UFC on FX 7 provided an absolutely abysmal preliminary fight card for viewers in attendance at home and abroad.
The seven fights on hand filled three hours of TV time but provided roughly 10 seconds of action.
It was that bad.
This one is going to be hard folks, but I'm going to attempt to break down the best fights from Saturday night's exhausting preliminary action.
Stick with me, and Flying Spaghetti Monster bless you for wanting to relive this horrid display.
Andrew Craig wanted to fight, but Ronny Markes wanted to grapple.
Let me correct that: Ronny Markes wanted to grapple his way to just enough points necessary to secure the victory.
Going into the third round, translators caught Markes' corner essentially telling him to mail in Round 3, and the Brazilian did just that.
Sure, he was big and strong and capably controlled Craig on the ground, but this fight was anything but exciting.
Save a late surge from Craig, there was almost no action in this fight.
Yeah, that's pretty much my reaction too, dude.
Let's face it: Wagner Prado is not UFC material.
The fact that Prado lasted into Round 2 against Phil Davis in his last outing is a shocker in retrospect, and I fully expect Prado to get his walking papers from the organization after this terrible performance.
In Round 1, Prado blasted Alcantara repeatedly with punches, but Alcantara never wavered, never buckled and never gave much thought to the shot.
For someone with a ton of power (as Prado was touted), that's strange, no?
Alcantara secured a second-round kneebar, and Prado showed off his white belt-level jiu-jitsu defense as he tapped for mercy.
Neither of these guys looked good at all, and this was a lackluster way to kick off the evening's preliminary fights.
This bout was just your average grappling battle between two high level jiu-jiteiros.
One has to respect the skills Godofredo "Pepey" Castro and Milton Vieira showed inside the Octagon, but when two super-technical ground fighters square off, the result is often lackluster as they are unable to mount any sort of offense.
There were a few dominant moments for "Pepey" and a couple of nice submission escapes from Vieria, but for the most part, you can skip through this one if you have the prelims recorded on your DVR.
Yuri Alcantara did not know he would play the role of "Best Supporting Actor" when he signed the papers to fight Pedro Nobre at UFC on FX 7.
After a nice opening to the fight that saw each fighter tee off and aggressively push forward, Alcantara worked his way to back mount and threw some vicious punches to the ears of his opponent.
Referee Dan Miragliotta warned Alcantara to "watch the back of the head," but Alcantara doesn't speak English.
After a couple more shots, Miragliotta halted the action and gave Nobre time to recover.
Rather, Big Dan tried to give Nobre time to recover. Instead of sucking it up, recovering and fighting on, Nobre played the hand he was dealt. He knew that if he feigned injury, he could escape the fight with a no-contest on his record.
He was getting dominated. This was his out, and he took it.
It does, but upon several replays of the sequence, it became clear that Alcantara never touched the back of Nobre's head with any of his strikes. Adding to this, as commentator Kenny Florian noted, the shots Alcantara threw were not particularly malicious.
Look, Nobre might have been legitimately hurt—it's easy for me to nitpick from the comfort of my home.
However, I'm calling it like I saw it here, and Nobre plainly faked his way to a no-contest.
This may seem an impossibility, but I actually enjoy Nik Lentz.
Something about the dude is just scrappy and hard-nosed enough for me to enjoy, and I dig his style.
His opponents know what he is going to do, and he still executes time and time again inside the Octagon. In an unpredictable sport like MMA, knowing your opponent's next move is a crucial advantage, but Lentz still finds success.
The reborn featherweight dominated Nunes en route to a unanimous decision victory, and Nunes' face looked like freshly ground hamburger for his opponent's efforts.
Lentz dominated, plain and simple.
Fun FightMetric stat from the fight: Lentz out-struck Nunes 63-1 in Round 1. Let that sink in.
Francisco Trinaldo is a gigantic, powerful lightweight, and he showed off his power on Saturday night against the overmatched C.J. Keith.
This fight was not broadcast on Fuel, so you probably missed it. And that's a damn shame.
For a quick rundown of the action, check out MMAFighting's coverage of the fight.
With a nifty arm-triangle submission, Trinaldo stands out as one of the few winners on the preliminary card at UFC on FX 7.
Edson Barboza proved me wrong.
I severely overestimated Lucas Martins' abilities when I predicted an upset victory for the young Brazilian. Barboza brought my brain's ability to reason back to earth with a thundering left hand that dropped his opponent to the canvas like a drunk FDR.
Barboza is still very capable and very scary, and he was ridiculously fast and accurate against his countryman, Martins.
That said, Martins probably wasn't ready for this level of competition, so I am still anxious to see what he can do in the division.
In an otherwise boring sample of fights, Barboza's TKO victory (it technically went down as a submission because Martins tapped to the follow-up ground-and-pound, but we all know what happened here) shone brightly.