7 Broken-Record Discussions to Expect During Super Bowl XLVII

Jess Lander@@jesslanderContributor IIIFebruary 3, 2013

7 Broken-Record Discussions to Expect During Super Bowl XLVII

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    From brothers to biceps to a weeping Ray Lewis, Super Bowl XLVII is not lacking in storylines.

    Unfortunately, it's all we've heard about for the last two weeks, over and over and over again.

    By tomorrow morning, it'll be safe to turn SportsCenter back on and time to refocus on basketball or hockey or spring training as the Ray Lewis Farewell Tour will have made its final stop (finally!). Unless of course he pulls a Brett Favre, which probably wouldn't surprise anyone.

    It's better to be prepared for what's to come—what moments you should hit mute, crank up the music, go on a chips run or switch over to the Puppy Bowl. So here are seven broken-record topics of discussion that will absolutely come up during today's game. 

The Bro-Bowl

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    In case you've been living under a rock, John Harbaugh, coach of the Baltimore Ravens, and Jim Harbaugh, coach of the San Francisco 49ers, are brothers.

    Sunday's game will make history as the first Super Bowl with two brothers at the helm on opposing sidelines. While Jim (pictured right) might not look too excited about it in this photo, rest assured that his face just always looks like that.

    This angle is sure to be fighting for the lead storyline today, so expect a plethora of references to the "Harbaugh Bowl," "HarBowl" and "Bro-Bowl," in addition to plenty of shots of the Harbaugh parents and split screens of the two brothers.

    You'll probably be on the edge of your seat for the postgame handshake or hug, just to see how the loser bro takes it. 

The Ray Lewis Farewell Tour

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    One game out from alleged retirement, Lewis will be looking for as much spotlight as possible. And there's no doubt that the media will oblige.

    Mark these words: Lewis will do that weird dance, he'll cry—win or lose—and he'll get on the ground and pray.

    The good news is the tour ends today. Just be thankful that you'll never ever have to watch that dance again.

Colin Kaepernick and His Tattooed Biceps

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    You can't really blame the 49ers' gold mine of a quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, for getting swept up in his success and the attention that comes with it. After taking over for Alex Smith mid-season, No. 2 is playing on football's biggest stage, hoping to come out on the other side as No. 1.

    Now that he's sought to trademark his signature end-zone celebration, "Kaepernicking," the quarterback will, at some point—if not multiple times—kiss his tattooed biceps today.

    Inevitably, this will provoke commentators to dive into yet another tiresome discussion about Kaepernick's tats. 

David Akers Choking in the Playoffs

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    San Francisco kicker David Akers has gone from clutch to sucks over just one season. After kicking a 63-yarder in Week 1 of 2012 to tie the NFL record for the longest field goal, Akers' mighty foot has fallen.

    Akers nailed just 29 of 42 attempts this year for his worst percentage since 1999. His latest shank came from 38 yards out in the final minutes of the NFC Championship, falling in line with his reputation for poor playoff performances.

    Akers is very much an X-factor in today's game, and if he caves under pressure once again, the viewers will never hear the end of it.

Joe Flacco's Elitness or Lack Thereof

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    This is Joe Flacco's chance to prove that he belongs to the same club as Tom Brady, the Manning brothers, Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers.

    While most people were doubting him over the last several years, Flacco was busy defending his seemingly mediocre talent. But for the first time, he has some actual evidence to stake his claim on.

    Flacco got through Peyton Manning and Brady, and now he's playing in the Super Bowl. Yet until he's got a ring, his critics will continue to leave his name off the list of elites.

    Whichever way the game blows, Flacco's elite status will be a topic of discussion that you've already heard a hundred times over, so it might be a good opportunity to switch to the Puppy Bowl for a few minutes. 

Randy Moss, Not the Greatest Receiver Ever

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    Despite the recent and bold proclamation that he's the "greatest receiver to ever play this game," Randy Moss isn't all that these days.

    Moss caught just 28 passes for 434 yards and three touchdowns for the 49ers in the 2012 regular season, which isn't much considering he collected more than 1,000 yards in 10 seasons throughout his career.

    The statement is especially ballsy considering that Moss is seeking his first Super Bowl victory with the same team that Jerry Rice—actually the greatest receiver to ever play the game—won three Super Bowls with. Rice also holds all-time records for receptions, yards and touchdown receptions.

    Expect Moss to come up, whether or not he even makes a catch (probably not) in what might be his first Super Bowl championship.  

Alex Smith's Misfortune

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    Poor Alex Smith. He finally started to do a decent job at quarterback and one concussion later, he's out of a job.

    But the camera loves him anyway—that is, loves him looking sullen and bored on the sidelines while a tatted-up sensation plays in what was supposed to be his Super Bowl.

    It's one of the few times a backup quarterback will get significant airtime in a Super Bowl without being expected to play.