I thought I had a wild college experience. I really did.
I honestly went after it with a zealous fervor and tried to get myself into as many weird and strange situations as possible.
But nothing I did is even close to messing with the kind of legendary material Texas A&M star quarterback Johnny Manziel is putting out right now. Not even that one thing with the peanut butter and the alpacas.
He’s a young superstar who has embraced his fame and still continues to pump out college-age ridiculousness in spite of the saturating press coverage that's dumped upon his every move.
Johnny Football isn’t bowing to the quiet “read a chapter of 'The Boxcar Children' and go to bed early” mold most young athletes embrace after capturing the eye of the national media.
Nope, Johnny Manziel is still enjoying his time in school and isn’t in any rush to be someone he’s not. And between his fame and love for living it up, his college glory days are utterly demolishing yours.
Last time I climbed onstage at a concert, Event Security speared me in the small of my back and hauled me out the side door.
That was my college experience.
But that is not how things are for Johnny Football. No sirree, Bob.
Manziel, along with teammates Spencer Nealy and Dustin Harris, was recently allowed to go on stage at College Station nightclub Hurricane Harry's to sing “We Bleed Maroon” with Texas A&M alum and country singer Granger Smith.
And not a single person was DDT'd or escorted from the premises.
“15-yard penalty! Excessive use of the Superman chest-rip! Repeat video!”
Football and basketball tosses from neighboring area codes were the order of the day when Johnny Manziel teamed up with Dude Perfect to make this foolishly ridiculous trick-shot video.
Granted, the video is awesome and has accumulated over one million views in the past five days, but there’s no way it would have generated a fraction of the interest without Manziel.
When was the last time you and your buddies went out and taped each other goofing around on campus and the video ended up being a topic of conversation on the Internet?
I think it’s safe to say Johnny Manziel learned his lesson about the pitfalls of fake identification.
Yup, I don’t think he’ll be shelling out 200 bucks anytime soon for another fake ID to get in the club again.
Why? Well, besides the obvious legal ramifications, it’s becoming clear that any bar in Texas will practically pull Manziel into the joint without so much as a wink to his age.
This unspoken truth was proved after he and the Aggies handily destroyed the Oklahoma Sooners in the Cotton Bowl, and Manziel ended up celebrating under the flashing lights at a 21-and-older nightclub.
Manziel was caught on camera with a big, sweating bottle of Dom Perignon at Avenu, a nightclub in Dallas. Now, the reporting has been a little muddled concerning the exact circumstances that night, but he wasn’t photographed actually drinking from the bottle.
There are conflicting accounts, but it’s been reported that one of his parents was allegedly present for the celebration, thus rendering any bubbly he might have sipped legal, as per Texas law.
You’d imagine being a starting quarterback at a football-crazy school like Texas A&M would likely present some difficult questions for a young man like Johnny Manziel.
Questions like “Who are these five women slumbering atop me on this crisp Sunday morning?” and “If I stack them sideways, could I build a dam out of all the ladies who are in love with me?”
However, Manziel would appear to have other plans in mind for the time being, as the star quarterback is now allegedly dating the lovely Sarah Savage, a TAMU student and aspiring model.
She’s "purdy" for sure, Johnny. But having a girlfriend during your freshman year? That’s the biggest rookie mistake you've made all season.
Johnny Football seems to be close to the action at every event he attends.
Houston Rockets game? Courtside. Dallas Mavericks game? He’s practically riding the pine. Your child’s baptism? He’ll be tub-side ready to help dunk the kid.
It’s not the story of your typical undergrad, but it would appear he comes from a family with enough means to buy their son some primo seating arrangements.
Most of us were lucky to get courtside seats for one game out of the entire season during college, and that required setting up a tent in the freezing cold and sharing body heat with another man for 36 hours before tipoff.
Ohhh yeaaah. Who can forget this little ditty?
Now, you may or may not have worked up the sap to try a line or two on your attractive public speaking professor back in the day, but no other freshman in college is landing panthers and bagging big cats quite like Johnny Manziel.
As you can see from this video, older women love Johnny Manziel. And it’s not his fault they “tingle” like wet Pop Rocks “when the football flies.”
That’s just a natural reaction.
Seeing athletes walking around campus was a great part of the college experience.
And oh man, if you had class with a notable athlete—that was worth a running Twitter feed all to its own, just so you could document any and all of the glorious words that come out of their beautiful faces.
But in typical Johnny Fooseball fashion, the Heisman winner takes the thing you get to enjoy at school and one-ups it into oblivion by hanging out with professional athletes like Chris Paul and James Harden.
And it’s not like he just ran into these guys at the bookstore and exchanged pleasantries—Manziel went onto the court and into the locker rooms at the Toyota Center to talk to these guys.
How does he do it? Because he’s Johnny freakin’ Football and that’s just what he does.
Being a college student means living off of Party Pizza, Ice House and the occasional Chipotle burrito.
Again, this is not the case for Johnny Football.
Based on a picture the Texas A&M star recently posted on his Twitter account, Manziel appears to be as incapable of losing at the casino as he is on the football field.
The picture of him and his friends “casino ballin'” at a reservation bar in Oklahoma garnered national media attention and was deleted shortly after posting.
To be clear, at 20 years of age, Manziel was completely within his legal rights to gamble at the casino (the gambling age at reservation casinos is 18). Compliance officers at Texas A&M, however, found the bill-brandishing a little much for their liking, and the image came down.
But it wouldn’t be Manziel’s last bout with the guys from Compliance.
Children do not like college students—they are far too busy and self-involved, and your average kid cannot understand why they can't take a moment and just play with them.
Manziel, however, is Johnny-on-the-spot (sorry) with the kids, and takes time out of his busy schedule as a student-athlete/American myth to visit children like this young patient in a Connecticut hospital.
And true to form, Manziel and his new buddy flashed some fake scratch in homage to the “compliance controversy” that occurred earlier this month after the quarterback posted a picture to Twitter of him and friends flaunting their casino winnings.
Winning the Heisman Trophy at any age is the achievement of a lifetime for a football player, and becoming the first freshman to hoist the prestigious award has elevated Manziel to a unique level of fame all his own.
But even being crowned the best player in college football still doesn’t fully account for the nation’s response to the young country boy from Kerrville, Texas.
There’s something about the kid’s game—unpredictable and thrilling—that meshes perfectly with his goofy nickname and natural charisma. And it’s drawn people to Manziel like moths to the flame.
We still don’t know how far he’ll go and what he's fully capable of on the gridiron, but it’s already clear that Johnny Football’s “Big Man On Campus” status extends much further than the school grounds at College Station.
America is a pigskin nation, and everyone from Joe Shmo to Chris Paul is becoming a Football fanatic.