Meet the Cheerleaders of Super Bowl XLVII

In February, the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens will meet in New Orleans and go head to head in Super Bowl XLVII. Which, in case you haven't heard, is a pretty big deal.

If you're excited about the game, then you probably know all you need to know about the teams and players already. Or you think you do. Either way. 

If you're not excited about the game, and plan to watch only because of societal pressure, then you're probably not interested in hearing anything about it.

Since we all agree that nobody is interested in my thoughts on the game, instead, how about I introduce you to some of the lovely ladies that will be cheering for each team? 

Sounds amazing, I know. Beautiful women aren't a divisive issue. People enjoy looking at them and I enjoy writing about them. Everybody wins. Especially you. 

And on that note, let's meet the ladies!

Alyssa, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Alyssa H.
Tenure: Five Years
Day Job: Management and Program Analyst

Alyssa attended Towson University and the American University of Rome and her career goal is to be happy and successful. A vague goal which she seems to have already achieved, given that she has her very own boat on the Chesapeake Bay. 

In other news: I should buy a boat. 

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Janine, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Janine Z.
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Retail Manager

Janine is the only Ravens cheerleader that lists quarterback Joe Flacco as her favorite player. Initially, I thought maybe she was his wife, or maybe they were related, but they don't seem to have any personal connection. Turns out, they both attended the University of Delaware, and she probably feels a forced sense of collegiate responsibility to her fellow Fighting Blue Hen. 

That's seriously their mascot. A blue lady chicken.  

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Courtney, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Courtney D.
Tenure: Four Years
Day Job: Graphic Designer 

Courtney is a graduate of James Madison University who hopes to own her own design firm down the road. In her spare time, she enjoys arts and crafts, volunteers at the Ronald McDonald House and watches the stain on humanity know as The Bachelor. 

The continued existence of The Bachelor has convinced me that there is no God. There can't be. 

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Dana, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Dana F.
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Systems Engineer

Dana is a Virginia Tech graduate whose career goal is to continue her success. Seriously. She enjoys kicking it in the sun, snowboarding, sewing stuff and various arts and crafts. She also lists "eating" among her hobbies. 

Stop. You had me at eating…you had me at eating. 

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Joanna, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Joanna T.
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Environmental Scientist 

Joanna is a graduate of Marshall University who hopes to land a management position in her late 20s and then leave it shortly thereafter to become a stay-at-home mother. Surely, the higher-ups at whatever company she works for will be thrilled about that when the time comes. 

I'm not judging anyone's life choices, but what's the point in striving for a management position that you have no intention of keeping? I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. 

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Sara, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Sara H.
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Fitness Consultant/Guest Relations

Sara currently works as a fitness consultant and eventually she'd like to own her own business. But she's not exactly a "gym rat," and prefers outdoor activities like paddle boarding and running to keep in shape. A lifestyle that no doubt suits her pet Pit Bull just fine. 

Hopefully she's not paddle boarding in the Chesapeake Bay. I've read things about the water quality. Bad things. 

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Dana, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Dana W.
Tenure: Six Years
Day Job: Kindergarten Teacher 

Dana is a University of Maryland graduate who would eventually like to be able to work from home while raising a family. She's been a captain for the last three seasons and her favorite player is stud running back (hey diddle diddle) Ray Rice (up the middle). 

I am pretty much incapable of seeing or saying Ray Rice without thinking or saying that "hey diddle diddle" thing. It's maddening. 

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Keishawna, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Keishawna G.
Tenure: Three Years
Day Job: Assistant Project Manager

Currently Keishwana is working for a commercial construction company, but eventually she'd like to build her own business in the fitness industry. She's an outdoor enthusiast who loves water sports and traveling and she'll watch just about any piece of garbage on the Discovery Channel. 

To clarify—I love the Discovery Channel. But it has definitely ventured into garbagey waters with a lot of its recent programming. 

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Cathy, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Cathy C.
Tenure: One Year
Day Job: Business Analyst

Cathy is a Midwestern girl who grew up in Wisconsin. She headed west for college and is a graduate of the University of Southern California. Now she's in Baltimore teaching fitness classes, cheering for the Ravens and analyzing businesses. 

No. I do not have any formal business training. But I totally fooled you, didn't I?

