General Douchebaggery: Corey Perry

Miikeee D.Correspondent IApril 6, 2009

ANAHEIM, CA - MARCH 27:  Corey Perry #10 of the Anaheim Ducks sets a screen as goaltender Dwayne Roloson #35 of the Edmonton Oilers makes a blocker save during the NHL game at Honda Center on March 27, 2009 in Anaheim, California. The Oilers defeated the Ducks 5-3. (Photo by Victor Decolongon/Getty Images)

I am going to try and keep it clean here.

I hate Corey Perry.

I fffff’in HATE Corey Perry.

I only hate a select few people: Alonzo Mourning, Paul Davis, Rick Sutcliffe, and the two homer peices of shit from NESN who do the Boston Bruins’ broadcasts: Andy Brickley and Jack Edwards, but those two are for another day.

I don’t hate anyone more than Corey Perry.

My hatred for Perry stems from his days in Peterborough, Ontario. While he was growing up, he played on the same line as a friend of mine, who I played baseball with. While they were growing up, my friend played on the same line with Perry and was a better player and put up better numbers than him.

My friend was slated to go in the first round in the OHL draft, but signed his intent to go to the NCAA and was still drafted in the third round. Meanwhile, Perry was drafted by the unbelievable London Knights, who won the Memorial Cup and hardly ever lost a game.

Perry was drafted and won the Stanley Cup with the Ducks a few years later. My friend was one of the standout freshman in the NCAA, but was hampered because of an injury in his sophomore and junior seasons.

I’m sorry, but I can’t respect a guy if I personally know someone who was better than him, but just chose to go to school.

Fast forward to Perry’s current NHL career as a 6′3″, 209-pound pussy. I can’t stand watching him play. He tries to be a pest by doing subtle things like jab or poke at other players during a game, but refuses to take acocuntability for his actions.

Usually, pests like Sean Avery and Alex Burrows take responsibility and fight or man-up in confrontations. Not Perry. He’s the type of guy who will do something and turn around and throw up his hands asking “what? what did I do?” Then cry like a bitch when he gets a penalty or when someone confronts him. Douche.

Last night, I witnessed a new kind of douchebaggery. At the end of the Ducks-Sharks game, Christian Ehrhoff was tripped over the puck, and Perry proceeded to hammered away at Ehrhoff’s head with his stick. That was bad, but it gets worse. At the buzzer, Perry magically found himself on top of goalie Brian Boucher, and then punched Boucher in the face. Then what does he do? Skates towards the referees before Joe Thornton can get his mits on him. Pussy.

If I had a chance to one-punch Perry, I would take it in a heartbeat. If I saw him on the street, yeah, I would do it. I just really don't respect him. He plays the game with no balls, challenging guys like Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Sedin to fights or giving a rookie a blindside elbow. Who does that?

Apparently I am not alone in my stance. Do a Google search for “Corey Perry Pussy” and you will find some interesting reads.

BTW, sweet bald spot on Getzlaf. How old is he? 24?