Commercial for Lance Armstrong's Oprah Interview Is Hilariously Serious

Gabe ZaldivarPop Culture Lead WriterJanuary 15, 2013

Don't miss the Oprah Winfrey interview of Lance Armstrong or your head will explode into a million pieces, according to the tone and tenor of the teaser trailer for the upcoming quaint chat. 

OWN, a network whose viewership no doubt consists of people who got there by accident, released the teaser of Thursday's interview between the Grand Overlord of the Universe and The Evil Force Who Threatens All, or at least that's what it seems like. 

In reality, it's going to be a chat between Oprah Winfrey and Lance Armstrong going over things we already knew and other things that would have leaked far before Thursday. 

Maybe Lance will tell us the size of his helmet and leave us all aghast in shock (he is walking around with a Barry Bonds-sized cranium at the moment). 

Anyhoo, the trailer is so over-the-top, they really should have just had Trey Parker deliver the voice-over to make it sound less bombastic. 

Oprah starts by saying there would be no conditions for this interview, as if they are about to go 12 rounds in a Jell-O wrestling match. 

No conditions? I encourage you to read Dan Wetzel's Yahoo! Sports column for questions Oprah really should ask if she wants to get to the bottom of this. 

No holds barred? Is she going to slowly torture the man until he confesses to everything that ever went wrong in sports history since the beginning of time? 

In the end, many of the more intriguing notes—the incessant bullying that took place as rumors of doping surrounded Armstrong—may very well go unaddressed. 

But please, do not miss this tell-all interview of an athlete coming clean on doping. It's a historic moment that hasn't happened since the last athlete who was caught cheating. 

Hit me up on Twitter, but before Thursday at 9/8c because I will be watching OWN for the first time ever.