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Courtney, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Courtney L.
Tenure: Five Years
Day Job: Sales and Marketing Coordinator

Courtney is a graduate of Towson University with very broad career goals—she wants to "develop a strong character as a respectable, hard-working business woman." Alrighty then. Her favorite reality show is Keeping Up With The Kardashians, so that may be something she heard Kim say at some point. 

I've named her uniquely vague career goal the "even if you aim for nothing, you'll probably still hit something" strategy. And I'm totally stealing it. 

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Kellie Lee, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Kellie Lee G.
Tenure: Four Years
Day Job: Patient Account Rep/Mommy

Outside of being successful using her "talents and abilities," Kellie Lee's main focus is spending time with her family and friends. She loves attending her sons' sporting events, going to the movies and shopping. 

Shopping people aren't usually my favorite, but Kellie Lee listed Golden Girls as her favorite television show, so I think we'd get along just fine. Those late-night reruns are the best. 

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Kori, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Kori K.
Tenure: One Year
Day Job: Restaurant Employee

Kori is currently working the to-go station at one of Texas Roadhouse's 370 locations (in 46 states!), but eventually she'd like to receive training and become an ultrasound technician. She is still very young and has plenty of time to figure out all that career junk. 

Her age isn't listed, but I know she's young because I haven't heard of most of the things she likes and her favorite place to vacation is Disney World. 

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Tanya, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Tanya V.
Tenure: One Year
Day Job: Student/High School Pom Coach

Tanya is currently attending Towson University and plans to become a special education teacher following her graduation. No word on her plans to pick a new favorite band after she finally figures out that her current favorite band, the Black Eyed Peas, are the worst thing ever. 

OK—maybe there are a few things worse.

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Adriene, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Adriene B.
Tenure: Seven Years
Day Job: Vet Technician 

Adriene is a University of Maryland graduate who, while working as a vet tech, is still trying to find her true passion in life. In the mean time, she occupies herself by surfing, painting and camping. She also does a lot of volunteer work in the city and likes to kick it at the Baltimore Aquarium. 

I, too, like to kick it at the Baltimore Aquarium. The dolphins there are bad-ass mothers. 

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Stephanie, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Stephanie L.
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Student/Nanny/Intern

I guess I should have said day jobs, because Stephanie is one helluva busy girl. When she's not wrangling children or working for free, she's working toward her MBA at Morgan State University. Which is actually good, because it gives her less time for "extreme couponing," one of her main hobbies. 

How does she even find the time and energy to do this cheerleading thing? I'm exhausted just from writing this slide. 

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Spencer, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Spencer B.
Tenure: Three Years
Day Job: Community Projects Specialist 

Spencer may be doing well working for Johns Hopkins University, but they better really take care of her if they want to keep her. She says her career goal is always changing and she's willing to try just about anything that allows her to be creative and make more money. 

Spencer's favorite movie is The Shawshank Redemption and favorite book is The Catcher in the Rye. Which means she needs to be my new best friend. If you know her, please be my BFF matchmaker. 

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Serena, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Serena B.
Tenure: Four Years
Day Job: Student/Dance Instructor

Serena is currently a full-time student who plans to pursue a career as a dental hygienist down the road. She enjoys dancing, running and spending time with family and friends. Oh! And she grew up in Bel Air. 

Bel Air…Maryland. I heard it's the Paris…Texas…of the East Coast. 

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Sammi Jo, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Sammi Jo C.
Tenure: One Year
Day Job: Science Teacher/Cheerleading Coach

Sammi Jo is a guitar-strumming fitness enthusiast who loves dancing and is a self-described "science nerd." She enjoys watching the Discovery Channel and reading her favorite book, the Bible. 

And here you thought religion and science couldn't coexist. 

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NaShanta, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: NaShanta E.
Tenure: Nine Years
Day Job: IT Specialist 

NaShanta is a graduate of Morgan State University who works as an IT Specialist for the U.S. Census Bureau. Barring a massive government collapse, eventually she plans to be promoted to a management position. Her favorite quote is a rhyming life lesson from Dr. Seuss, which I won't reprint for philosophical reasons. 

Life lessons should never be delivered via rhyme or limerick. Words to live by. 

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Megan, Baltimore Ravens

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Name: Megan A.
Tenure: Three Years
Day Job: Financial Recruiter 

Megan is a graduate of Stevenson University and her future career goal is to "be successful." Glad we cleared that up. Her favorite television show is The Bachelor, favorite movie is The Notebook, favorite actor is Ashton Kutcher and her favorite singer is Pitbull. 

