You'd think being dumped by three storied franchises would steel-toe some sense into Terrell Owens' incredibly thick skull.  You'd think being curbed by Jerry Jones—the man who once embraced him and would do anything to keep his mercurial wide receiver happy, including personal hand-holding on the sidelines—would be a five-alarm wake-up call.

You'd think being forced into National Football League purgatory in western New York would finally be Owens' "come to Jesus" moment.

Of course, if you did all that thinking, you'd have reflected more honestly and profoundly on the events than Terrell Owens seems capable of.  This hombre is one colossal monument to self-delusion and conceit.

Forget Kanye West, South Park should've sent up this clown.

And I'm not reacting to Owens missing the Buffalo Bills' voluntary workouts.

As has been stated many times, the one thing you don't have to worry about with Terrell is what kind of shape he'll report to camp in.  The dude is far too vain to let his precious body fall slack.

Nah, you don't need the TO Show when it's just offseason conditioning—his massive ego will guarantee negligible body fat and the (fading) ability to run like a gazelle on steroids.

I'm talking about his latest attempt to climb on the media cross and tailor himself the misunderstood martyr.  See, it's not Owens—it's the media.  Terrell isn't the problem because he's just one of the guys, just another typical NFL player going about his typical NFL life.

Don't you get it?  How can you not see this?  It's so obvious.

Terrell Owens is just another victim of the vindictive press, being treated unfairly by having his every (mis)step scrutinized.

For those of you not into the link, here's pretty much all you need to know from the man himself, "What I find so unfair about it is that I'm not the only guy out of 32 teams that didn't show up...everybody nitpicks at anything and everything I do."

Quick, where's my violin...

This is a guy who has made a career and millions of dollars by forcing people to notice him.  When he stopped being able to do it with his play, Owens courted the cameras and made his entire life a sideshow—elaborate touchdown celebrations, sound-byte after sound-byte, sideline antics, and public meltdowns for the ages.

This is an athlete who makes Deion Sanders a team-first paradigm by comparison.  With Owens, it's always been about Owens first and the rest of the team if there's time.

And it should be getting even better.

Remember, Terrible O has a reality show coming out (unless Buffalo officials or somebody with a brain and influence has come to their senses) in which he will find true love.  He'll do this following the advice of his two best friends, who are female.

Two women helping a multi-millionaire professional athlete/D-list celebrity find love with someone other than said two women?  That actually sounds like a lock to accomplish the show's stated purpose of making "his life off of the field as successful as his life on it!"

Terrell Owens turned his whole career into the Sharpie Incident.  Even this latest attempt to rewrite history was delivered in blue tights.

Let me tell you something—a grown man wanting to be treated just like everyone else doesn't deliver a public address in tights.  That's not how you "blend" into the scenery.  I'm sure he was fresh from a strenuous conditioning session, and I don't care.

With Owens, it's always calculated, and my man misses no chance to exhibit his admittedly impressive physique.

It's "look at me, love me" with one hand and "leave me alone, I don't deserve this" with the other.  Fantastic.

Unfortunately for Terrell Owens, the two hands working together are telling everyone he's an egocentric joke who will never take personal responsibility for his own failings.  His psychosis is so unadulterated, his egomania so unfiltered, that no situation is beyond his ability to pervert and contort logic in order to protect his enormously fragile mental state.

It's part of what made him an NFL player, but it's the part he should've relinquished many Sundays ago.  It's been a detriment ever since he established himself, and everyone knows it except Terrell.

Judging from this most recent plea, he still doesn't.

And that means he probably never will.