Pirates Start Season In First For 127th Consecutive Year (Satire)

(Photo by Chris Hondros/Newsmakers)

The Pirates are used to being in first place. They've been there for 127 straight years entering Monday's game against St. Louis.

Paul Maholm will take the ball for the visiting Pirates, and he expressed confidence as he prepared for the opening day start.

"I know when I throw my first pitch, that we'll still be in first place," he said. "It feels good to be in first place, you know?"

Maholm's confidence eroded and tears fell down his round face when told that the last time the Pirates had a winning record to end the season, Maholm was not yet 10 years old. "I guess that's what matters," Maholm blubbered.

Never fear Pirates fans, sometime around April 30, the Pirates will crank the 10,000th home run in franchise history! That's the 14th most all-time.

In an even better piece of news, the Steelers have agreed to begin playing by the time Pirates fans get too bored to live.

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