Imagining What Every Knick Would Look Like with Iman Shumpert's Hi-Top Fade
The NBA has been struck by a tiny wave of early 1990s nostalgia as players are slowly starting to grow their hair out, grow it straight up, trim the sides and manicure themselves a beautiful, sometimes majestic hi-top fade.
Popularized by the likes of Will Smith in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Christopher Reid in Kid 'N' Play, the hi-top is a haircut that is envied by many, but perfected by very few.
Well, Norris Cole was really the guy to reintroduce it to the NBA, coming out of Cleveland State with a perfectly groomed, perfectly styled and expertly faded hairstyle, but he's not the guy that's getting all of the play thanks to the fade.
That, of course, would be Iman Shumpert.
While Shump's fade isn't as neat, and at times looks much more out of control than Cole's, his fade attracts much more attention and reaches greater heights, quite literally.
Watching Shump trot up and down the court with that beauty waving in the wind, it's easy to wonder what somebody like Jason Kidd or Carmelo Anthony would look with his hair-do.
Wait, you guys haven't wondered that same thing? Well, it doesn't matter, I've thrown the fade onto each member of the Knicks to see who rocks it best.
Everyone hold back your praise for my Photoshop skills. Just sit back and admire the hi-top fade.
If we're going to start throwing the fade around the Knicks' locker room, the first guy we've got to put it on is Carmelo Anthony.
To me, Carmelo's fade is going to be neat and tidy in order to fit underneath the headband that he's constantly rocking, and it's going to be a mid-height 'do in order to keep the bigger defenders coming at him so he can shake his way by.
He's going to add a few inches to his height, fool a few big men and look pretty fly in the process with this beauty of a fade.
If Kurt Thomas is going to put a fade on top of his dome, he's not going to be half-assed about it.
Thomas is going to get that fade going, and he's not going to stop until it's the biggest one in the league, allowing him to tower down on the rest of the league, scowling.
If ever a haircut could be mean, Thomas' fade is. It weighs down his forehead and keeps his brow furrowed constantly, sending as many negative vibes to the little dudes trying to take the ball in on him throughout the course of the game.
If Kurt Thomas is going to have the highest fade, Tyson Chandler is going to do his best to have the second-tallest fade on the team.
What makes Chandler want to have a higher fade is the same reason I've always theorized about why Ben Wallace was such a good defender in his heyday.
Wallace was 6'9" on a good day, but he had an afro that easily bumped him up three inches of vision-blocking 'fro.
Put a solid three or four inches on top of Chandler's head and he's suddenly got another defensive weapon. He's got a huge head of hair to block his opponents look at the rim.
J.R. Smith is going to grow a fade unlike any other player on the Knicks. It's going to be a bit funky and have some personality.
In a way, Smith's fade is starting to lean forward a bit, giving his head of hair the look of Shumpert with a dash of Elvis and Johnny Bravo thrown in.
Why is his hair a bit grayer than the rest of his team? Well, he is getting old, but it's probably got a lot to do with the fact that the photo of Shumpert that I took this particular head of hair from is lower quality, so don't start whispering about Smith needing to dye his hair just yet.
Regardless, there's no hair that's going to distract from all of Smith's tattoos, and he's still going to take some wonky shots.
Once again, Rasheed Wallace is going to follow in the steps of the rest of the big men on the Knicks and put together a tall fade in order to help him a bit on defense.
However, this one isn't necessarily to play better defense. It's going to make it so there's something else aside from his expanded waistline to both distract and block the view of the referees who constantly blow their whistles at him. Usually erroneously.
For whatever reason, it seems like it's going to help balance Rasheed out and get him to hit a few more three-pointers here and there.
Like Carmelo Anthony, Amar'e Stoudemire isn't going to get too out of hand with his fade, and it's going to look good when he's done.
Because of that, he's only going to go about an inch or two above the peak of his head, and it's going to be crisp and perfectly cornered.
The lines in the fade are going to keep him looking stylish, and it's going to be a 'do that's going to be touched up daily.
WIth the fade, Amar'e's going to be looking fresh.
Ronnie Brewer ins't a man that's going to care too much about keeping the fade short, or even tidy at times. All he wants to do is go out, play some defense and knock down a shot every once in a while. And that's just what he's going to do.
It might get out of hand, but if the rest of the team is going to be growing a fade, he'll play along. He just won't let it get in the way of his game.
As much as Brewer needed to be hit with the fade, Knicks assistant coach Darrell Walker needed to get himself a new look just as badly. It's doing a lot more for him than the bald head ever did.
Marcus Camby is looking a bit chunky these days, and his fade is going to have to follow suit if he doesn't want to start looking silly.
Camby's fade is going to fit in with the rest of the bench, but he's probably not going to end up growing it out as much as the other big men. It's just a bit too much upkeep to deal with on a day-to-day basis.
It's not the tallest, and it's not the sharpest fade, but there's something about seeing Camby with tall hair and a goofy near-smile on his face that makes me grin.
I was torn when fading Chris Copeland.
He's already got some trademark locks with his wild dreadlocks flying around, but we don't want him to feel left out when the rest of the team hits up the barber shop.
Because of that, I decided to let him keep his awesome dreadlocks, which make him noticeable these days, and threw a fade onto the top of his head.
All I know is it totally has nothing to do with the fact that I didn't want to spend the rest of my evening methodically airbrushing dreadlocks out of the photo with moderately unsuccessful results. That would never happen.
Steve Novak is going to follow in the footsteps of J.R. Smith as far as the color of his fade goes, and it's going to almost fit his look.
Of course, it looks a bit ridiculous to see a 29-year-old dude with a full head of grey hair.
It's moderately sized, but tall enough to get the job done. Plus, it's just a bit wide to either side, that way it keeps his head the same weight on either side of his body, keeping him from going off-balance while shooting three-pointers.
Raymond Felton and Jason Kidd
The point guard core in New York is going to find themselves with twin hi-top fades, and they're going to look good in the process.
They're sharp, tall and perfectly groomed, that way the Knicks don't get confused when either of them are handling the ball. This particular fade is the ball-handler's fade.
Of course, Jason Kidd's got the sharper lines in the fade. He's just one to look sharp when he's going all-out with a hairstyle.
And then there's Pablo Prigioni, the guy who comes the closest to looking as cool as Iman Shumpert while dressed with a hi-top fade.
In my mind, I expected him to come in with one of the worst-looking fades, seeing as he's one of the whiter dudes on the team, but the hairstyle seems to fit him perfectly.
Hell, he's standing here next to Norris Cole and he's out-hi-top-fading the master himself. That's got to say something.