The NBA Goes Dr. Seuss: Spare Us the Cute Headlines

Drew BartonAnalyst IMarch 27, 2008

With Horton Hears a Who (2008) in the theatres it seems sports writers, editors, and talking heads have all elected to take a run at being the Dr. Seuss of sports.

Why does virtually every story headline have to go "cute" on us?

After the recent Blazer debacle in Seattle where they went off for sub-40 percent shooting the local rag headlined the story "Shotless in Seattle," a mind-bending reference to the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan vehicle Sleepless in Seattle (1993). Never mind that the average Blazer fan has seen fewer romantic comedies than Jason Kidd clutch baskets made...the title is so "clever" that surely people will be drawn to the article.

Of course, that is part of a trend. If it isn't the article titles then it is the signs in the stands. "The Sun Never Sets in Cleveland," "Heat Hit Cold Spell," "Golden State Quiets Sonic Boom."

As if those are not bad enough to cause involuntary regurgitation we also are subjected to even worse tripe such as "Portland Will Blaze Past the Nuggets" because, you know, "blaze" is part of the word "Blazers" so it is clever...well, someone thought it was. It actually made me want to go read One Fish, Two Fish.

I don't recall where it started, when it started or why. I just know it has gotten out of hand. So I am setting out to write the worst titles as I can come up with. Feel free to throw your own out there.

"Rockets Blast Past the Lakers"

"Hornets Sting the Hawks"

"Suns Eclipse 76ers"

"Close Shave for the Clips"

"Iverson Comes up Gold for Nuggets"

"Grizzly Record Hard to Bear"

"Detroit Motors Past Fading Suns" (a double whammy)

"Indiana Keeps Pace With Boston"

"New Chicago Coach Takes No Bull From Players"

"Howard's Improved Play Pure Magic in Orlando"

"Washington Falls Under Mavericks Spell"

"Rising Suns Face Division Leaders"

Ugh. There are more but that is about all my stomach can handle. On the dark side I know I will be subjected to many more on the next NBA I attend...

Of course, I might be wrong. People might love those clever signs. Nothing like Jazzing up your sign for a Utah game, being spurred to victory over San Antonio or crowning a new division leader in a victory over Sacramento to make life a little more cheery...