NCAA Tournament: Guaranteed (Wrong) Predictions
After picking UConn to play in the Final Four along with several other egregious mistakes, I figured I had hit rock bottom by achieving the lowly 12th percentile on ESPN last week.
I was wrong.
After the four Sweet 16 NCAA games today with North Carolina, Louisville, UCLA, and Xavier all advancing to the Elite Eight, I checked back on my Tournament bracket only to find out that I had dropped to the 6.1 percentile.
A 6.1 percentile. Good for 2,985,835th place on ESPN. I'm creeping up to (or down on) the 3 million person landmark!
First of all, I didn't know this was statistically possible, due to the small percentage of people who either fail to complete their bracket or create joke brackets that have virtually no chance of winning (i.e. picking George Mason in the championship game against the Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils).
Nevertheless, with only four teams left in my bracket, I would need a miracle just to make just a respectable showing in this tournament. Any self-confidence I previously had about my knowledge as a college basketball fan is out the window. I am sitting in last place in my own bracket pool...as my friends have certainly pointed out.
Right before I began my descent to 2,985,835th place, I considered alternative methods of filling out my brackets. I considered picking my favorite jerseys or the teams with the hottest co-ed girls. Unfortunately, neither scenario would have fared any better.
My favorite tournament jerseys are Marquette, Georgetown, Indiana, and Arizona. Not one of those teams made it past the second round. And according to this ranking, the hottest group of girls in the field are at Arizona, Georgia, Texas, and Vanderbilt. So either way, this was not my year.
Adding insult to injury is the fact that with all of this A+ talent on the "hottest girls" list, I looked up my school, Washington University in St. Louis, and found a C rating in that same department.
It's disappointing, but I digress.
At this point, I can confidently say that prognosticating outcomes is not my thing. So what I'm going to do for you sports fans out there is provide insight for who I think will win the remaining games this weekend in the tournament.
Wait...that didn't make any sense. Why in the world would anyone ever want to follow what I predict? Considering the fact that there's a 93.9 percent chance the reader has a better bracket than mine, how much weight could my opinion possibly carry?
The madness to my theory is that whatever I tend to pick will probably be wrong, so it would be in everyone's best interest if you erred on the side of caution and picked against me. Trust me; I have a knack for this.
So without further ado, here are my picks for Friday. Enjoy the great basketball...
No. 12 Villanova over No. 1 Kansas
Scottie Reynolds scores a career high 48 points as Jay Wright leads the Wildcats over Bill Self and his storied Kansas program. Villanova becomes the first 12-seed to ever beat a 1-seed in the history of the NCAA Tournament.
No. 3 Wisconsin over No. 10 Davidson
Stephen Curry's dream season ends at the hands of Bo Ryan and Wisconsin's top-ranked defense. Gone will be the multiple camera shots to Curry's mom as well as the questions regarding how old Stephen Curry really is. Wisconsin moves on.
No. 5 Michigan State over No. 1 Memphis
Like last year, Memphis big man Joey Dorsey will mistakenly misinterpret the biblical story of David and Goliath and refer to his Tigers as similar to Goliath in this matchup. Predictably, Memphis comes in as the overwhelming favorites but ultimately falls to Tom Izzo, Neitzel, and the Spartans
No. 2 Texas over No. 3 Stanford
D.J. Augustin does what Kevin Durant could not last year in leading his Longhorns to the Elite 8. Behind a solid perimeter game of Augustin and fellow guard A.J. Abrams, Texas out-duels the Lopez twins.
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