I have serious reservations about this girl. Everything on her "favorite things" list is on my "worst things in the world" list. 

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Priscilla, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Priscilla
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: In-Home Tutor/School Aide

Priscilla attended American Career College and earned a degree in Diagnostic Medical Sonography. Which, apparently in California, makes you qualified to educate the nation's youth. 

Whatever. I've had plenty of unqualified teachers and I turned out just fine. 

Official Bio

Audrey, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Audrey
Tenure: One Year
Day Job: Pilates Instructor 

Audrey has already earned two undergraduate degrees, but she plans to return to school at some point to obtain her doctorate in physical therapy. She's also a daredevil who once tackled an Olympic skeleton run in Utah, headfirst on a little sled, reaching speeds upward of 50 mph. 

So, depending on how things shake out, she's either going to become a physical therapist or require one. Hopefully the former. 

Official Bio

Carmen, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via David Tyau Photography via UltimateCheerleaders.com

Name: Carmen
Tenure: Six Years
Day Job: Administrative Assistant 

You wouldn't know it to look at her, but Carmen is just a grease monkey at heart! This self-described "handy woman" is currently an automotive mechanic in training. She plans to go back to school for business and eventually build a company of her own. 

Line forms to the left, car nerds. 

Official Bio

Carianne, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Carianne
Tenure: One Year
Day Job: Model and Stylist 

For a model and stylist whose favorite reality show is Jerseylicious, Carianne's look is surprisingly understated. She loves the show so much that she is planning a trip to the New Jersey salon where it's filmed to meet the cast.

That should be interesting. Or not. 

Official Bio

Christine, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via David Tyau Photography via UltimateCheerleaders.com

Name: Christine
Tenure: Three Years
Day Job: PhD Candidate and Researcher 

Christine is a student of science-related things that most of us couldn't even begin to understand, so I'll spare you the details. Unfortunately, that leaves us short on details. Her "fun fact" is that she is both blonde and Hispanic and has second cousins in Mexico. 

Scientists have a different idea of "fun," apparently.  

Official Bio

Bria-Chantel, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Bria-Chantel
Tenure: Three Years
Day Job: Student

Bria-Chantel is currently attending a local community college, with plans to transfer to a four-year university and pursue a degree in Spanish. Eventually, she hopes to become a teacher and/or translator and would jump at the opportunity to teach English in Spain. 

You wouldn't normally expect to see such lofty ambition from someone whose favorite movie is Good Burger. Which makes her all the more impressive. 

Official Bio

Antonia, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Antonia
Tenure: Four Years
Day Job: Account Executive

Antonia is a graduate of Cal State Chico and is undoubtedly the most distracting account executive employed by whatever company she manages accounts for. Eventually, she plans to return to school for a Master's degree and to earn a teaching certificate. 

She's also a hunter who bagged her first duck at age 12, officially making her my dad and brother's dream woman. Sorry, mom. 

Official Bio

Jennifer, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Jennifer
Tenure: One Year
Day Job: Graduate Student

Jennifer is a Gold Rush rookie this season, but she struts her stuff like a seasoned veteran. Before heading north to San Francisco, she cut her teeth shaking pom poms, however futilely, for the Chargers in San Diego for five years. 

What a year to cut the Chargers loose for the 49ers. Best. Timing. Ever. 

Official Bio

Aleena, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via David Tyau Photography via UltimateCheerleaders.com

Name: Aleena
Tenure: Three Years
Day Job: Student

Aleena is a business major who plans on a career in advertising or marketing upon graduation. She and her sister are also accomplished thespians, with years of dinner theater and sing-alongs for a captive audience under their belts. 

A very captive audience—their family. Apparently, her family lives in a wholesome '80s sitcom. I'm kind of jealous.

Official Bio

Tyesha, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Tyesha
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Receptionist/Student

Tyesha is currently pursuing a Master's degree in Counseling with an emphasis in higher education. She plans to eventually obtain a PhD in Higher Education and Administration and become an administrator at a university. 

Wow. Tyesha is basically majoring in college. She must really love school.

Official Bio

Ali, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via David Tyau Photography via UltimateCheerleaders.com

Name: Ali
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Behavioral Tutor

Ali is currently working on her undergraduate degree in special education, with a focus on children with moderate to severe disabilities. Eventually, she plans to earn a Master's in the same field of study and become an influential advocate and educator for special needs children. She also loves Zumba!

