MMA Stars and Game Shows

Although the show Fear Factor was hosted by UFC commentator Joe Rogan, the perfect contestant for the show is ready and waiting over in Japan.

A 185-pounder who has fought pretty much anyone who they could fit into the ring with him - and amassing a 41-30 record at the same time - Ikuhisa Minowa has faced such behemoths as Don Frye, Semmy Schilt, Stefan Leko, Giant Silva, the near-400-pound Zulu, Kimo, and Eric "Butterbean" Esch.

He's also faced such high-caliber fighters as Wanderlei Silva, Rampage Jackson, and Mirko Cro Cop. To a guy like this, eating some pig eyes is probably going to seem like a day off. Clearly, fear is not a factor for Minowa.

Everyone knows that Anderson Silva is one of the top fighters in the world, and has dominated the UFC middleweight division. What they may not know is that he is nearly as accomplished at busting a move as he is at busting heads.

Dancing With the Stars? Meet your new contestant.

The little hip swivel he does as a celebration after his fight is a pretty tame version of the prowess he used to display after a victory.

Track down his fight against Carlos Newton in Pride to see him manage to don an entire Michael Jackson suit and complete a moonwalk before Newton can even pick himself up off the canvas.

Or, for a more recent event, watch him give a few dancing lessons to host Rachelle Leah on UFC's All Access. I wonder if his dancing gave him that high kick flexibility for fighting, or vice versa?

For an old classic, The Gong Show. Another classic, the Samurai Ronin, Andy Wang.

The fit?

Not to bash on a professional fighter, but if you were a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belt, wouldn't you like to have the fight take place on the ground? I know I would...

However, Andy Wang has shown time and time again that for whatever reason, he will fight on the feet in utter futility against opponents with better striking, better power, and usually with a pretty comfortable reach advantage.

He's a tough guy, but Andy Wang's "slug it out" would get the gong in the first round.

I also considered Jorge Gurgel for this spot, but while he also ignores his pedigree in ground skills, he has actually shown that he can win a fight on the feet.

First fighting in PRIDE, and now in DREAM, Nordic badass Joachim Hansen was once offered a contract to fight in the UFC. He said no.

In fact, he went on to comment, "I would rather fight for free, than to bend to them [Zuffa]." A guy with those kind of steely nerves and decision making prowess would be great on the phenomenon Deal Or No Deal.

There's something to be said for simply saying "No Deal" over and over and gutting it out until the end. Besides, Hansen was also heard to say that he would rather have "bleeding hemorrhoids" than to fight for the UFC.

You just NEED a guy with that kind of colorful language on network television. Besides, if things ever got boring, he could deliver some pretty hellacious knees to Howie Mandel. And who wouldn't want to see that?

Put a bunch of people on an island, and let them compete until the last one is left. Call it "Survivor."

Put a guy in the UFC, let him lose three in a row due to a HUGE hole in his game that even the most uneducated fan can see. Then watch him get signed to a brand new five-fight contract.

The UFC is notorious for cutting fighters on losing streaks, and actually have contract provisions to cut any fighter at any time after a loss. And yet...

Houston Alexander might not be the last man on the island, but he knows how to survive.

Kalib Starnes.

The Amazing Race.

Make it happen. Enough said.

Family Feud is one of the better-known game shows of the recent era. It's a great concept; take a family, line them up, and have them battle another family over trivia questions.

What better way to match up the Nogueira twins vs. the Emelianenko brothers? It would be an epic class, and I'm really curious to see what Aleks would choose for "five things in your medicine cabinet."

Too polite? Too boring? Okay, let's throw the Diaz brothers, Nick and Nate into the fray. That should liven things up.

Randy "The Natural" Couture left the UFC in 2007 over money. Okay, he said the issue was "respect," but even he admitted that money was the best way to show respect to a professional athlete.

He also returned to the UFC a year later, when it became clear that he was legally outmatched by Zuffa's lawyers. They were blocking him from fighting, and eating up his money in legal fees.

If anyone in the MMA world knows when the Price is Right, it's Couture.

He returned to the UFC and put his title on the line against 2-1 Brock Lesnar, because everyone involved knew how much money the fight would make, even though there were probably more deserving contenders.

How's that for a Showcase Showdown?

The Weakest Link was a game show where contestants had to answer a set number of questions in a row, without getting one wrong. The "weakest link" was the person who got the question wrong, and blew it for everyone.

Anyone who has seen Aoki fight knows that he's deadly on the ground, with his submission game and incredible dexterity. However, when you see a fighter literally chase his opponent around the ring in the butt scoot, you know he's missing something.

Aoki's complete lack of a standup game is by far his weakest link, and it was proven just yesterday when Hayato Sakurai put him to sleep in 27 seconds.

Tim Sylvia is probably the most hated champion in the history of MMA.

People call him "The Sloth," they mock his body, his fighting style, his accent, and pretty much anything else they can get their hands on. Big Tim even went on an episode of the show Blind Date, and went home empty handed.

Perhaps if he could get a spot on Love Connection, Sylvia could finally get the love he so desperately seems to want. With a panel of three women, and some very specific questions:

"Do you like long walks on the beach, hunting, and wearing championships belts to the grocery store?"

I smell ratings!

If any fighter could be called a "celebrity," it would be Tito Ortiz. Whatever you think of him as a fighter, he's made the crossover pretty well, with film work, television and even stepping into the commentary booth for Affliction's second offering.

If he's really done fighting, he needs a regular gig, though. Admittedly his commentary is probably not going to pay the bills, and Jenna Jameson's newly delivered twins are going to need some high-caliber therapy when word gets around the schoolyard what their mother used to do for a living.

So, what better place for a "washed-up" celeb to go, than a spot on Hollywood Squares? It's a win-win. Tito gets to be on TV, he'll finally get the attention he craves, and even if he answers the question wrong, no one has to agree with him.

Maybe he can challenge Whoopi Goldberg for center square! Watch out Tito, I hear she has a mean triangle.

Nickelodeon's Double Dare was a staple game show in television history. Two teams answered trivia questions from the host, and if they didn't feel confident in the answer, they could pass on their turn and "dare" the other team to answer.

That team, in return, could "double dare" and send the question back to the first team, who could either answer it, or choose the "physical challenge," usually some zany stunt or obstacle course, to get the points.

Now, Wanderlei Silva may not be the best at answering trivia questions. He may not even have the best English skills. But answer me this:

Would you look into the eyes of the Axe Murderer and dare him to do ANYTHING?

And don't even get me started on giving him a physical challenge...

Honorable mentions:

On the game show The Biggest Loser, contestants compete to see who can lose the most weight in a given time period. Gabe Reudiger was a fighter famous for failing to make weight on The Ultimate Fighter. In fact, he put himself in the hospital trying to do so.

Kenny Stevens did the same thing on Season Two of the show, failing to make weight and being ousted from the house without even getting a chance to fight.

But the winner of this bid goes to Season One's Bobby Southworth, who cut TWENTY POUNDS in 24 hours, and still managed to win his fight.

The show: Jeopardy - The Fighter: Rich Franklin. I'm not saying that other fighters are dumb, but as a former teacher and holder of a masters degree, if I had to send someone into a game show that actually tests knowledge, I'd send "Ace."

Speaking of fighters that I would never call dumb (to their face), I nominate Phil Baroni to be a contestant on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?"

Because sometimes, the joke writes itself.