The star strutted to the ring with his usual swagger and immediately started telling lame jokes and interacting with nearby fans.
He discussed playing the video game Black Ops with one excited child in the front row. And, begrudgingly, revealed his rather unusual username.
Question: If it was so embarrassing, why did he even bother revealing it on national TV?
He laughed with another girl about how her life inevitably consisted of partying, posting pictures on Facebook and listening to Taylor Swift. (Cena's supposedly expert knowledge of women leaves a lot to be desired, it has to be said).
The former WWE champion then joked around with a bearded fan in the front row (hilariously clad in a "I'm a Paul Heyman Guy" T-Shirt) about "blow up dolls" and hangovers. Very PG.
Oh, and he finally wrapped things up by vowing to win the Royal Rumble this Sunday. This was apparently the whole point of the spiel, although why he didn't get to the point sooner is beyond me.
OK, this whole promo was wretched. Truly awful. It was juvenile, badly written and, most importantly, did nothing to help the PPV.
How exactly is anyone supposed to take Cena's vow to win this Sunday's Battle Royale seriously?
What were WWE writers thinking when they scripted this nonsense?
Unsurprisingly, over at PWInsider, Mike Johnson has noted that Cena's promo was met backstage with universal derision, especially coming after the top-notch mic work from The Rock and CM Punk earlier in the show:
One of the big topic of conversations among wrestlers after Raw was how bad the John Cena promo was, especially since it was closing the show and came after strong work from CM Punk and The Rock.
On the bright side, at least the Black Ops kid will have one heck of a story to tell in school tomorrow.