Edinson Cavani will be staying at Napoli.
Some deals are rumours set up to do nothing but take up space, and have absolutely no chance of materialising. However, the ridiculous nature of the January transfer window gives the agents a chance to drive up prices for their clients, or play teams off against each other.
Deadline day is either the best or worst day of the football calendar, depending on team affiliation. A deadline-day signing can lift spirits ahead of the second half of the season and keep supporters coming back, or it can drift by and leave no hope behind.
That’s enough gloom, however. We’re here to look at the absurd rumours that populate the internet on this glorious day; the ones that are unreliable, laughable and will be forgotten by the morning.
Until the summer window, anyway.
Edinson Cavani to Arsenal
Disregarding Arsene Wenger’s conservative approach to the transfer window, reports of Edinson Cavani moving to North London just won’t go away. The Daily Mail reported that Edinson has thrown down the gauntlet, stating that it will take £54 million to bring him to the EPL.
Even for the likes of Manchester City that would be a risky move on deadline day, but the fact that it’s Arsenal in the running makes it ludicrous. The same Mail article quotes Wenger as saying “he is a player I would like. He would cost a lot of money, that’s for sure.”
That rules it out right there. Cavani is a wonderful player, but he won’t be moving anywhere this January—let alone Arsenal.
David Villa to Arsenal
Arsenal again, with more sadistic rumours designed to gain fan support then smash dreams to pieces. Goal.com revealed that Arsenal—despite Wenger declaring the deal dead—have tabled a last-minute bid for the Barcelona striker.
This bid is rumoured to be between £10-11million, as well as matching Villa’s current £110,000-a-week wages. For someone like Wenger to completely lose his mind on deadline day seems ridiculous, as there’s no way he would make a sane offer to pay those wages.
The supporters demand a big-name signing, that’s for sure. But when has Wenger ever given them what they want? Surely he should just be repeating that Abou Diaby’s return from injury will be like a new signing?
Villa is too old and too expensive to bring to Arsenal. If this deal goes ahead, it’s a sad indictment of everything Wenger has preached as a manager.
Harry Redknapp Paying Acceptable Prices
Seriously, Harry? Chris Samba on a four-and-a-half year, £12.5 million deal, at £100,000 a week?
It seems Redknapp has disregarded any budgets or wage structure information that may have been presented to him, and instead gone shopping with his bosses’ credit cards. Samba may turn out to be the player who alone saves QPR from relegation, but it’s unlikely.
In other news, Redknapp seems to have become both Bill and Ted and wandered into the past to collect players for his failing project. Peter Crouch, David Bentley and Jermaine Jenas are all names being thrown about on this most preposterous of days.
According to The Belfast Telegraph all are supposedly the target of the QPR manager.
This sort of disrespect for how to run a profitable club isn’t going to end well. Redknapp was walking a fine line prior to this, but his decisions now seem to be the result of a drunken bet, and it won’t be him that suffers the consequences.
Someone take the man’s phone away, right now.
Kaka to AC Milan
The deal has been on and off for a while, but Jose Mourinho isn’t going to sacrifice the depth of his squad as a courtesy to Kaka’s career. With Real trailing Barcelona and Atletico Madrid, he needs to have everyone available, despite Kaka’s disappointing time at the Bernabeu.
Mourinho isn’t lacking in quality midfielders, but Kaka’s move to Milan has been sabotaged by the club bringing in Mario Balotelli for £22 million, despite previously pleading poverty when linked with Kaka.
It’s unfortunate for the Brazilian, as he still has a lot to offer—and could have really flourished at Milan—but he doesn’t look like going anywhere this month. Combinations of injuries and disappointing turnouts for Real have consigned him to the bench, and he will stay there until the summer, at least.
Kyriakos Papadopoulos to SønderjyskE
The prospect of Schalke defender Papadopoulos moving to Danish Superliga club SønderjyskE is simply the most ridiculous thing reported on deadline day so far.
Is this a joke? You think a player worth 20 million would play in a Danish club I never head about? This has to be the biggest joke I have heard in 10 years. I don’t know the club, I don’t know the sporting director. Never heard of them.
That’s enough. Even those five were too many.