Pittsburgh Pirates logoPittsburgh Pirates

Pirates Start Season In First For 127th Consecutive Year (Satire)

370565 02: The famous T206 Honus Wagner baseball card, is shown June 6, 2000 in New York City. The legendary baseball card will be auctioned on eBay beginning on July 5, 2000. (Photo by Chris Hondros/Newsmakers)
Paul SwaneySenior Analyst IApril 5, 2009

The Pirates are used to being in first place. They've been there for 127 straight years entering Monday's game against St. Louis.

Paul Maholm will take the ball for the visiting Pirates, and he expressed confidence as he prepared for the opening day start.

"I know when I throw my first pitch, that we'll still be in first place," he said. "It feels good to be in first place, you know?"

Maholm's confidence eroded and tears fell down his round face when told that the last time the Pirates had a winning record to end the season, Maholm was not yet 10 years old. "I guess that's what matters," Maholm blubbered.

Never fear Pirates fans, sometime around April 30, the Pirates will crank the 10,000th home run in franchise history! That's the 14th most all-time.

In an even better piece of news, the Steelers have agreed to begin playing by the time Pirates fans get too bored to live.

Where can I comment?

Stay on your game

Latest news, insights, and forecasts on your teams across leagues.

Choose Teams
Get it on the App StoreGet it on Google Play

Real-time news for your teams right on your mobile device.

Download
Copyright © 2017 Bleacher Report, Inc. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. All Rights Reserved. BleacherReport.com is part of Bleacher Report – Turner Sports Network, part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Network. Certain photos copyright © 2017 Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited. AdChoices