It's a fad, fad world.
Every day it seems like we wake to a new trend sitting on our doorstep. They come on quick, and before you know it, you're neck deep in pop tunes, derp memes and dumb sayings brought to you by frothing teenage girls and self-promoting celebrities.
The world of sports, in particular, is extremely susceptible to fad-takeover, and the following trends are some of the stankin'-est ones out there right now.
The hipster fashion trend has officially rolled over American professional sports like a veritable tidal wave of skinny ties, polka dot shirts and fixed gear bicycles.
It has come to the point where I wouldn't be surprised if Dwyane Wade borrowed a few lines from Nietzsche while expounding on the futile nature of opponents guarding LeBron James to reporters.
That being said, can we at least get a compromise concerning these athletes who are now wearing lensless glasses?
Is it so much to ask athletes who wear what are supposed to be vision-enhancing spectacles to at least put nonprescription lenses in them.
We know you’re just wearing them for fashion, and we can’t stop you from doing that. But some people actually need glasses to see the world, and wearing spectacle frames without lenses is literally the biggest middle finger you can throw at them.
At this rate, we’ll be seeing healthy players limping into interviews on faux-vintage designer crutches.
Hot smoking Hannah Storms these fads need to end.
It’s just lazy, pure and simple. Taking a player’s last name and adding “ing” is no proper formula for naming someone’s signature move.
For example, “Tebowing” is not a cool term. But what if they called it “McJesusing”?
Or they could go really far out there and call it “prayer.”
Welp, it was good while it lasted.
Psy hit the music scene fast and hard last fall with his now-world famous dance hit “Gangnam Style,” and everyone—I mean everyone—was doing the rope’em up Asiatic cowboy jig.
The sports world was no exception, and athletes on teams everywhere were going Gangnam Style to celebrate touchdowns, goals and plays of all kinds.
But it’s officially dead now.
And this is how it died.
“Out of control” is Twitter’s default setting.
Everyone and their sister is on the social media web site painstakingly handcrafting their oh-so-clever 140 character gems and throwing them into the proverbial roiling cyber abyss that is the “Twittersphere.”
That being said, one of the few bright spots left on this particular social medium (and perhaps of all social media) is sports—news is broken, reporters live-tweet games and professional athletes lift the curtain and give us a glimpse into their daily lives.
But now Twitter has devolved into a snarky battleground for drunk celebrities and athletes looking to air their grievances with each other to the whole world.
These are grown men talking trash in 140 characters or less via a social medium whose symbol is a small blue bird.
I’ll say this, and leave it at that—dueling. We need to bring it back.
The go-to celebration move of Cam Newton, Johnny Manziel and countless other professional and collegiate athlete has been reheated more times yesterday’s couscous.
The chest rip isn’t a bad move in theory, but after seeing Dude Perfect nearly work himself into a towering Clark Kentian climax over it during this trick shot video with Johnny Football, I'd say it’s time for it to go back on the shelf.
Relax, I’m all for breast cancer awareness.
And while the pink gear the NFL shoves down our eyes every October is god awful ugly, I’ve always held the opinion that if there’s one person out there who schedules a breast cancer exam after tuning into a professional football game—well, at least they’re doing a good thing over there.
But a big hat tip to Deadspin for digging up the ridiculous fact that around only five percent of the money made by the NFL hawking pink “Awareness” memorabilia actually goes to the American Cancer Society.
All told, the amount of money the NFL makes selling pink gloves, cleats and jerseys to fans wanting to help “find a cure” dwarfs the amount of profit they make from this “awareness” stunt they pull every year.
Sure, awareness isn’t a “fad,” but after looking at the puny monetary effort the NFL makes to actually help fund breast cancer research and support groups, it’s really just a colorful, empty gesture.
It was bad enough the two weeks before the Super Bowl, but if I hear another person use the term “Harbowl” or tell me that a coach is “#Harbaughing” I’m going to brick a bread bowl in my pants. The whole loafy thing.
Coaches lose their biscuits. It's just how the world works. Sure, Jim Harbaugh looks like he’s birthing an elk while he’s doing it, but that’s nothing we haven’t seen before.
“In a one-on-one game: LeBron James or Michael Jordan?”
“Best turnaround jumper: Kobe Bryant or Michael Jordan?"
“Smoothest unprotected underbelly: ankylosaurus or Michael Jordan??”
Since he retired 15 years ago, fans and analysts have engaged in a futile and unending argument concerning how Michael Jordan "in his prime" would fare against his successors in the game or basketball.
And with ESPN humping the approach of His Airness’ 50th birthday into nostalgic dust over the past week, the age-old “who would”’s and “what if”’s involving Mike and his contemporaries have reached a whole new level of annoying.
I’m not entirely sure what this is, but I know it’s spreading like the clap through the world of sports.
My first instinct is to like it. People in horse masks losing their minds, Spiderman mix-mashing to a hulking bass crunch breakdown—I can get with that
But knowing how these trends go, don’t be surprised if you turn on ESPN next week and see Tim Tebow Harlem-shaking your faith in humanity away alongside the anchoring cast of SportsCenter.