Ali is a better person than me. And you. And probably most everyone we've ever met. 

Official Bio

Lyndsey, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Lyndsey
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Project Manager

Lyndsey is currently working on a degree in business and marketing, eventually planning on a career in sports marketing. And her interest in football extends far beyond cheering—she actually played youth football until the age of 13. 

She got out at just the right time. Kids all start going bonkers around that age. 

Official Bio

Chelsea, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Chelsea
Tenure: One Year
Day Job: Student

Chelsea is currently studying Kinesiology at a "local state university," which she preferred not to disclose publicly, and plans to become a physical therapist for athletes. She enjoys yoga, hamburger pizza and has a Koi pond with one Koi fish and six turtles. 

Considering the ratio of fish to turtles she's got going on, calling it a turtle pond would probably be more accurate. 

Official Bio

Taylor, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via David Tyau Photography via UltimateCheerleaders.com

Name: Taylor
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Financial Analyst 

Taylor is smarty pants who, doing her part to dispel gender stereotypes, earned her degree in mathematics with an emphasis in financial mathematics. Her favorite song is anything that Lea Michele, who is an actress, sings on Glee!, which is a television show. 

Any good work she did on the gender stereotype thing with her career was cancelled out with the Glee! thing. I'm not mad…I'm just disappointed. 

Official Bio

Maria, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via David Tyau Photography via UltimateCheerleaders.com

Name: Maria
Tenure: Three Years
Day Job: Administrative Assistant 

Maria works out her body with P90X and works out her mind studying psychology and interior design as a part-time student. Eventually, she plans to land a job in human resources before shifting into a career designing and decorating "green" homes on the West Coast. 

I always thought human resources was the job people settled for, not aspired to. 

Official Bio

Myka, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via David Tyau Photography via UltimateCheerleaders.com

Name: Myka
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Wine Educator/Sales

Unfortunately, Myka doesn't offer up any more details of what, in my mind currently, sounds like the best job ever. But she's clearly less enamored with the job than I am, because her career goal is to own her own fitness and dance studio. 

But what about the wine! I wonder if vodka educator is a job? 

Official Bio

Melissa, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via myfavoritecheerleader.com

Name: Melissa
Tenure: Three Years
Day Job: Boutique Owner

In addition to owning her own business, Melissa is also currently a student majoring in fashion merchandising and minoring in business. After school she hopes to expand her business and turn her local boutique into a national retail store. 

Apparently, she's also double jointed and likes to bend her fingers all the way back just to freak people out. I really like her style.  

Official Bio

Ileri, 49ers Gold Rush

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Name: Ileri 
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Student

Ileri is currently an undergraduate with a pretty substantial workload, preparing for law school. She plans to earn a doctorate in criminal justice and study constitutional law. Her long-term ambition is to become a Justice on the U.S. Supreme Court. 

Official Bio

Inna, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via David Tyau Photography via UltimateCheerleaders.com

Name: Inna
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Student

Inna is currently studying business at a university she prefers not to disclose. Eventually, she would like to earn her MBA, at another non-disclosed university, and then pursue a career, doing something she did not disclose, with the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. 

Also, she likes Milk Duds. 

And she's afraid of butterflies! Which is amazing because I'm afraid of butterflies too! I thought I was the only one. I call them "worms with wings."  

Official Bio

Tina, 49ers Gold Rush

Image via Marcio Jose Sanchez/AP

Name: Tina
Tenure: Two Years
Day Job: Registered Nurse

Nurse Tina graduated from the University of San Francisco with a degree in nursing. An excellent choice because she loves everything about nursing—like its versatility. Eventually, she wants to become a Nurse Practitioner, then a certified Nurse Anesthetist and ultimately a Nurse Manager. 

In between all that, Tina would also like to teach classes to wannabe nurses. 

Are "registered" and "certified" distinctions that really need to be made? I don't know, maybe they are. I guess I give people working as medical professionals the benefit of the doubt in assuming they've completed the training mandated by law. 

Official Bio

And Who Will Have Something to Cheer About AFTER the Super Bowl?

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My pick is the 49ers Gold Rush! 

Which, based on my horrifyingly bad picks during these playoffs, means that the Ravens will probably win the game. You're welcome, Baltimore fans. 

You can give me your pick, or criticize mine, by hitting me up on the Twitters. You can also thank me for my painstaking research. It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.  

 

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