austin Police Department and Avclub.com
After being pulled over in Austin, Texas, in 2000, former NFL running back Ricky Williams decided he wasn’t going to sign the traffic ticket he was given.
Williams was arrested and carted off to jail, where he took this photo, looking like a young Kel Mitchell in Good Burger.
Desmond Bryant and June Thompson
Images via Miami Police Department and Thefw.com
Ah...the piece de resistance.
Raiders defensive tackle Desmond Bryant obliterated everything we thought we knew about awesome athlete mugshots when he was arrested earlier this week for criminal mischief.
Bryant was taken into custody after allegedly charging into a neighbor's house and causing a huge, drunken scene.
The mugshot Bryant took after being arrested has since become the Heart of the Ocean of athlete mugshots—truly the crowning jewel of ridiculous post-arrest photos involving sports figures.
It’s part largemouth bass, part Honey Boo Boo’s mom and 100 percent perfection.