B/R wrestling community dignitaries begin to gather in the room as they prepare to hear the state of the wrestling community address.
Wrestling's version of "Hail To The Chief," the NWO theme song begins to play as the Secretary of Offense, D. Stokes, walks into the room.
He shakes hands with such luminaries as Vice President Mina, Secretary Daris "Colin" Brown and former president Joe "W" Burgett.
It's rare that a secretary addresses the community in this format, but the new president Shane O'Howard is busy watching an episode of "90210."
Turns out, so is house speaker AkD.
As RNN chief correspondent Jason "Wolf" LeBlanc reports D. Stokes is set to begin his speech...
Thank you, thank you fellow community members. It's with great pleasure that I bring you the state of our community address.
I want to acknowledge President O'Howard and speaker AkD in their absence. If only they owned a DVR, they may have been present here today.
What we have to talk about today is very important to our existence. Apparently not as important as an episode of "90210," but that's neither here nor there.
There are issues among members of our community. Issues that stem around a scandal that is affecting our nation in the most severe way.
Yes my friends, Wrestlemaniagate. The biggest scandal to hit our community since former president Burgett's affair with Mae Young was discovered.
Due to Wrestlemaniagate we have seen recap after recap after recap of the Wrestlemania pay-per-view, and the reviews have not been great.
This scandal has caused us to lash out against each other for having opinions on whether the event was good or bad.
To that I say, no more!
Whether you liked Wrestlemania or not, the purpose of this community is for us to be able to express our opinions and debate them.
Is it ok to call each other out on issues we don't agree with? Sure it is. However it should be done in a way that does not disrespect our fellow countrymen.
This community was built on bodyslams, justice, and the wrestling way. Let's keep it that way.
At this point a standing ovation occurs and we have reached 20 already for the evening. It seems for some reason the crowd stands and applauds after every damn sentence!
Now in relation to Wrestlemaniagate, there are some issues that concern me about us as fans.
It is a word that I don't like to use, but is fitting in this situation.
Ladies and gentleman, "Fickleness" is taking over our community.
Yes! Fickleness, my friends, is an issue that has plagued the wrestling fan for as long as I can remember.
When I was a little boy growing up on the streets of Detroit, this nation was full of Hulkamaniacs.
My mother and grandmother warned that fickleness would take over the fans and they would turn on Hulk Hogan.
They were right. It came to pass.
I see the same fickleness from fans who are outraged that CM Punk won the MITB ladder match.
Aren't these the same fans that just a couple of months ago were outraged because Punk was cheated out of the title? Aren't these the same fans who feel that CM Punk has the talent to be a credible champion, and he just needs a chance?
I say let's do away with fickleness and bring change to the world of wrestling!
Only about half the crowd stands up and applauds....
We also need to address the issue of our oil prices.
Wrestlers are using oil and bronze on their bodies at an alarming rate—particularly Randy Orton.
Our wrestlers need to be more fuel efficient and start using water like the delegate from Connecticut, Triple H.
Speaking of Randy Orton and Triple H, I've heard quite a bit of nonsense regarding their match at Wrestlemania.
Triple H retained the title and everyone is outraged. Why?
As our Vice President Mina stated, wrestling feuds tell us a story.
Randy Orton got over on the McMahons week after week.
Triple H avenged his family and won at Wrestlemania. Wrestlemania is the culmination of a story.
Backlash will start a new story, and who knows? Randy Orton may become WWE Champion.
So I say that to say this, the notion that Orton was buried because Triple H won is ridiculous. The notion that Triple H told creative that he has to win is ridiculous.
When will people begin to realize that Triple H had the potential to be a major player in the WWE on his own.
He just so happens to be married into the McMahon family and people hate that. But answer me this question....
Wouldn't you marry Stephanie McMahon if you had the chance? She's pretty hot, if you ask me.
The man has no control over who he fell in love with. I'm sure that being on the road 300 days a year doesn't give you much opportunity to do much dating.
Most people stand and applaud, though some do so reluctantly.
So what is the state of the wrestling community?
The state of the community is strong. We have great writers with great opinions.
Though we may not agree on everything, we have to stay united so that our community can continue to thrive.
Let's put Wrestlemania behind us and move on to writing compelling articles.
God bless you! And God bless the B/R wrestling community!
Another standing ovation and another great state of the community address.
As D. Stokes walks out he is handed articles of impeachment papers for president O'Howard. The reason? No one puts the CW network over wrestling!!